|
|
Black & Asian posted: 05/16/05 at 10:51 PM
|
|
|
| I am a black female involved with a Korean/Chinese/Cuban man. Things are going great... but I'm not sure how comfortable he is with me. He talks about his mother, who is Korean, but has never introduced us. Do Asian parents really not like their children dating outside of their race? He's met my family though. Except for my father, should I give my father a heads up before I introduce them? My father is not the most open minded person. Also, me being with him is the first time I've seen a black female with an Asian male, that's strange you don't see that very often.
click to: respond to this topic
|
|
| Options: Reply To Topic | Start New Topic | Edit Message | Quote Message | Report Abuse
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
posted: 05/17/05 at 2:59 AM
|
|
|
quote:
Do Asian parents really not like their children dating outside of their race?
I have dated outside my race before and my parents were fine with it. My mum, however, has always been against my sister and I dating black guys as she doesn't want her grandkids "to be part black". But the blacks where I live (Australia) tend to keep to themselves and don't associate with other races.
----------
*Believe that you can deal with things as they evolve, because you can*
Spain - Australia
click to: respond to this topic
|
|
| Options: Reply To Topic | Start New Topic | Edit Message | Quote Message | Report Abuse
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
posted: 05/20/05 at 5:45 PM
|
|
|
Yupp, welcome Swoltz5001!
Being Asian, it all depends on the community where you guys live. If your bf is living in a tight knit Asian comunity (God I hate those) then chances are it will be hard for him to introduce you to his folks.
Me being Asian (Filipino) living in a Jewish community, my folks have always been fine with me dating any culture/ethnicity that I want, though they prefer I marry a Filipino, I told them I won't coz Filipino girls are just too old fashioned and culture-centred (LoL Im not, Im a banana (yellow asian on the outside, white on the inside  )
If U want someone specific for advice regarding ur BF/AM relationship, talk to Meowmix, U guys are on the same page ^^ With the exception that she and her boi are getting married (I believe)
Hope U enjoy ur stay here at Lovingyou.com!
click to: respond to this topic
|
|
| Options: Reply To Topic | Start New Topic | Edit Message | Quote Message | Report Abuse
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
posted: 05/20/05 at 7:34 PM
|
|
|
Hey it looks like I just came back just in the nick of time! Hello and welcome swoltz
I am a Black American female and my fiance is Chinese. Now from what I have experienced in dating a Korean man in the past, his mother was very traditional as far as the type of woman she wanted her son with. She wanted him only with another Korean woman who were a lot like herself. He only introduced one of his exes to his mother and his mother didn't even like her because she was "Americanized." He said the girl was educated and everything, but his mother felt like she was too independent acting and that she would not be able to take care of her son the way she did. I was thinking to myself like "omg he already has a mother, why need a second one." She was also annoyed that she didn't even speak their language. She didn't give this girl a chance, so I knew right from there that my relationship with him would most likely never get past the dating stage and I stopped our relationship shortly after that story!
Now in my relationship with my fiance, his family (which is very traditional)accepts me and has welcomed me with open arms. I feel that is because I don't fit the stereotypical role of a Black person, you know....uneducated, lazy, loud and aggressive. They are also proud of the fact that I am taking the initiative to learn mandarin and that I am able to take care of their son as far as being encouraging, loving, and respectful. They are also thrilled with the fact that I can cook Asian dishes for him. So I feel that if your boyfriend is worried about the race issue and bringing you home because his mother may be the closed minded type, you can possibly change that! Try to learn as much as you can about his culture and take a lot of initiatives! I believe that a lot of Asians are very hard workers and they respect those who too are hard workers and aren't afraid of challenges! You have the opportunity to leave him with lasting impressions, so that he has really wonderful things to tell his family about you... prior to the meeting! I feel that he would want to prepare them with information about you, before informing them about your being Black. My fiance had to do that with his grandparents, because they were horribly racist against blacks. Because his parents prepared them in advance about what type of person I was and what I do for their son, they now can't wait to meet me and are accepting!
