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Lovingyou.com > Family Matters > Divorce Support > How long do you wait to date after separation?
How long do you wait before dating after separation?
Do you start dating right away?
Do you wait a month?
Do you wait 6 months?
Do you wait 12 months?
Do you wait till the Divorce is final ?
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How long do you wait to date after separation? Angry posted: 03/28/06 at 4:32 AM

mylynn276  [more]
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I have been separated for ten months from a man, that has done nothing but cheat and lie for 14 years, He has slept with his ex wife, -left me for another women, while pregnant for our child, has been sued for sexual harassment on the job, has been caught Nemours time, having cyber sex. on web cam , He has been caught, listing him self, on dating sites. Went after his bossís wife, for sex, and other clients that he is working with, within two weeks of separation he had one of his cyber girls spending the night, he even put her on the phone when I called his place at 1 in the morning. among others. But in his eyes, he has done nothing wrong.
I am just suppose to forgive and forget, But itís not happening this time, enough is enough,
But here is the problem, he is now following me around, I havenít been seeing anyone all this time we have been separated, nor did I ever step out on him, we were together. He claims he is trying to kill himself; and so onÖHe said he canít stand the thought of me being with someone else. But he is seeing people.
In this state, you can get a divorce in 6 months, the problem has been money, I donít have it, to pay for a divorce, and he said he will fight it, I donít see how.
I want to start to live again, I have met someone, recently, that I would like to start seeingÖAnd am afraid if I keep turning him down, he will move on, and I may never have the chance to see if he is Mr. Right. Should I accept the dinner invitation, or stay locked up in this house till the Divorce is final,
My husband isnít , he is living his live!!!!!!!!

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posted: 03/28/06 at 8:35 AM

justjess  [more]
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My honest opinion is you can't start something with anyone and expect it to last unless you end the first relationship completely and take time to get your head straight.You need to find peace and happiness in your own life before you can be happy with someone else.You need to start a new relationship with your best you,not the you that is carrying around unresolved issues from a past relationship.Don't focus on what your ex is doing with his pathetic life,concentrate on moving on and healing your heart so you don't drag baggage into a new relationship where it will probably end up ruining what could be a good thing if you have your act together.

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posted: 03/28/06 at 9:38 AM

HellYaImNuts  [more]
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I think justjess said it perfectly.

In the same token, it's not fair of your ex to be living his life while you sit at home.

I too am going thru a divorce...I've been separted since late 1997 early 1998....I was advised by a couple lawyers not to date b/c it could be considered cheating. My ex is living with and engaged to some woman. I don't care either.

First, I would not keep in contact with this man about your personal life. It's none of his business what you do. I would only talk to him regarding your child. If you do not live together, your soon to be ex doesn't have a right to know anything about your life now and he shouldn't be trying to run it.

If the marriage is honestly over for good, you need to try to do something about ending it. If you can't afford a lawyer, perhaps you can try to find some legal aid in your state?
Some lawyers have payment plans, but require a certain amount down.

Just b/c your ex is contesting the divorce doesn't mean the divorce won't happen. If you have any kind of proof that he cheated, that is grounds for divorce in most states.

Depending on your state, you can file yourself with the courts. Sometimes it's free and sometimes it will cost money.

There are also books at the library that can tell you how to do your own divorce.

As for the new guy, I'd explain to him that you are interested, but given the circumstances, you would like to wait. If he really likes you, he will understand.

You can also get a no contact/restraining order. So your ex doesn't follow you around.

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~Love is a cycle. When you love, you get hurt. When you get hurt, you hate.
When you hate, you try to forget.
When you try to forget, you start missing.
When you start missing, you eventually will fall in love again~

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posted: 03/28/06 at 1:04 PM
babyblueyes1  [more]
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To a degree, I agree with the other 2 posters BUT, on the fundamental issue or dating I disagree.

It doesn't sound to me like you have an issue with getting divorced or have anything that still clouds your judgement as to the marriage being over, the only problem is you don't have money for a divorce.

That said, the time difference between relationships and dating after divorce depend largely on how shocked you were to find out you were getting divorced and if you are emotionally strong enough to date, and most important, this time frame differs amongst people BECAUSE for example in your situaion, you probably found yourself leaving the marriage emotionally a long time ago, and have already healed and made peace within yourself.

That said, your husband threatens suicide, and is basically stalking you.

