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Dirty Divorce posted: 02/15/06 at 2:05 PM
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| I have been in an emotionally, verbally, and physically (only 3 times) abusive relationship for 10 years. I finally had the courage to get a restraining order and get him out. Now, after having dated a bit and having a typically crazy rebound relationship, I have finally found my soul mate. My ex is trying to make my relatioinship with my boyfriend virtually impossible. My two children and my boyfriend's two children have already developed relationships with each other and all the children are very comfortable with my boyfriend and myself being together. My ex is bringing me to court to try to get the court to say that our children can't be around my boyfriend or his children. I feel that for my kids, that this would be taking another male figure that they are attached to out of their lives. And for me, with my and my boyfirend's work, kid, and life schedules seeing each other without my children around will make this very difficult. My ex only sees our children a few times a week (which is when my boyfriend is at work). I am sicked by the thought of not seeing the love of my life when I want to. I guess this is just another plan that my ex has to control me. I really don't have a specific question but I would like to hear from others in similiar situations. Tell me about what you did. I really need some support. Thanks!
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posted: 02/15/06 at 9:33 PM
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| I have never been in this situation, so I cant offer much help, but all I can say is that you need to prove to the court that your ex is abusive, and that your new boyfriend is a GOOD influence on your family. It sounds like everyone is happy, and all you have to do is prove it. I wouldnt worry too much, but then again I have never been throuhg this. I wish you the best of luck!
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posted: 02/15/06 at 9:39 PM
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OK, before I can offer advice, I need to have some questions answered.
it sounds like the children aren't with you all the time. Is that cause he has custody or cause you aren't living together with your new BF?
He is an abuser who is obviously tring his best to use legal means to gain access to YOUR life, he doesn't have the best interests of the children at heart.
What has he stated as a reason that the kids can't be around you new BF? Can he prove any of the claims?
Did you at ANY time, report his physical abuse (albeit 2 3 times) to any authority, is there a record anywhere, did you ever need medical attention?
Financially, does he have more access to funds if you need to have a legal battle on hand?
Fact is, he is sick and it is his way of trying to regain control of a situatio he lost control of. i'm asking the questions cause in the end when you try deal with this legally, you are going to have to seperate emotion from fact and deal with it on HIS sick level , so you spare the kids trauma.
Sad but true
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posted: 02/15/06 at 9:50 PM
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| I am not currently living with my new boyfriend because my ex has made our relationship difficult so until the divorce papers are signed by him, my BF and I are not living together. I have custody of the kids. My ex has the kids two afternoons a week for 3 hours each and every other weekend. He says that the kids should not be around my new BF because he is the only "male father figure" they should have. My new BF is not and has never tried to be their father... he is just another positive person in their lives that care about them. I went to the police twice... the first time I just advice from an officer I knew and the second time was the day before I got the restraining order. I never received medical attention, but my ex did when he crushed his hand by hitting a wall stud... poor baby. He makes more money than I do, I have retained a lawyer but can only afford her if absolutely necessary. I am living in the marital home and I am responsible for all the bills and the mortgage. So raising two kids with no extra money is tough. I got a bad deal when we first went to court because I couldn't afford an attorney. But I have one finally. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Last edited by aquariangirl on 02/15/06 at 11:41 PM
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posted: 02/16/06 at 4:08 AM
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If your ex can't prove that your b/f is a bad influence on you or your children...then I wouldn't worry about losing them. he's just doing this b/c you are with someone else and everyone seems to be adjusting without your ex.
He's the one with the restraining order. Not you.
He has a lot to prove in court and if he doesn't have anything to help him...chances are, he won't get full custody of your kids.
Don't let him control your relationship thru the kids or thru any other ways he can find.
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Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't.
-- Erica Jong
~Due to the bad economy...the light at the end of the tunnel has been shut off~
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posted: 02/16/06 at 3:34 PM
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| I'm in a similar situation. My b/f is starting a divorce and the wife is freaking. She actually attacked him verbally and phsycially just last night. She is on probation for a previous incident which I was at but not involved in at his residence. He hasn't gotten a restraining order which I think he should but I am going through somethign similar if it makes you feel less alone.
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"True friends are those who, When you make a fool of yourself, don't believe that this condition is permanent." -- Erwin T. Randall
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posted: 03/08/06 at 1:00 PM
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Go to the police department and ask for copies of the reported file. EVERYTHING should have been documented.
Also ask if the officer would be willing to stand in court and aligate your abuse report.
Pull the record from the hospital where he in anger put his fist through the wall.
Put these in a safe place.
I know in Florida a spouce cannot use adultry in a divorce. Have you friends and or relatives that will stand with you in this?
Abusers often come from homes where abuse has been seen by children. Are there any of his relatives that would speak for you in this behalf?
You will need to protect your child from his attacks or he/she will become an abuser and or victem
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~Some dreams are worth the risk in order to make them real~
Met online Fall 1999
Met in Real Life July 17 2002
Official Proposal May 9 2004
Married May 17 2005
We made it Robert. I love you, Carla
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posted: 08/18/06 at 8:36 PM
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hello every one,
I have been divorced 2 months ago, we have one daughter she is 3.5 years old.I am turkish my ex is british.And he found someone by internet and fly to China....
But, he has got two important pscyhcatric problems and we had so many problems together...
I am so happy that this marriage has finished ..
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divorce/stress  posted: 09/15/08 at 6:29 PM
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| hi aquarian girl...how's the new life going? great i hope. i am in a very similar situation and i know it is incredibly difficult and it takes everything i have to keep myself sane. i have not started my divorce yet, but i want to and i'm scared. my ex is a control freak and a bully. he will make this VERY nasty and painful. he intercepts everything i do to communicate with my man. thank god my man knows and understands what is going on here. i love him with all my heart and know there is no other for me. one problem i have is a medical one...my life has been so painful that i developed a coping mechanism where i block out stressful and painful things...i truly get a sort of amnesia. i do see a wonderful doctor who has helped me immensely. well to make my situation with my love even more complex is that i am 5/6 months pregnant and now i really want to take care of the divorce so we can share this wonderful time of our lives. ya, i'm scared and need alot of support from my love...which is hard for him becuz he has alot on his plate as well. my coping mechanism is prayer now and i feel in my heart that this new life is my destiny...my kids will understand when they see how happy i am and what a wonderful man my man is. take care girls and never give up on happiness. (wow what a rant).....
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divorce/stress  posted: 09/15/08 at 6:37 PM
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| omg i really have a situation here--a hard, hard one. my ex are not intimate AT ALL. but i find i am definitely expecting. omg god please please please...this baby has to be the man i loves, omg with this blocking thing my brain does leaves me in an awful, awful state...~SUPPORT NEEDED~....kali
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