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ex contacting me posted: 08/18/12 at 5:34 PM
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Help.
I posted the other day about how I ended my relationship after 6 years together. Despite my ex stating that he wanted no contact, and me agreeing, he has been messaging me saying he misses me and wants me back etc.
I miss him too but I know I did the right thing ending it. I tried for months to communicate with him that the relationship was in trouble and it always felt like he wouldn't meet me half way to resolve it. Now hes saying he regrets that.
How do I handle this? I don't want to prolong how long it takes him to move on, but at the same time he's obviously hurting a lot and I don't want to crush him.
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posted: 08/18/12 at 6:46 PM
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| He will give up after a while. Regardless how you respond....whether harshly or lovingly he will take it as hope. When you dont respond he will be forced to go through phases and eventually give up.
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When I am at work, its like I am Iron Man...I feel invincible when I don the armor of success....
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posted: 08/19/12 at 5:07 AM
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If it would create hurt for you, then don't do anything that makes you feel worse and if he wants to vent and needs answers, why not have him email any concerns he has and you can alnswer him so he can move on- some people need the reassurances that it wasn't anything in particular that ended the relationship- and a need to be heard.
But meeting, I think would not be wise- people can be very emotional and with email you can have distance. Be careful.
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posted: 08/19/12 at 7:22 AM
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Why relationship must be so cold-hearted?
Why can't be all be adults? Why can't you say this?
"Hey, I hear what you are saying. I already made the decision to move on. I totally understand your feeling. We have all been there. A decision is a decision though. So let's both move on with our life, and maybe we can still remain friends if you so choose. I think from what we have been through, let's respect each other's decision. I really cherish the time we spent together and I hope you are moving on just like what I am."
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Divorce makes marriage meaningless.
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posted: 08/19/12 at 6:08 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by TheStupid
Why relationship must be so cold-hearted?
Why can't be all be adults? Why can't you say this?
"Hey, I hear what you are saying. I already made the decision to move on. I totally understand your feeling. We have all been there. A decision is a decision though. So let's both move on with our life, and maybe we can still remain friends if you so choose. I think from what we have been through, let's respect each other's decision. I really cherish the time we spent together and I hope you are moving on just like what I am."
Because then he'd take that as "I still have a chance with her..."
It's too late, he screwed up, no use crying over spilled milk.
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posted: 08/19/12 at 6:13 PM
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| Personally I would go with what The Stupid wrote, only I'd add at the end "It's best if we don't contact each other again. We need time to get over this. I won't reply further."
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Poor is the man whose pleasures depend on the permission of another
~My opinions change with new information.~
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posted: 08/19/12 at 6:55 PM
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While I believe time is needed without contact at some point-sometimes people need contact and without it cannnot move on-It should be taken and meted out on relationship to relationship basis . The worst thing someone didn't do for me, was to end a relationship and break contact-I never knew to this day what happened. The greatest gift, though I could no longer prolong the contact for a time, was an ending that allowed for both of us to talk and ask and wonder and reassure and know if it were this way this would have happened- the distance- what if he moved- what if I moved- how could we- and so it always ends and some endings leave us intact, while others leave our souls strewn and shredded across many miles.
I believe if the pwrson is stable to allow them to talk and be heard- To end with their dignity intact.
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