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Lovingyou.com > Love Advice & Tips > Ask A Male > How do I tell my husband I'm leaving
How do I leave my husband
Do it in a letter
Do it face to face
Don't leave
Set him up with another woman
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How do I tell my husband I'm leaving posted: 12/01/04 at 2:48 AM
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I want to leave my husband and everytime I get up the nerve to do it, he makes me feel like crap. I care about him and he is a hard working, faithful, nice guy, but I am not in love with him any more. We have on child together but I know I shouldn't stay for the child but I feel selfish wanting to leave so I can be happy.

How do I drop a bomb shell saying good bye??

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posted: 12/01/04 at 3:04 AM

Fallingagain  [more]
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Do it as fast as you can.The longer you stay the worst it will be.I left my husband after our daughter was born.I wasn't in love with him.He still makes me feel guilty but it had to be done.Do it face to face you owe him that much respect.

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posted: 12/01/04 at 3:22 AM
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Thank you

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posted: 12/01/04 at 3:34 AM

golfer4life  [more]
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Do it in person if you must. First spend some time alone and try to recall what it was that caused you to go from being in love with him to simply caring about him. You need to develop a list of the reasons for your decision to leave beyond "I don't love you anymore." You should do your best to avoid blaming and keep the discussion as non-confrontational as possible.You need to have your plan for going forward, because after the conversation I suspect someone is going to move out.

You don't say how long you have been together, how long you have been married or the age of your child. Have you thought about counselling? You were in love once, why not again.

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posted: 12/01/04 at 4:33 AM

halbbd01  [more]
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I'm with senser. You can fall in out and out love. The challenge to any couple is staying in love. If you haven't made an effort, which includes couples counseling then you're not being fair to him or your child IMO and you should feel guilty.

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posted: 12/01/04 at 10:00 PM

ugk  [more]
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Grow a set and say to his face..

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posted: 12/01/04 at 10:00 PM
CindyStone  [more]
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If he is so great then why leave? I'm not being rude, I just don't understand.
Also, I agree with senser and halbbd01....it sounds like its worth trying.

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posted: 12/01/04 at 11:02 PM
smoothide  [more]
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afterufall,

I've been married over 31 years and I can tell you that there will be times when you wonder why you married the person you are with. Marriage takes work. There are times when you do not get any satisfaction from the other person and you give all the effort. This is why the idea that marriage is a 50-50 proposition is so wrong. Marriage is a 110% proposition. You give.

You say that he is a good man. Has he abused you? Beaten you? Does he provide for the family or is he a bum? Does he have a mean disposition? In other words, what is so negative about him that you think you need to dissolve the marriage?

"I just don't love him anymore" is not a viable excuse because you will feel that way periodically throughout marriage no matter to whom you are married. Remember, you have made a committment to a person for the rest of your life. Like family, you cannot get rid of your mother, father, brother, sister, etc., just because you suddenly don't feel like having that relationship anymore. You will always have that relationship. And you will always have the relationship with your husband. If you divorce him, the relationship will be extremely difficult and not better. Think long and hard about this decision.

Let me make a suggestion.

It sounds as though you are bored with the relationship. Aside from the daily grind that couples go through, what do you do as a couple that brings life and vitality to the relationship? When is the last time the two of you went on a date? Take the time to get away together without the hassles of everyday life. Do this every week. You do not have to spend alot of money--you can go for walks in the park or have coffee and so on. The point is that you connect with each other in a way that brings back the intimacy of your original relationship.

No one and nothing will bring you up out of the doldrums. You must do this yourself.

My wife and I have had our difficulties but the one thing that I hang onto is the fact that there is no other person in the world that understands or has experienced the things she and I have shared. It is like our own little secret because, no matter how much I wish to explain our experiences to others, in reality, she is the only one who really understands. That is something you build over years and years of hard work.

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posted: 12/02/04 at 10:28 AM

Agirlforme  [more]
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I think you'll break his heart by leaving, and also ruin the family and your kids chance at having a healthy mother and father role model. But if your selfishness rules you to such an extent...tell it to his face.

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Pay attention to your partner. If you don't...somebody else will.

There are three sides to every story. Yours, theirs, and the truth.

MATH MADE EASY

Register your complaint here

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posted: 12/02/04 at 11:24 PM
lars  [more]
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Wow, a lot of judging going on here without knowing the whole situation at all. Or is there another thread I'm missing.

If you want to leave, do. Don't stay for the child (a child is ALWAYS better off with 2 seperate but happy parents then 2 together but miserable parents), or for religous reasons or because people call you selfish. You are the only one responsible for your happiness and no one else can tell you how to get there.

Frankly, if you're worried about him guilting you into staying, you need to have a plan. Right down exactly what you want to say to him, and either write him a letter, or better yet read it directly to him and stay on message. It'll feel like crap when you do it, prepare yourself for that.

Good luck.

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