You can visit www.aaaunity.com to see more stories like ours! I also started a thread in FWAAM (a site about women who love Asian men) on AM/BF relationships and even posted a picture of myself and my fiance and have gotten nothing but love their from both Asian male and female, so I would suggest you join that site! You would be surprised of how accepting our type of union can be especially to our younger generation! 
----------
http://www.blujay.com/virtualmakeover
Last edited by meowmix on 05/20/05 at 7:46 PM
click to: respond to this topic
|
|
| Options: Reply To Topic | Start New Topic | Edit Message | Quote Message | Report Abuse
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
posted: 05/31/05 at 8:40 PM
|
|
|
| I have a friend who's dad is Chinese and who's mom is black. As far as I know, they're still married, but I never met his mom or dad. Just him and his sister who told me. I thought they were Spanish. But I think it's cool. I'm half Puerto Rican and European (possibly British) and my boyfriend is Slovakian, German, and a bunch of other things. He doesn't know any of the languages that go to those countries, but I know Spanish. We're really cool about it. I love learning about other cultures and I know that in China sometimes, the marriage is arranged. My favourite author is Chinese and her older sister's marriage was arranged. Her older sister was 17, the man was 31 or something like that. He was also Chinese, but the marriage fell apart. I've also seen a couple of black and white couples at my high school and someone in my birth family is white married to a black man. And I also heard that Puerto Ricans might have some black in them. I like interracial relationships because it gives you a chance to learn about other cultures like your partner's culture. I've taught my boyfriend some words in Spanish and he's totally cool with that. If he knew Russian or Czech, or German, I would let him teach me.
----------
The future Mr. and Mrs. Corey Resetar
click to: respond to this topic
|
|
| Options: Reply To Topic | Start New Topic | Edit Message | Quote Message | Report Abuse
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Black & Asian posted: 06/01/05 at 5:46 AM
|
|
|
This is the discussion i was scrolling though this page for and Walla! I found it co I really want to talk about this.
I agree with you and i give you much love and best wishes.
Recently, i met an Asian guy at my job, His Asian and Hawaiian and I am black. He is a great guy, we talked for about a month or so, getting to know each other superficially (on the surface) you know when you just meet someone. He was quickly turning to be the guys of my dreams and i think i was really fitting in a puzzle on his end also. I didn't care about what i have always wanted my partner to be – Tall, but everything seemed to be falling in place superficially, he liked the sports i liked, some i did not care too much for and he liked the outdoors (nature) just as much i as i do. He sings and plays guitar and the piano, which is something i have always wanted to learn how to do - quite a few more things i found very intriguing about him and honestly was looking forward to know him beyond the Mr. nice guy but really the good and the bad. I mean i loved the way he made me feel, the attention.
Wasn't sure that a guy like that wouldn't already have a girlfriend, especially since he had the physic that matches with that romantic side of him.
Anyways, the sad part to the story is, it never went beyond the first meet. I wouldn't say date bcos it was not. But he was just almost perfect even though, i have to say the defects were also big but for the others i thought it might be worth it.
When after we meet and i guess he found that I’m not like some girls, I have strict rules about my life style (sex - one big issue) he kind of based it on that and guess he decided that all the other things we felt so good about each other was not big enough to cover that part. I was sad and disappointed, you know, looked forward to some good times (cos we seemed to have clicked).
The funny things is lately, more Asian guys have been drawn to me than I ever thought possible, i mean the others are looking, they see but it's not like the Asians i have seen and meet lately.
I once saw, a very nice looking (reputable) guy at the Public Library and he wanted to talk to me but every time, i was not busy discussing with someone, he was, and some how we kinda just lost the sight that they. This was prior to meeting the Asian guy i mentioned above. And now since then, it's been Asian guys all around. You know just Monday when we finalized that it was not going to work. I was on break when another Asian guy introduces himself to me with an invitation for lunch, as if he knew the other was gone! = )
In a (large) nutshell, yes Asian guys with black girls, i think are going to be just a little more popular.
