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Lovingyou.com > Love Advice & Tips > Ask A Male > He loves me, and it scares him!
He loves me, and it scares him! posted: 02/09/04 at 6:47 AM
claudia23  [more]
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I cant figure this out!!! I have been with my boyfriend for about five months now, and it is the first time for both of us that we have felt "real" unsuperficial adult love. We have both had relationships before, but this is the first for both of us that we have acutally felt this stong of an emotion, the first time we actually look at eachother and think we could spend the rest of our lives together. Yes, things really moved fast for us, we fell in love, moved in together, have a home together, and it is unbelievable...the only thing that messes us up it the fact that he cannot make up his mind if this is what he wants right now. He has actually cried in my arms telling me that he loves me so much that is scares him, and it caught him off gaurd. He wasn't looking for a girlfriend, much less a possible lifetime partner, but here it is, and he feels so strongly about me and just doesn't know if he wants it all right now. We can be so very happy with eachother, we are best friends, but I feel like the happier he gets, the more he freaks out. He is twenty five years old, I am twenty three...He has told me that it feels as though comiting to this relationship mean closing a chapter of his life, and he just doesn't know if he is ready to do that. I tell him it is the end of a chapter, but the begining of another wonderful one...he knows this, he doesn't want to leave, or lose me, but we keep having these tearful discussions about his continuous internal struggle. I love him so much, and I am trying to be patient with him, I do understand the overwhelming feeling of finding this kind of love, but he does't seem to be able to handle it....he wants to so badly, but his mind will not leave him alone! Anyone out there have any advice? I don't want to let this one go, he means the world to me! Thanks!







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posted: 02/09/04 at 7:25 AM
shazbot  [more]
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He is twenty five and he needs to acknowledge the fact that he's not in high school anymore, he sounds just like some whiner that doens't want to grow up.

I am sympathetic to some degree, but not much...he has already committed, so he shoudln't be whining...if he had a problem wtih this he should have decided before he moved in with you...

I realise this can happen, and he's not a monster, but he needs to grow up, he is going tohave these crises every so often for hte rest of his life, when he has kids, gets a big job, buys a home, and has to retire and has grandkids, its part of growing up and he needs to stop whining about it..

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posted: 02/10/04 at 1:17 AM

Pusser  [more]
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Didn't we address this thread earlier? Anyway, he has strong feelings for you, but apparently not enough to give up his single lifestyle, which it sounds like he values more than being with you. Love doesn't scare you----it fulfills you----people die to get it----your boyfriend is not ready for that yet. Five months is not a long time---you might give it more time and in the meantime, back off the intensity if you think that's scaring him.

BTW, he's not scared by love. As Shazbot says, he's scared of growing up. So far, you've not inspired him to---perhaps you will before long.

Don't be so serious so early in your relationship.

Pusser

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"My mother used to tell me, 'In this world, you must be oh so smart or oh so pleasant.' Well, for years I was smart. I recommend pleasant." Ellwood P. Dowd in HARVEY

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posted: 02/10/04 at 1:29 AM

*Angelic Me*  [more]
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I agree w/the above statements. I think he's just not ready for anything serious in his life. Maybe in another few months he will be more serious about you, but for now, he hasn't gotten to that level in his life where he's wanting something so serious. Five months really isn't long enough to know what you really want long-term....

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"When in your eyes I see myself is when I'll want nobody else..." ~Me

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