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posted: 11/12/09 at 9:27 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by mrs_wyatt09
it all depends on how long you were with this person.
I don't think it's how long you were with the person, I think it's how you really felt for the person....
I've had 4 loves...
1. My first love:
How long were you together? 2 years
Did you keep in touch? We tried...I tried, but we lost touch...I moved back home...It's been 20 years or so since him. So, no.
Did you meet someone else that made you forget the ex?
Yes and no. Dating diffrent guys took my mind off him, I was young and got on with life pretty quickly, but I still think about him to this day of course.
What do you think you could have done to make it shorter?
Nothing! It took years to get over him. I've never been so heartbroken since. (Thank goodness)
Probably cuz it was my first love, could not imagine my life without him. And I'm sure I put the walls up after the pain I felt from that break up. I dont think I have felt as strongly about anyone else in my life as I did for him.
2. Father of my first child:
How long were you together? 9 years
Did you keep in touch? Yes, still do, we have a child together
Did you meet someone else that made you forget the ex?
No, I was over him before I left him. Leaving him, taking my child and my 1 suitcase and getting a divorce never even phased me, I didn't hurt, I was relieved. It freaked me out a bit cuz I didn't even cry. I thought that was unusual seeing as how we spent 9 years together and were married.
What do you think you could have done to make it shorter?
Left him earlier. lol
3. Father of my second child:
How long were you together? Still are together -
10 years....
which brings me to...
4. My secret love
How long were you together? It's been almost 2 years since our "more then friend relationship" started...it's over now...recently.
Did you keep in touch? We see each other regulary, as friends, as he is a big part of my family's life...and has been for the past 10 years as well. (Actually we've all known each other closely since grade school)
Did you meet someone else that made you forget the ex?
This Q does not apply to me, really, but he kinda is an ex I guess. Since we've mutually decided that this is no way to live and we can't do this to each other or to my current SO.
I'm not married, but I have my family life, which is a good life. Somehow I fell in love with "our" best freind - typical bad story - you can all hate me if you feel u must throw stones....
But the last 2 years has already been a hurtful, guilt ridden horrible struggle and not a way I would wish on anyone to feel.
Through my actions, choices, mistakes, the only ones that have suffered is myself, and him I'm sure. My family has no idea and I pray that they do not find out, not because I care about what they will think of me, (I've come to grips with what I've created in my life)...but because I do not want anyone to be hurt by my actions, and I don't want to break my family apart.
My problem is I don't know how I'm going to get over this one. I love both these men, period. I dont care how many people tell me thats impossible, because I know I do. I loved our "friend" before anything intimate ever happened between us....and I love my current SO very much as well, both very good people.
Let this be a lesson to me...and anyone else in that situation, you WILL lose something special, (if not everything) when you make the wrong choices.
So far I'm lucky because I became stronger, we stopped things before anyone got hurt, (besides ourselves)
I just could not go on like that...
But it HURTS SO MUCH...SOoo much.... sleepless nights, constant thinking.....I can never turn my mind off.
BUT, I need to focus on my family, which I'm doing.
We decided mutually that we would just stop, but still be friends, as he's very close to my children as well as my SO.
You know the saying " If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten" (So true)
So, I've changed some things in my life so that I can give my family 100% of me.
I'm giving it all I got, because they deserve it, and so do I.....and it's working. And if in the end it doesnt work, at least I'll know I gave it all I got.
However, I do not know if I'll ever get over this one.
I read alot of these posts and alot of people have the same problems....if anyone ever comes up with an easier solution to "turn your mind off" or get over these old loves, and hang-ups, please let me know!!
Last edited by 30something on 11/13/09 at 8:07 PM
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posted: 11/21/09 at 8:45 AM
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"if anyone ever comes up with an easier solution to "turn your mind off" or get over these old loves, and hang-ups, please let me know!!"
30something, after my first divorce a great counselor said something to me I have never forgotten. I used to sit in my living room, staring at a clock, watching time go by abd feeling sorry for myself. He told me "get pop corn. all you are doing is watching movies in your head. Of the way your brain thinks things where, are, or should be. Is entertainment". Sounds harsh but is true. Your mind will re-invent history and reconstructs events in many ways.
His solution? Get busy. Get up and do something. Go out, to the mall, to wherever. If you let your mind idle, it will go back to the movies and there you are again.
Is some of the best advice I ever got.
In reference to the original question : NEVER. Divorced twice, several relationships, you NEVER forget somebody you loved. They might go back to a corner of your mind and not be an issue after some time, but I can't ever imagine forgetting somebody you truly loved.
So don't try to forget. Choose to keep the good memories, forget the bad ones, and move on. The bad stuff is just poison. It makes you bitter, angry. For things you can never change. Learn your lessons and forget the rest. I keep all the best and feel happy that tomorrow is a new day.
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