A collection of love, romance and relationships resources including advice, poetry, quotes, dedications, chat, horoscopes, romantic ideas, message boards, free love postcards and much more!!
What's New Today on LYC...
Monthly Romance Calendar
Forum Quick Links:   Forum Home   |   My Home Page   |   My Inbox   |   My Calendar   |   Find Members   |   FAQ   |   Terms  
Popular Forums:   LYC Chat   |   Love Advice   |   Sexually Speaking   |   Military Spouses   |   Online Romance   |   Ask A Male   |   LDR   |   Holidays  
Lovingyou.com > Pillow Talk > Sexually Speaking > I can't orgasm through penetration
I can't orgasm through penetration Angry posted: 08/03/13 at 3:15 PM

ambernchris  [more]
IP: Logged
 Posts: 28
 Group: New Member 
 Joined: Feb 2008
 Status: OFFLINE
Make Buddy | PM User
I've been told that this is a very common thing to happen to women. But I've never been able to come by penetration unless something is stimulating my clitoris and what my question is to y'all is if anyone else has this same problem and how they've fixed it.

(Here is where I go deep and I wonder if this is my reason that I can't)
At the age of 8 (I'm 25 now) I was molested. I won't go into extensive detail but this person did eat me out and of course at such a young age I didn't understand what was happening to me or why I was feeling the way that I felt when he did that to me so after this happened several months later I was curious and wanted to feel that 'feeling' again. So like most girls as I've come to find out I began using the shower head and began making myself come.
Fast forward to 18 almost 19 I was dating my now fiancee and we had sex for the first time (he was my first) and of course through penetration I didn't come which after watching all of these hollywood films or hearing stories from friends that is how they've always come was through penetration I expected I would. For years now we've tried and tried and tried to make me come through penetration but I just can't unless my fiancee and I a small vibrator (like the one from KY) on my clit while we're going at it and even then it takes some time (I'm not sure if this is because I get frustrated with myself because it's just taking forever for me to come or I feel bad that it's taking so long so again I get frustrated or hell maybe when my fiancee goes down on me that I...idk feel bad that he has to eat me out just for me to even have an orgasm). Now I know every woman is different but all of my friends or other women I've talked to came come during penetration. And my fiancee's previous girlfriends all could come during penetration so I know he knows what he's doing. So I know it's me. Now I know in my heart my fiancee does not mind whats so ever going down on me. Hell he throws me on the bed and just goes to town but what I want more than anything is to be able to come while he's inside of me and for us to come together. He knows I get annoyed with myself for not coming vaginally but he always assures me that he could care less (which is why I love him so much) but I want to do this for the both of us.
So my question (after this long a** story) to y'all is are there any positions that we could try or something I'm not doing that is preventing me from coming vaginally.
Thank you so much for listening to me.

Amber

click to: respond to this topic

Options: Reply To Topic | Start New Topic | Edit Message | Quote Message | Report Abuse
posted: 08/03/13 at 5:21 PM

brokenstar85  [more]
IP: Logged
 Posts: 2382
 Group: Member 
 Joined: Nov 2006
 Status: OFFLINE
Make Buddy | PM User
Only about 20% of women are able to come vaginally. Women in movies are faking it, and I highly suspect that a lot of your friends/the women that he has been with in the past have been faking it too. It's not uncommon at all to need clit stimulation, there is nothing wrong with you.

----------
"Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me alone."

click to: respond to this topic

Options: Reply To Topic | Start New Topic | Edit Message | Quote Message | Report Abuse
posted: 08/03/13 at 11:04 PM

wildsnake88  [more]
IP: Logged
 Posts: 1330
 Group: Member 
 Joined: Jan 2011
 Status: OFFLINE
Make Buddy | PM User
Speaking for myself, when i'm on top, 'riding' my hubby fast,lol, yes! i could cum through just penetration alone, and when he is thrusting me from behind while in the standing position, it's also another way i can climax without much effort.

I must say it doesn't happen all the time in those positions, but it is Possible to have an orgasm through penetration alone and i have experienced it many times. But do NOT pressure yourself if you can't climax through only penetration, it is Very common that many women need more stimulation to achieve an orgasm and what matters most is you both enjoy the sex.

----------
"I Thank Mother Nature For The GOOD Venom To DESTROY EVIL! They FEAR The SNAKE, Like They FEAR WISDOM." ♥WildSnake♥

FACTS: Stay Faithful Or Stay Single. Smart Women Know How To Love, SMARTER Women Know WHO To Love!