Another funny thing before i leave the forum is before i meet this Asian guy at my job, i was just telling my Ex (White) sis, in an Interracial dating discussion, that the only races mixes you barely ever see is an Asian Man with a black girl, Asian women with white men are common just not the other. I say bring it on and have fun!
click to: respond to this topic
|
|
| Options: Reply To Topic | Start New Topic | Edit Message | Quote Message | Report Abuse
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
posted: 06/01/05 at 7:27 AM
|
|
|
| Ro'sluvbuzz...what has likely happened is that you are checking Asian guys out differently and they notice. You can pick up an "interest" vibe from someone and all of a sudden these Asian guys are thinking..."hey...she is giving the vibe and so that makes her a possibility"...You have opened the door for these men...men like to be safe when they approach a woman and if they get an inkling that the woman is slightly interested it makes them bolder. I think that perhaps the gulf between Asians and Blacks comes only from the idea that we are so very different, that there is no reason to even try to bridge the gap but when you flirt with an Asian guy and he does the same it opens a whole new world for each of you and I think that this is so cool.
click to: respond to this topic
|
|
| Options: Reply To Topic | Start New Topic | Edit Message | Quote Message | Report Abuse
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
posted: 06/01/05 at 5:58 PM
|
|
|
Thanks Breezyblews for the respoce i do aggree with your insight. I am finding my self hooked here.
I guess i was just shocked by the attention. the guy at my job i metioned, you konw i asked why, among every one else, anmd atv firsthe thought i wa giving my self enought credit (beautiful) but i told him no it was the esteem issue cos i have a lot of it but the fact that he is Asian and i am African (black - color) which is the beauty of it all.
On one hand, i wasn't too supprised, bcos i am more attracted to guys out of my race, quite frankly never really dated one, and guys from other races seemm to be attracted to me too, at least the ones that express it.
But thanks, once again for the mssg make me feel a little better, still feeling the incompleteness from that attempt, i don't like to leave things half way especially if i did not abandon it = )
I have one last comment more like a question, Breezyblews, are you an Asian guy?
click to: respond to this topic
|
|
| Options: Reply To Topic | Start New Topic | Edit Message | Quote Message | Report Abuse
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
posted: 06/01/05 at 7:17 PM
|
|
|
| No Ro'sluv..I'm an African American woman....but I love watching interactions like this..stereotypes and barriers being torn down..people recognizing potential love connections where they never noticed them before..I love the idea of love like this where people find each other despite societal barriers...I think it's delicious and I like reading about it. I love looking at meowmix and her guy's pic..he's gorgeous and she is beautiful too and they make an adorable couple, I mean who would have thought it ... society never even gives that kind of love a second thought but it happens and when it does people who have narrow minds get shaken, they have to restructure what they've always thought about who is loveable and desirable etc...
click to: respond to this topic
|
|
| Options: Reply To Topic | Start New Topic | Edit Message | Quote Message | Report Abuse
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Black & Asian posted: 06/02/05 at 5:54 PM
|
|
|
Thanks Breezyblews for your response. I do agree with your insight. (I am getting hooked here! = ) )
Your response some how makes me feel better. I am still down about the way it ended - honestly. i was looking forward to some great times bcos we seemed to have so much interest in common than anyone I have ever dated.
I guess I feel that way bcos i do not like leaving things halfway. The more difficult part is we still work together and I know we still will for a while - can imaging.
You're right about guys being more confident when they get the response they were hoping for. At one point in time, i asked him why me, and he responded saying that i should given my self more credit than i do, misunderstood, I told him that it’s not the esteem issue bcos I have lot of it, it’s the race and he said it didn’t matter. I thought of what his family would say in place of what he said if they found out that he even had a eye for black (African) girl.
Thank you noce again. But before I go, I have a question for you? Are you Asian too?