Go to legal aid as suggested for help with the divorce. Go to the police and get a protection order for yourself detailing his threat of suicide and places he has followed you. Then, approach an organization for abused woman in your area, and get help for your situation, he is trying to emotionally abuse you.

Then, as for the dating, I would instead of saying no when the man asks, suggest you meet him for coffee, during your lunch hour, (if that is possible) then say to him, it's not that you don't want to go, but your seperation is difficult and then without giving too many details ask him if he would prefer waiting until things are a little more settled or if he would like to go ahead with the date.

Then, if he wants to go ahead, knowing things are difficult for you, GO, you deserve some happiness as well.

Just make sure you have a protection order in place when you go out with him, so if there is any problem, you have covered your safety.

Good Luck

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Mylyyn276 posted: 03/28/06 at 10:57 PM

mylynn276  [more]
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After posting here yesterday, I found myself, pouring my heart out to a co-worker at my office, that I have become very good friends with, she hadnít realized the things I had been going through, because, I felt it best to keep in low key.
She subjected that I contact the corporate lawyer that we deal with and that maybe he could be of some help, getting the divorce filed, help with a lower cost, and could answer a few questions.
First off, He said, I should have filed for divorce years ago, instead of staying in an abusive relationship. I didnít realize that it was abusiveÖSo, I had to agree, the feeling I had for this man, we chipped away on a daily basic, due to his actions. And all these years, I have lived in torment, and had been controlled. And am still allowing him to control me with his actions, and that has to stop.
Secondly, He stated, that there is no reason, why, I canít have dinner with a friend, in a public place, Just donít bring him home, or go to a motel, hotel etc.and if I would feel better, to go out with a group of friends and have him meet me there. And another thing he said, was being in sales, I have lunch and dinner with clients all the time, so what is the differenceÖtreat it the same,
As to the cost, he will file the papers for me, and charge me, for court cost only. He said he will also have a restrain order put in place to keep me from being harassed from him, and get me the child support, of about 800 + , based on my husbands, 80,000+- a year salary to help support the child, rather then trying to make it on the 200.00 a month, that he is giving me. He also said that his giving me only 200 a month has been a control, issue because he knows that he has me strapped at trying to raise on child, on a limited incomeÖ We will see what happens.

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posted: 03/29/06 at 12:43 PM
babyblueyes1  [more]
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Good for you, I am glad you finally did something and at that, something really positive for yourself.

Keep us updated on how that goes.

I'm sure you feel much better just having taken some sort of action AND as the saying goes, a problem shared is a problem halved.

Keep strong.

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posted: 04/09/06 at 12:58 PM

czechcat  [more]
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For myself, we separated in September 2004.

I had a couple of online relationships between then and now~only one of those two moved into reality, and that was only for two visits last summer before ending. My ex hubby didn't know about either one~I saw no point in telling him since neither guy was a real-life, in-town constant presence.

My sweetheart now is in England. My divorce is only weeks away from being finalized. Once it is done, then and only then will my babe step on the plane and come to me. No point in giving my ex any ammunition to screw the divorce up or drag it out any longer.
I'm eager to be done with it and move on with my life!

----------
Wherever you go, whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you...

Cause I miss you body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away...

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posted: 04/22/06 at 8:44 PM

~Carla~  [more]
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For the longest time my ex and I lived under the same roof. Because he was constantly out of a job, he couldn't afford to get his own place.
We both were dateing online.
He met his GF first.
After I returned meeting Robert, my ex approached me with a divorce request.
He then asked to borrrow money for an apt to move out.
(To me he'd never be back...yet to his idea he thought he'd have a bachelor pad free and clear till the money ran out.)
Reguardless, it's done. He's living with a woman he met online and I am married to the most wonderful man alive.

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ďI'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.Ē - Marilyn Monroe

Last edited by ~Carla~ on 06/17/06 at 10:36 AM

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posted: 08/23/06 at 1:07 AM

king_lerxt  [more]
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I wrote an article on this very subject. This is what I had to say about it.


Karl

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"People say I'm kind of SELFISH about my privacy. Hey as long as I can be with ME, i mean we get along so well I can't even BELIEVE it."

My Published Articles

My music, take a listen

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posted: 11/08/06 at 11:39 PM
JUSTFRIENDS  [more]
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It all depends were your at in your life. I would give it at least 1 year to recoupe and find your self. Have time for you. Spend time with friends and family. You will make a better choice in who you date if you give it time. good luck

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