"It Isn't REAL Love Until You Found Someone Who Will Love You FAITHFULLY And Always Be There For You.TRUE Hearts DON'T Cheat!"

"BE True, BE Real, BE YOU!"
*** Read My (Latest) Blog On Profile ***
Daisypath Anniversary tickers

click to: respond to this topic

Options: Reply To Topic | Start New Topic | Edit Message | Quote Message | Report Abuse
posted: 08/03/13 at 11:19 PM

Gail65  [more]
IP: Logged
 Posts: 7264
 Group: Member 
 Joined: Feb 2010
 Status: OFFLINE
Make Buddy | PM User
I am 47 yo and have never orgasm by penetration only. It's not a problem to be solved, this is how majority of women are. If you want to orgasm during penetration then stimulate your clitoris at the same time you have penetration. There is no secret to uncover here, no method, no procedure.

click to: respond to this topic

Options: Reply To Topic | Start New Topic | Edit Message | Quote Message | Report Abuse
Wink posted: 08/04/13 at 3:23 PM

msj75  [more]
IP: Logged
 Posts: 20
 Group: New Member 
 Joined: Jul 2012
 Status: OFFLINE
Make Buddy | PM User
Hi I am 54 and I thought there was only the one way too until I experienced the G-Spot orgasm! My husband makes me come that way with only his fingers and it is the best orgasm ever!

click to: respond to this topic

Options: Reply To Topic | Start New Topic | Edit Message | Quote Message | Report Abuse
posted: 08/06/13 at 9:10 AM

blondgrrl  [more]
IP: Logged
 Posts: 7126
 Group: Member 
 Joined: Feb 2008
 Status: OFFLINE
Make Buddy | PM User
Every woman is different. We aren't like guys, with their fun bit there on the outside where it's easy to see and experiment with! Guys on average start experimenting sexually with themselves at age 11. It's seen as normal for little boys to explore themselves, and they figure out how their penis works pretty quickly. Grab, and pull! Simple! LOL.

But girl parts are tucked away inside. We can't see them without a mirror, and on top of that, girls are made to feel their pvssy is somehow dirty and are actively DIScouraged to experiment. So most women don't begin exploring themselves until they begin having penetrative sex, and by then have internalized this shame and hesitate to explore their body and find out how it works. When they've begun to have sex, then, they're confused to realize that it's not as easy for them to come as romantic movies and porn movies portray it to be. They wind up thinking something is wrong with them, and internalize even MORE shame.

Sex education is severely lacking in that regard. It doesn't teach that the vast majority of women need clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm. It doesn't teach that a woman's best orgasm helper is her finger, his tongue, his finger, or a vibrator. It doesn't teach about the Gspot. It doesn't teach that every single woman is UNIQUE and needs something different- just because one particular thing worked for your fiance's ex doesn't mean the same thing will work for you.

Every single woman is different, and every time you're with a new girl you are essentially starting all over again. Every girl I have slept with has been different in terms of what she needs to come. Some girls come easily and some take a loooong time. One girl I dated liked hard penetration with fingers while getting oral stimulation, and another just hated penetration and always wanted me to use a vibrator on her. Even then it was tricky to make her come, and sometimes it just didn't happen for her, and we'd just cuddle. Some girls like heavy stimulation, but other girls are too sensitive and need very light strokes. Some girls enjoy Gspot stimulation and some of those can even squirt, but for others Gspot stimulation is unpleasant or else doesn't feel like anything at all. It's a total mixed bag.

You need to find out what works for YOU. And you need to come to understand that the way your body works is....the way it works.

To find that out, you need to be open and experiment with all kinds of different positions, toys, and fantasies. Relax! Have fun, don't put pressure on yourself- there's no "right" way to come, so stop worrying about what doesn't work and start focusing on what does work. If you need clitoral stimulation to orgasm, then that's what you should focus on.

FYI, I'm 40, bisexual, non-monogamous, and kinky. I have an extremely high sex drive, and no sexual taboos. And.... I can't come without clitoral stimulation. Never have! But that's never made me feel inadequate...in fact, I'm extremely sexually satisfied.

