 |
| |
|
|
|
The Distance of Love... posted: 10/29/09 at 5:50 AM
|
|
|
They say, “Love knows no bounds”. You don’t choose whom you’ll fall in love with; fate chooses that for you, what you do with the feelings is up to you. There’s no unwritten rules that say you can’t fall in love with your best friend, or even someone you’ve just met and are just getting to know. But in the long run the person you’ve been given to love, as your “soulmate”, should turn out to be your best friend if it’s really meant to be. I’m lucky enough to have been given a chance at the second situation. I’ve fallen in love with the most amazing girl in the world (in my opinion, of course), who I just met rather unexpectedly several months ago, and each day that passes is another day to get to know her better and love her more.
The rain on our parade just happens to be the hundreds of miles that separate us but at the same time this “rain” also strengthens us individually and as a couple. I can honestly say I’ve never gotten to know someone, and loved them, so completely in such a short period of time. There is no one who knows all of my secrets and intricacies as much as Maggie and no one that I know more about after such a short time. We’ve taught each other new things and in turn learned new things about ourselves through our relationship together.
It’s been said that when you meet “the one” you will know, like a sixth sense, there will be no doubt in your mind that this person is the person you will spend your life with. Sometimes it takes many years, ups and downs, and in betweens to realize whom that person is – in my case, our case, it’s only taken several months. Some may call us crazy or naïve but the naysayers end up being the ones who truly don’t understand. The feelings and emotions are there, there’s no stopping or changing them – just because we’re young and so far apart does not mean that we aren’t in love and that I – we – want to spend the rest of our lives together.
The problem once again comes down to distance, hence “the distance of love”. I’m willing to give up all that I have for her and for us, my house, my current job, my friends, and the place I’ve lived and known for all 22 years of my life. I know that great love comes with great sacrifices and I’m willing to make those sacrifices if it means even just the slightest chance to make things work and of course make things easier. After all, these things are all material, but love is concrete and practical. I have no doubt that giving up these material things for our future would not be a mistake but that doesn’t make it any easier.
As I’ve said, there is no one, in my eyes, like Maggie. This is not my first shot at love. I spent 5 years in a relationship that failed despite all the obvious signs I was overlooking. I’m happy to say that not a single one of those signs has presented itself in my current relationship – despite our situation, and I know enough about Maggie at this point that I’d know if there were going to be any issues like previously. I stack it up to a learning experience, I learned what love isn’t so that now I can be sure of what love is and be sure that what I currently have is the most amazing love one could ever hope for.
So, what does it all come down to? At this point it comes down to waiting and staying strong… Waiting for the opportunity in our lives that we can finally be together indefinitely instead of just one weekend or one short break from school/work at a time. It also comes down to having the strength to wait for that time despite all of the possible setbacks and feelings of hopelessness and loneliness we both feel when we’re apart. I know that she’s always a phone call, text message, or email away but at the same time I crave the physical connection we have when we do get to be together. I wouldn’t trade a minute of our hours and hours of elaborate conversations for anything in the world; words are all we have when we’re apart. In the same respect I would give anything to close the distance and start our “real” lives together.
We often talk about the future and those are some of the best conversations we’ve had to date. She supports my dreams and desires, and likewise, I support hers in return. We’ve got all the makings of a happy, healthy relationship – we just don’t have the means to make it possible in the foreseeable future and that is the hardest thing to accept in our world right now. By this I mean we don’t have a way to close the gap, despite that fact we make the best of what we do have and work hard to make the best out of a less than ideal situation (separation).
I’m not one to rush the future but when your heart aches because the person you love is not able to be there when you need them most, you begin to learn that something has to change or you start to become physically ill and its an illness that will eat you alive if not “treated”. The “treatments” come in the form of short visits and long nights chatting on the phone but they don’t ultimately offer a “cure” so we’re forced to suffer through this life shattering, heart breaking “illness” with little more than temporary fixes that provide relief for the short term problems but don’t solve any long range goals.
In the long run her happiness is my main concern. If she’s happier at her current school and not willing to consider relocating to the school where I live then I know I must find a way to relocate myself. I know that school and soccer are two very important things in her life and I would never ask her to give up those things for me, if it came down to a choice between them – for whatever reason – I would advocate choosing school and soccer over me and our relationship because a good education means a lot in today’s world and she’s very passionate about the soccer team she’s on now. That doesn’t mean that I don’t think she could get a good education here, or be on a good soccer team, just that she needs to make that decision for herself, after weighing all the pros/cons, because I, of course, have bias and ulterior motives for wanting her to relocate.
The hardest part is realizing that she does have a separate life right now, and there’s always a possibility – no matter how remote – that she could find someone/something better that would change our situation all together. I suppose this is probably the pessimist in me because I don’t think this would ever actually happen. But when her happiness is my main concern, I’m willing to give up what we have if she ever were to find something else that makes her happier, no matter what that something is. She’s got many friends and a world of possibilities ahead of her and I never want to hold her back from anything, it’s not fair to her at all and I love her too much to see her give up something she’s passionate about to settle for something else, something completely new and unknown that she could utterly hate – even with the prospect of being closer to me thrown in as an added bonus.
