 |
| |
|
|
|
Losing interest? Just becoming comfortable? posted: 11/20/09 at 7:43 AM
|
|
|
Posting this for my friend. In her words-
"I've been this guy for around 2.5 months or so. We're VERY compatible and get along very well...However lately I'm feeling like his interest might be waning, but its happening at the same time that he just got a new job with much more hours so it might be that. To elaborate, we usually see each other about twice a week or so, sometimes more. Last week however i saw him that Sunday and then on wednesday, the day we usually go out, he said he couldn't because he was studying for his job interview (it requires a written test) that was the next day. Didn't hear from him the next day, and then on that friday we made plans to hang out on Saturday. But then on Saturday I don't hear from him until almost 6pm, just to tell me that he's off work and now he's going home. I said ok, but are we still going out? To which he said we were later. Then later that night he texts me to say he's to too tired to hang out. Well I got really upset then because it seemed like he was blowing me off and said a few angry things. He seemed really apologetic, immediately asked if i wanted to go out the next sunday, said he'd call me in the morning, etc. Which he did. He called me bright and early on sunday and we went out and had a great date.
Then I exchanged two texts with him on monday (this week now), didnt hear a word on tuesday, and then on wednesday he told me that he had gotten the job and was starting that day (so again our wednesday thing had to be cancelled) I was feeling paranoid about him having lost interest in me so I said "so do this mean you're going to be really busy now?" With the intention that if he wanted to, he could just say something like "yes, i may not have too much time to date anymore" if he wanted to cut the strings. Instead he "not really. I'm working more days but less hours."
Then we have today. I found out that I'm going to cancun next week (looooong story) so I told him. To which he said-
"Ill keep you posted about going out this weekend,I'm not really sure what's going on at this point. Where are you going next week? somewhere fun?" I told him that I was going to cancun, and that I probably wouldn't be able to do anything this weekend but could do tonight or tomorrow. And he said-Ok, I'm working both so maybe after work I can pick you up. but we'll see. Cancun sounds great" and then it was random chatter until while he was at work I told him that tonight wouldn't work anymore (i'm not as far ahead as I thought I was on a school project) so I asked him to just let me know about tomorrow and I haven't heard back yet.
Now I'm just really worried...Because on top of seeing me less, and not seeming to mind that much that i'll be gone for an entire week, he also talks to me less. He texted everyday at first, now we sometimes go two days in a row without talking. I don't know, does it seem like he's lost interest?"
click to: respond to this topic
|
|
| Options: Reply To Topic | Start New Topic | Edit Message | Quote Message | Report Abuse
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
posted: 11/20/09 at 1:49 PM
|
|
|
Your friend seems way too self-conscious.
Her boyfriend wasn't blowing her off. Does she have a job? If she does, then she would understand the process of getting hired is time consuming and tiring. Even more so, coming back home after a day of work. Things come up, it did for her with her school project.
My boyfriend works on a very regular schedule. If I want to see him on weekdays, we just usually hang out at his apartment, and just watch movies. He is tired, and needs to wind down before waking up for work the next day. Sometimes, he has to work overtime unexpectedly - but that is something that comes with the job.
Why doesn't she suggest similar plans rather than quietly stew over things that he doesn't seem to be aware of? They can meet at his place, order some pizza, and wind down watching something on Netflix. It's not glamorous, but the goal is to spend time together right? He'll appreciate that she is willing to just be boring with him.
Earlier on in the relationships, my boyfriend didn't want to hang out with me as often because he was afraid of not being exciting with our time together. When I showed him that I was genuinely comfortable even just sitting together, he wanted me around a lot more. Now, we see each other from 3 - 5 days a week.
As for Cancun, what was she wanting to hear from him? Something possessive, self-conscious, and immature? He seemed happy for her, and showed trust. What is there to be upset about?
In the end, I would just ask him if I was her. Tell him she has been feeling worried and self-conscious lately. She misses him, and because he reacts almost too well for their time situation, she is concerned that he may have lost interest in her. When he tells her that this is not the case, work something out. Quiet nights are sweeter anyway.
Good luck!
click to: respond to this topic
|
|
| Options: Reply To Topic | Start New Topic | Edit Message | Quote Message | Report Abuse
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
posted: 11/21/09 at 6:03 PM
|
|
|
I can't speak for him, but it sounds like he has a BIG focus right now which is a new job. When you first start a job, not to mention the hiring process, but the first at LEAST 3 - 6 months and sometimes more, you are probably being watched like a hawk. There's also sometimes training for something which easily drains the mind all day and wears us out.
She seems to be putting way too much focus on "why did he do this? why didn't he respond? why doesn't he worry about me going away for a week? why don't i hear from him anymore?" which is probably turning this into something that it's not.
I wouldn't recommend her asking him any further questions to give him an "out" because one too many of those and he will take it. Men may not take subtle hints as well as we like, but they know insecurity when they see it.
I say she should go on her trip, have a good time and then see how things are when she gets back. Then have a talk with him. A lot of what he is doing does show signs of losing interest until you factor in a new job. It doesn't mean that her feelings are unfounded. It just means that she should probably talk to him about it before she drives herself mad waiting and wondering for him to dump her. That may have never crossed his mind.
Also, shouldn't she be excited? I mean she's going to CANCUN for a week and she's worrying about how he feels about it.
----------
It's all a learning experience... as long as you're willing to learn.
click to: respond to this topic
|
|
| Options: Reply To Topic | Start New Topic | Edit Message | Quote Message | Report Abuse
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
posted: 11/21/09 at 8:19 PM
|
|
|
| I don't think his excuses for not having as much time were legitimate with his new job and all so I don't think that there's necessarily anything to worry about. I think that just like Rosebud said she should just go to Cancun, have a great time and then see where things go from there. If he's losing interest it will become apparant over time.
click to: respond to this topic
|
|
| Options: Reply To Topic | Start New Topic | Edit Message | Quote Message | Report Abuse
|
|
|
|
|