----------
Seek out argument and disputation for their own sake; the grave will supply plenty of time for silence.
-Christopher Hitchens

Last edited by blondgrrl on 08/06/13 at 9:20 AM

click to: respond to this topic

Options: Reply To Topic | Start New Topic | Edit Message | Quote Message | Report Abuse
posted: 08/06/13 at 10:45 PM

Pusser  [more]
IP: Logged
 Posts: 6426
 Group: Forum moderator 
 Joined: Aug 2003
 Status: OFFLINE
Make Buddy | PM User
What blondgrrl said.

----------
"My mother used to tell me, 'In this world, you must be oh so smart or oh so pleasant.' Well, for years I was smart. I recommend pleasant." Ellwood P. Dowd in HARVEY

click to: respond to this topic

Options: Reply To Topic | Start New Topic | Edit Message | Quote Message | Report Abuse
posted: 08/07/13 at 6:35 PM

Egnima76  [more]
IP: Logged
 Posts: 133
 Group: Member 
 Joined: Jun 2011
 Status: OFFLINE
Make Buddy | PM User
Amber,
I am sorry about what happened to you when you were a child and
I would suggest seeing a therapist if your still carrying that baggage around into your adult relationships.

After saying all that.. I have friends and co workers who say that they have to have oral before intercourse or they won't reach the mountaintop.
Orgasms for many women can be had through various paths, lucky us. :0) And don't discount foreplay.... I have learned that the right amount of foreplay will almost always set me up for an explosive orgasm no matter what I am doing. Without it, I can get there, but it will take skill and time.

----------
The difference between failure and sucess is doing a thing nearly right and doing a thing exactly right....

~Edward Simmons~

click to: respond to this topic

Options: Reply To Topic | Start New Topic | Edit Message | Quote Message | Report Abuse
posted: 08/08/13 at 2:24 AM
cablebandit  [more]
IP: Logged
 Posts: 251
 Group: Member 
 Joined: Feb 2011
 Status: OFFLINE
Make Buddy | PM User
EXACTLY what Blondgrrl said. My wife can orgasm from penetration alone but only sometimes. She didn't start having orgasms until she really figured out what she liked through masturbation.....just as Blondgrrl has said.

----------
Rich Rodriguez : It is very difficult to reason someone out of a position they did not reason themselves into.

click to: respond to this topic

Options: Reply To Topic | Start New Topic | Edit Message | Quote Message | Report Abuse
posted: 08/10/13 at 11:39 PM

Katie S.  [more]
IP: Logged
 Posts: 4286
 Group: Member 
 Joined: Aug 2005
 Status: OFFLINE
Make Buddy | PM User
I believe with women imagination, psychology, and emotions are crucial factors in sexual satisfaction and often these elements are mostly if not completely ignored and physical and technical aspects are over-emphasized. Just like a man cannot engage in intercourse without an erection, a woman is not ready for intercourse until she is naturally prepared, which means she will be wet. Artificial lubrication is not enough. A woman becomes naturally wet when she is both stimulated and aroused physically and psychologically. If she is not aroused psychologically/emotionally, no amount of physical stimulation can work. By emotional I am not saying she necessarily needs to be in love but she needs to be "in desire." I believe women are generally more "sensual" than men, while men are more "sexual" so that women will require more non-genital touching to become sexually aroused fully and also psychological elements can be more profound on women than for men.

Men, in general, do not understand this--except for the few enlightened ones--and see sex from their POV, which is understandable. And because men "tend" to be more dominant in sexual activity, they will assume the woman is also mostly stimulated by the obvious...genitals and boobs...if you will. I find that men go too quickly for the genitals and boobs, when they should wait until the woman is sufficiently aroused. BUT in all fairness, it's up to the ladies to communicate your needs and be more assertive during sexual activity...because most men are clueless unless you share your thoughts.

For a woman to orgasm through penetration, it may help to communicate to your partner that you are not ready to be stimulated directly to the genitals and boobs, until you are wet or feeling tingly. If the stimulation starts too early, it may take a long time because the rubbing can make you numb. Also, men are usually too rough...and if this continues too long, it may hurt or also feel numb after a while. Kindly, gently, and lovingly, tell your man what feels good...be careful not to criticize. Unless he's into being ordered around...lol.

Another thing that helps with orgasms through penetration is anal stimulation, if this is something you are comfortable with. You do not have to have anal sex, and if you are not comfortable with your partner doing it, you can self-stimulate or look into "toys" that may help.

