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I want my husband back  posted: 05/22/03 at 1:52 PM
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| I have only been married for a little over three months and my husband left me over a month ago to live with his mom which is 4 hours away and he is working there for his uncle. We had TONS of stress during our short marriage such as his uncle dying, him losing his job, my car being stolen, my family dis-owning me, etc. etc. Which needless to say took a toll on our relationship and pulled us apart rather then together. He is very angry with me and will not speak with me via phone nor e-mail and I miss him with all my heart. All his belongings are still at the house as he only left with a duffle bag of clothes and he said he would file for a divorce when he gets an apt. and gets caught up with his bills. I do not think either of us have given this marriage a chance and I know in my heart it could work. I am going through counseling and bible study but feel so hopeless and alone. The more I try to contact him the more he seems to go farther away. My heart is breaking more an dmor eeach day......
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to battle it out is a test of a life time.. posted: 05/22/03 at 3:49 PM
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some people think that when another person enters his or her life it brings good or bad luck..
it is not known from you whether he had such thought processes..
you got to look at things in the perspective of the situation..with incidents of time..in those 4 months..
other things you can try.. so the best course would be to write to him that how could you be at fault even if he was superstitious,,
it appears that he treats you as a bad omen in his life..
it is possible only through positive approach.. as negatives have already out done everything..
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lucky a man's view..
"An individual’s internal battle is always between the mind and the heart, But eventually the heart wins over"-raj
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Biggest Problem to Him posted: 05/22/03 at 3:59 PM
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| The thing he is MOST angry about with me is that when he lost his job and grandfather all at the same time, he began to drink almost every night and I talke dwith him about it an dseemed to be getting worse,s o I called his mom and aske dfor her help as I felt she love dand cared for her son and could recommend me doing something..BAD MISTAKE!! She had agreed with me for over a month that he had a problem and couldnt handle alcohol and when he left and went to live with her she calle dme and said how dare I made her son out to be a monster and an alcoholic!!! So he says he would never trust me again fo rgoing behind his back and talking with his mother bad about him. I am sure she is persuading him with all she has to stay away from me, which isn't helping.
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posted: 05/27/03 at 8:42 PM
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I know the pain and hopelessness you feel. What you saw as an act of caring and love, your husband may have felt betrayed. But only he knows the truth.
I lost the love of my life and at first looked only at her instead of myself. Even though my wife does drink, i don't feel she has a real problem. But i found a great deal of support in "alanon". The journey had to start with me. Through going to these meetings just a few times a week, changes in me started to happen.......(The love of my life =my wife) started to see these these changes that were taking place, and even though were still seperated.......communications has started and i feel better due to these changes taking place. Here is the link to their site. Here is the link to alanons site
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Keeping the Faith posted: 05/28/03 at 3:34 PM
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| Thank you for the kind words and encouragement!! I have went to an AA meeting and I am now attending Bible study once a week and also counseling through work, which is really helping me to grow and learn, however my concern is What if my husband ever does decide to come back home and he is no different?? Then we are back to square one. May I ask how long you have been seperated? It has been a little over a month for me and it seems like an eternity but I have put it in God's hands and I will keep the faith. I will pray for you for reconciliation in your marriage. My husband still won't even talk to me, so I have backed off and no longer e-mail or call hima s hard as it is. God Bless You!!
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posted: 05/29/03 at 3:57 AM
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| Thanks for the words of encouragement. I Need to clarify that im in a live in separation and my wife has not left as of yet. She is only here in the physical sence and not in any other way. Most days she spends it planning her escape which is in many ways tougher then if she would just leave.......Imagine being in love and not being allowed to express it towards some that it was so natural. Having that person in your site everyday, but being now rejected. It was this that started me working on me as a kinda preperation to the day she walked out. I knew i needed to make changes in me. Check out this site This site is great and teaches you so much about interaction............I am proud of you for all your doing for you.
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posted: 05/29/03 at 2:29 PM
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| I can truly relate to living with someone who basically ignores you and that is very painful. Before my husband up and left me, he slept on the couch and the only way he would respond to any signs of affection I tried to show, was by yelling and anger and it hurts so bad. I think it is actually easier being alone then being treated like that. Are you making any progress with your wife, or do you still feel she is going to leave? Please keep the faith and I will pray for your marriage to be reconciled and please pray for mine also to be reconciled as the power of prayer can be amazing!! Thank you also for that website as it is uplifting and encouraging. God bless you!! Jackie
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posted: 05/31/03 at 6:41 PM
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Hi Jackie,
Thanks for all of the encouragement and preyers. And of course i will include you in my preyers. To answer your question, yes she is moving and looking for apartments. I believe that this move must happen in order to complete the lesson. There are things that we both need to go thru in order to become who we were meant to be. I would be a damn lyer if i said i was happy about any of this, but i don't have to.
I now can see how took this gift of 12 years for granted. My actions came from a place where i never thought it would ever end. I didn't make the most of the time i had.
The past is the past & tommarrow is the future, but today is the present..........thats why its called a present, because it is a gift. And i now try to take everything i do in today and treat it like a gift.
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posted: 06/03/03 at 8:03 PM
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| Oh my gosh 12 years is an awful long time, but perhaps a seperation for just a little while will bring you even closer together and make your marriage stronger. Just hope for the best and keep the faith through positive affirmations and prayers going. I hope you have a support group of friends to talk with also as that helps. My husband has been gone a month and 1/2 and my heart just aches for his return, however I have also found inner strength I never knew I even had and have really turned to God and am patiently awaiting his answer. This too shall pass, right?? I will keep praying for you and you keep praying for me, deal?? Take care ... Jackie
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posted: 06/06/03 at 3:12 PM
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| I will keep all of you in my prayers - I too went thru a simular situation - I was married for a year & 1/2 roughly - We had mega problems from the start - it was almost like it was doomed from the start - I still love him despite everything!! What I have found to help me is - Do things that keep me busy, exercise, and no contact with my ex - it seems to only pour salt on the wound that is already there!!
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posted: 06/10/03 at 9:25 PM
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| I am going through a sort of similiar situation. I am not married but my man is under a lot of stress and very depressed (although not drinking) and seems to be taking it out on me. All my attempts to help him seem to make him more angry, because he takes them all the wrong way. I have tried giving him space but that's what made him even more angry. I genuinely know the pain you are going through, but I really think you deserve better then this. If just because you talked to his mom to try and get help he is going to leave, that's extremely immature. It's not something unforgivable. You didn't cheat on him or abuse him! You tried to help him! Even if the attempt wasn't the one he wanted, he could have expressed that to you without blowing it so out of proportion. And I think part of his problem is he can't admit that HE has a problem (with drinking). I think writing a letter is a good idea. Get your feelings out. Don't be defensive, but stand your ground. Tell him that you were only trying to help him and you are sorry that you didn't talk to him before you acted. Tell him that you are going to give him space to decide what he really wants. Then, don't contact him for a while. If he can't appreciate you after that, there is definitely somebody better for you out there!
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