I know deep in my heart that someday we will be together, and I’m willing to wait as long as necessary until that time comes. As we always say to each other “we’ll always have Paris”, meaning we’ll always have that one special place/time when the distance doesn’t seem so far or we’re able to be together and make memories that will last our lifetime. I’m beginning to learn that some of the best memories we have are when we share Paris together, whether we be sharing it in close proximity or hundreds of miles apart.
click to: respond to this topic
|
|
| Options: Reply To Topic | Start New Topic | Edit Message | Quote Message | Report Abuse
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
posted: 10/29/09 at 5:59 AM
|
|
|
| Wow... that is absolutely beautiful. The love you have for her shines so brightly behind everything you've said. I have tears in my eyes because I know what that feeling is like, and you've expressed it so perfectly. You two clearly have something so wonderful, despite the distance, and it's beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing.
----------
Absence is to love what wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small, it rekindles the great.
-- Comte DeBussy-Rabutin
click to: respond to this topic
|
|
| Options: Reply To Topic | Start New Topic | Edit Message | Quote Message | Report Abuse
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
posted: 10/29/09 at 6:39 AM
|
|
|
Wow, a very nice post indeed. I particularly enjoyed your extended metaphor on illness and cures, and how that relates to LDRs. Creative!
I think your words will probably ring out with many users on this board. I myself constantly kept thinking about my own girlfriend who is across the world, and all of the sacrifices both of us are making and will continue to make in order to be together and end the distance for good next year. It’s a long and winding road, but I think with your kind of attitude you’ll make it through.
Plus, I always find it nice to see other guys on here heh, there are a few regulars, but it is always nice for some new, consistent faces.
----------
A guy on the LDR board? Nice!
www.youtube.com/rodgerswan
click to: respond to this topic
|
|
| Options: Reply To Topic | Start New Topic | Edit Message | Quote Message | Report Abuse
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
posted: 10/29/09 at 6:47 AM
|
|
|
Hah, yeah There aren't many guys out that would take the time to find a site like this. But I'm glad I did.
As for the illness metaphor... I guess I just reverted to what I know best, being an EMT and all, but there are other reasons as well. I really wrote this for my girlfriend and decided to post it on here after finding the site while searching for info on LDR support type groups.
So, thanks for the kind words and encouragement. I'm just discovering how much I enjoy writing. Maybe I'll find the time and ambition to post more on these boards in the future.
click to: respond to this topic
|
|
| Options: Reply To Topic | Start New Topic | Edit Message | Quote Message | Report Abuse
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
posted: 10/29/09 at 11:42 AM
|
|
|
I really really really agree with the illness/cure thing. I have many good things going on in my life right now (family, friends, school etc) but although I'm reasonably happy, I realised that I havent been contented in a very long while, not ever since the distance started. And I'm never going to feel real peace/contentment until we end the distance for good (2 more years, bleh). The distance is always going to be at the back of my mind otherwise.
PS You write beautifully, your gf is a lucky woman =)
----------
Love is patient, love is kind. Love is not jealous, does not brag and is not arrogant. Love does not act unbecomingly, it does not seek its own. Love is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered. Love does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices in the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
click to: respond to this topic
|
|
| Options: Reply To Topic | Start New Topic | Edit Message | Quote Message | Report Abuse
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
posted: 11/04/09 at 10:49 PM
|
|
|
Thank you so much for sharing. I am 22 and about to pick up and move across the world to be with my boyfriend. We were together for 6 months and will have been in a LDR for 2 years. I have seen the crazy looks people give me when I say I'm moving. It will be the hardest thing I've ever had to do, as I'm so close to my family, but I could not be more confident about the decision. I've enrolled in a Masters program out there and cannot wait to see how our life together unfolds.
(I did want to add that I know how you feel about being willing to give up everything, but still trying to find the right time. I spent a year and half finishing my degree in America, and six months living at home and working seven days a week, so that I can confidently make this move -- I committed myself to moving out there with him two years ago, and it is finally the 'right' time. The waiting is hard, but he has made me happy every day we have been apart  )
click to: respond to this topic
|
|
| Options: Reply To Topic | Start New Topic | Edit Message | Quote Message | Report Abuse
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
posted: 12/09/09 at 5:31 PM
|
|
|
I love this post and you know what yea it sucks that we are all in LDR, but we are all so very lucky to have met our special someone and at least we have something that some people never find.
Just my 2 cents
----------
RIP Rodger Swan 12/19/86 - 1/26/10
 
"I will promise u the best trip in the world. The best time together. I love u my heart is crazy after u. I want u love u and gonna give u everything u need. Cuz u r the only one I'm gonna give my heart. And maybe we go bck to Esfahan by car. Then I can show u a lil bit of Iran" - Miad 9th Nov 07
click to: respond to this topic
|
|
| Options: Reply To Topic | Start New Topic | Edit Message | Quote Message | Report Abuse
|
|
|
|
|
. Maggie is one of the very lucky girls. I dont see too often, guys that are able to express their most intimate feelings in words, as well as you did.
+ 
= 