Bottomline is the importance of foreplay, which is basically for the purpose of becoming fully aroused through non-genital touching, caressing, and kissing, and possibly other things--even conversation and anything that sparks the romantic imagination.

It may even be things that a woman can do beforehand on her own to get herself in the mood. Take a bubble bath, dress up in a pretty outfit, wear sexy lingerie, read your favorite romance novel or movie or whatever it is that turns you on.

Also, I think many women--even unconsciously--view sex ultimately as something they do to the please the man. We may even view orgasms as something that's meant to boost the man's ego. We have been socialized to believe that men enjoy it more than women and should. This is ingrained and I think even the most enlightened among us still have some remnant of this Victorian thinking whether we like it or not. Start re-conditioning yourself to view sex as something you enjoy together, and that as a woman, it's "okay" to have different ways to experience pleasure. We are still viewing sexual pleasure from essentially a male model, so many assumptions about sexual pleasure may not necessarily apply to women...and it's okay to explore. Just because it's an expectation that men will orgasm during penetration, doesn't mean there is something wrong with you if as a woman you are finding it difficult to do so. It IS more difficult because of our physiologies and psychologies related to sex so it's very normal for a woman to NOT to orgasm during penetration. However, it could be a sign that you need to investigate whether you are approaching sex in a way that is fair and balanced for both of you.

Regarding past sexual abuse. I think that many of us have experienced some level of sexual abuse, exploitation, or disrespect whether through no fault of our own as innocent minors or a combination of our own poor judgment and decision-making as adults. We cannot change past events, but the important thing is to accept that we haved moved on and we have the power to not allow ourselves to be imprisoned by these memories. The past does not have to define your present or keep you from your future. These things are part of human life and some level of "acceptance" of good and bad, helps me free myself of guilt, shame, anger and sadness from these events. Yes, you do have to work through it--maybe even with professional help--but the difference between being a victim and an empowered strong adult is the understanding that you have 100% power and control over your reactions and how you choose to have these things affect you in the long-run and also learning how to prevent these type of events in the future.

By the way, it has been rare that I will NOT have an orgasm through penetration. It may also be of interest for you to note that I am 54 years old, and have been in menopause since about 47-48. Since my late 30s to now, I have never had too many issues with sex, have not had one hot flash or menopausal symptom and have never required artificial lubrication. If anything, I had more difficulty with orgasms during penetration when I was less experienced. But I also now make sure to NEVER have sex with a man who doesn't turn me on 100% physically and emotionally. When I was younger I was not as confident in my tastes in men so I wasn't sure what I was missing. Now I know what I'm very happy to miss!!! Perhaps that's why it's been 3 years since I had sex...at least with anyone other than myself. Quality is now a bigger priority than quantity. That makes my enjoyment of sex that much greater. LOL!

----------
Live in a way that leaves no regrets.
Strive most to understand what you fear most.
To change our lives, we must first change our minds.

click to: respond to this topic

Options: Reply To Topic | Start New Topic | Edit Message | Quote Message | Report Abuse
More On Page: (1) 2 »

 

Notice: Use this form ONLY if you are already a member! New users, register for free here!
Notice: This is our quick reply form, for all reply options such as smilies, HTML and more, click here!
Fast Reply:
Your User Name:    Want to register?
Your Password:    Forgotten your password?
Subject: (Optional)
Show Signature: include your profile signature.
 Notice: By submitting to this site, you agree to these terms of use.
Forum Options:
· Save this topic to my favorites (subscribed)!

· Email this topic to a friend!
Rate This Thread:

Back To: Lovingyou.com > Pillow Talk > Sexually Speaking > I can't orgasm through penetration

 

LOVINGYOU.COM SITE MAP
LOVE:  Communication | Affairs | Dating | Getting Serious | Getting Married | Break Ups | Loving Yourself | Support Groups | Dear Love
ROMANCE:  Romance 101 | Ideas | Date Nights | Recipes for Two | Romantic Travel | Craft Ideas | Holidays & Celebrations
PASSION:  Lovemaking 101 | Passion Play | Loverotica | Ask Aphrodite | Pillow Talk
INSPIRATION:  Love Poetry | Love Letters | Love Quotes | Love Stories | Dedications | Printables | Lovescopes | eCards
   Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Contact Us | Writer's Guidelines | Suggestions

Lovingyou.com, Inc.SM All rights reserved.

Message board powered by vBulletin. Copyright ©2000, 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Limited.

SheKnows Lifestyles