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Life after baby, no sex drive!  posted: 04/05/06 at 4:39 PM
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Hi Everyone,
I had a perfect, wonderful baby boy 5 months ago. I feel so lucky & blessed to have him in my life. I have been very happily married for 3 years, together for 5. We hardly ever fight, and have always gotten along very well. So what's the problem, right?
Well, ever since my son was born I have had no sex drive. Sometimes it even turns me off. I find my husband very attractive, so that isn't the issue. I thought my drive would have improved by now but it hasn't.
I work a full time job and so does he. Between getting up at 5am for work, getting home at 4:30 pm - and taking care of the baby I am completely exhausted by the end of the day and all I want to do is go to sleep. I always can't wait for the weekend to come. My son goes to sleep around 7:30, so it isn't like I get to spend a whole lot of time with him during the week. I like to spend time with him on the weekends, so I don't really like going out and leaving him at home with my mother in law. Maybe I have to though to keep my marriage alive. We have a couple friends that had babies within 7 weeks of us so we hang out with them a lot.
Is there anyone in my boat? Has anyone gone through what I have and regained their sex drive?
I feel terrible because I feel like I am neglecting my husband. I don't initiate sex and I know this bothers him. I don't want to fake it though. Is there any medications that could help? Any other suggestions?
Thanks for any advice!!!
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Don't walk in front of me I may not follow.
Don't walk behind me I may not lead.
Just walk beside me and be my friend forever.
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posted: 04/05/06 at 4:49 PM
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I am not sure what to suggest, I thru my 3 pregnancies had sex before during and after and haven't slowed down.
I always made the time, everybody is busy and stressed so it's matter of making that special time even if only a couple days a week to start. Don't put undo stress on yourself, talk it over with your husband so he understands and knows you feel bad and want to change things.
I beleive in taking care of my man and luckily we have not gone thru any real long dry spells.
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You're not alone posted: 06/19/06 at 10:53 PM
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| I know what you're feeling and going through. My sex drive is like at a zero or more like a -10. I don't even bother to initiate because lately, or the last time it happened which was months ago (I have a 6 week old and a 17 month old), it was a wham bam thank you mam. No long nights anymore. I think one of the reasons I don't initiate is because I don't feel sexy anymore. I know it takes two. He doesn't touch me like he use to or say things like he use to and I know I'm not 18 anymore, but at 26, I shouldn't be feeling the dry spell. I try to do things for him, but I feel wierd when he wants to do things for me, like I'm not worth it, or at least I feel frumpy. I know I"m not helping, I'm more ranting than anything, but just so you know you're not alone. I try to think of ways to spice things up, but I'm still wearing maternity clothes and am about 30lbs over my pre-prego weight, so then I feel frumpy, and then I think negativly in the respects that I assume that he'll never try to spice things up either, so nothing is ever done. Things started to get back to good before I got prego with #2 (hence how I got prego with #2) and once I found out I was prego, it's like all sex and the lusting of sex from him had stopped. So any help would be great as well. I'll let you know if anything changes for the better.
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MOmmy of two
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posted: 06/20/06 at 3:16 AM
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I have heard of this sort of thing happening.
I too went thru it. I was exhausted and depressed.
Seeing how you could work full time. Being a Mother as well...
Being exhausted doesn't help your situation.
I would talk to your doctor about this. Sometimes a woman's hormones go out of whack after a birth of a child.
All I can suggest is try relaxing alittle more or getting more rest.
don;t worry about the house always being clean.
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Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't.
-- Erica Jong
~Due to the bad economy...the light at the end of the tunnel has been shut off~
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posted: 06/21/06 at 9:44 PM
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| This same thing happened during my pregnancy and lasted well after it. I found my hubby attractive but couldnt get in the mood. If he tried anything it annoyed me. I could never get in the mood. So finally I got tired of not feeling sexual and anytime he initiated sex we had it wether I was horny or not. Once we started having sex I enjoyed it very much it was just getting in the mood that was hard. So i told him the problem, explained how I felt and from then on we tried everything to find out what the problem was. If I found something that turned me on I would tell him. When I couldnt think of anything I told him to just do whatever he wanted and if something he did felt good I told him. You are going to have to put a lot of work into this and some of it wont be fun. l know you should never force yourself to have sex but that might be the only option. I wanted nothing to do with sex but once I started forcing myself to do it I started to enjoy it. Parenting is stressful enough and when you both work its even harder. You have to make time for your marriage/sexlife. My hubby is military so were lucky if he comes home before I go to bed which makes it really difficult to find time. He normally only gets about 4hrs sleep. But we makes time for sex, lol. You just have to talk to him, try new things. Maybe take a day off to pamper yourself and relax. Spend time by yourself figuring out what turns you on, then tell your hubby what works. Its hard to feel good about yourself when you have a baby and post preggo weight and even worse when you feel your neglecting your hubbies needs. But your not alone. This happens to a lot of women so dont beat yourself up over it. Just work at finding out what turns you one. It took almost a year for my sex drive to come back (granted he was gone on military duty half that year)but now that its back we are having a wonderful time! Its even better now then it was before.
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"I'm already there" - Lonestar
To those who gave all - Thanks to Monta who did just that and to Erin for showing such strength.
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posted: 08/14/07 at 5:53 PM
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A very important question...
Are you breast feeding?
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Trust in God...but lock your car.
The bottom line is that you need to find your own happiness. Within yourself. Right now. In each moment. Stop expecting someone else to make you happy. And stop looking for excuses not to be happy. Just do it. Be happy. Right now. In each moment.
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posted: 08/14/07 at 6:51 PM
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Hi, thanks Gordman for your reply, I will check that out. It looks like a great website. This was last year that I made this post but I am still having similar issues. I was just thinking today actually that I need to start some kind of counseling - I was going to check with my insurance to see if it is covered.
Valfaro - I am not nor was I breastfeeding, it didn't work out for me.
Thanks again for your replies.
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Don't walk in front of me I may not follow.
Don't walk behind me I may not lead.
Just walk beside me and be my friend forever.
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