You said “…the idea that we are so very different” – WE are so different?
click to: respond to this topic
|
|
| Options: Reply To Topic | Start New Topic | Edit Message | Quote Message | Report Abuse
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
posted: 06/03/05 at 6:01 AM
|
|
|
| Hiya ro'sluvbuzz! Breezyblews is the best I don't know how I managed to miss your entire post. I just came back on this thread to write about my friends new site! Anyways, I read it and Breezy is right in all of her advice. You shouldn't be feeling rejected or any of that, because I'm sure that it had nothing to do with you personally. Sometimes people have a lot going on in their minds and overanalyze everything. He may have really been trying to analyze the situation of his attraction to you and what could come of it! It may have scared him if he was realizing that he would have a problem with it at home or acceptance problem among his friends (balancing if it's worth it or not). Sometimes, people are not really willing to put themselves out there if they feel that society may not be accepting. You should join www.fwaam.com if you really would like to understand Asian males better and get a sense of where their heads are in respects to dating and dating interracially! I really love that site. That site is basically for women who love Asian men and want to discuss issues. There are a lot of kewl people on that site and you can pick up on their views on everything!
----------
http://www.blujay.com/virtualmakeover
Last edited by meowmix on 06/03/05 at 6:35 AM
click to: respond to this topic
|
|
| Options: Reply To Topic | Start New Topic | Edit Message | Quote Message | Report Abuse
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I'm so sad posted: 06/13/05 at 1:07 PM
|
|
|
I'm new here. I'm so sad for my fiance. He's Chinese, I'm black. We were also in a long distance relationship for a year but I will be joining him next month so we will finally be back together
His mother hates the idea that I am black and this is really stressing him out. He has already told her he plans to marry me and he stands up for me. She has never met me or talked to me. He is her only child.
He has met my mother and my mother has no problem with us at all. I have dated outside my race and so has he. His mother has never liked his girlfriends regarless of what they were. But she is so against black people she also claims to be a Christian (you call her behavior Christian like?)
I feel so bad for him and the stress he's in I don't know what to do. Our familes live thousands of miles away so it's not like we will be seeing her often at all. But she calls him often and they get into fights over me/us.
I have never been in a situation like this before. My previous boyfriends families (Filipino and white) accepted me. I can't tell him what to do becasuse it's his mother and only he needs to decide how to handle it.
What can I do to help him in this situation. I've thought about writing his mother a letter. I don't know what to do. Thanks for reading my long post.
Last edited by loongsgrl on 06/13/05 at 1:13 PM
click to: respond to this topic
|
|
| Options: Reply To Topic | Start New Topic | Edit Message | Quote Message | Report Abuse
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Re: I'm so sad posted: 06/13/05 at 2:30 PM
|
|
|
quote:
Originally posted by loongsgrl
His mother hates the idea that I am black and this is really stressing him out. He has already told her he plans to marry me and he stands up for me. She has never met me or talked to me. He is her only child.
He has met my mother and my mother has no problem with us at all. I have dated outside my race and so has he. His mother has never liked his girlfriends regarless of what they were. But she is so against black people she also claims to be a Christian (you call her behavior Christian like?)
I feel so bad for him and the stress he's in I don't know what to do. Our familes live thousands of miles away so it's not like we will be seeing her often at all. But she calls him often and they get into fights over me/us.
What can I do to help him in this situation. I've thought about writing his mother a letter. I don't know what to do. Thanks for reading my long post.
Hello Loongsgrl,
First off welcome and secondly I'm sorry about what you are going through!
You thought of something really good.... "writing a letter" I feel that although it is difficult to impossible to change ignorant p.o.v's, efforts need to be made! By writing this letter, you are introducing yourself and giving her the chance to get to know you. You should express your feelings towards her son and even your eagerness for learning more about their culture. The letter just really needs to be sincere and from your heart! Chinese mother's want to know that their sons are going to be taken care of... not like a laborer, but as similarly to the way they would! Asian mother's feel they do it best and women of their culture do it best! There is a negative feeling in Asia among the older generation about "western culture" "western ways!" They already disapprove of how American's are so spoiled, with seemingly no true values or morals! They think "those stupid Americans!" Being Black on top of it to them is worse. So it's 2 negatives against girls like us. Over there they don't really get a chance to understand hardworking, educated, ambitious Blacks, because that's not what they see on television or hear about.... especially when our hip hop culture seeps in over there the way it does and they have some Jamaicans in Japan doing underground business  You have the chance to possibly change her views. Express to her things that dispute the stereotypes. Hell, it may never be good enough for her, but she will appreciate the effort. You are going to have to put yourself out there a lot if you truly love her son. You're going to have to show and prove, where many people will just give up and feel that it's not worth it.... If it were up to her, she would hand pick her son's wife! She will find a "nice Chinese girl" who is most assimilated to herself!
Family is important to Asians and he's not going to want to cut his family off. In the US, you see people cutting their families off, because their family is so disapproving of the relationship at times. This is not something that is a part of their culture. Family is usually always first and is greatly respected. The tight knit is similar to a Black southern knit family, if you want to use that as a comparison. Chinese men and Asian men in general want to make their families proud and they love their mother's to death! When their mother's are hurt, they feel it deep down, so just make a lot of efforts and do your part in this situation. You may be surprised at the result.
Although I've not gone through any of this with my fiance's family, I've heard stories through groups here online. There is a msn group where Black Asian Families go to for support as well as www.aaaunity.com. Sometimes families don't come around until the beautiful result is born! That is bad, but that happens a lot. I think you should visit www.aaaunity.com... it's a growing site for people like you and I, celebrating our beautiful Black and Asian union.
Good luck and feel free to send me a message whenever you want! )
meowmix
----------
http://www.blujay.com/virtualmakeover
click to: respond to this topic
|
|
| Options: Reply To Topic | Start New Topic | Edit Message | Quote Message | Report Abuse
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Re: Re: I'm so sad posted: 06/13/05 at 3:11 PM
|
|
|
Thanks for responding,
quote:
Originally posted by meowmix
If it were up to her, she would hand pick her son's wife! She will find a "nice Chinese girl" who is most assimilated to herself!
Yes in fact she does want to do this but she wants him to be with a Mexican girl can you believe! Their families are good friends. Luckily my man's not having that
Actually I do know some things about the culture and language since I am living in their culture now. His mother lives in the US and currently I have been living in Taiwan for the past 2 1/2 years where they are from. That's where I met him. He moved back to Taiwan for a short time but has since moved back to the US and I will move back soon.
I'm not so concerned about how I deal with the situation because I'm going to live my life regardless and don't loose sleep about what ignorant people say. I'm just concerned about him because he takes it more to heart than I do.
But thanks for the info. Btw the pic of your guy reminds me of my guy, he used to have long hair too.
click to: respond to this topic
|
|
| Options: Reply To Topic | Start New Topic | Edit Message | Quote Message | Report Abuse
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Re: Re: Re: I'm so sad posted: 06/13/05 at 4:02 PM
|
|
|
quote:
Originally posted by loongsgrl
Thanks for responding,
Yes in fact she does want to do this but she wants him to be with a Mexican girl can you believe! Their families are good friends. Luckily my man's not having that
Actually I do know some things about the culture and language since I am living in their culture now. His mother lives in the US and currently I have been living in Taiwan for the past 2 1/2 years where they are from. That's where I met him. He moved back to Taiwan for a short time but has since moved back to the US and I will move back soon.
Oh, you're quite welcome. Also, you have a unique situation going on here. Wow! So what brought you to Taiwan? Also, how has your experience been there personally? How are you received as a couple?
I am very curious about this, because I have heard it from a Black males perspective, but never a Black females perspective! My fiance's mother, told him that he should prepare me as much as possible before we go there, because the people in Mainland China are not as open minded as his family is and there will be staring, maybe unkind words etc... Do people do things to make you feel uncomfortable? The only experience I have of viewing how Asian people receive us is in New York's Chinatown (the men smile at times and the girls sneer ) Also over here in Oklahoma in the Chinese restaurants everyone is really nice to us and the girls smile at me. So it's confusing as to how we are received, but I will really find this out when I get there. I'd love to hear your take on it though.
----------
http://www.blujay.com/virtualmakeover
click to: respond to this topic
|
|
| Options: Reply To Topic | Start New Topic | Edit Message | Quote Message | Report Abuse
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
