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Masturbation  posted: 08/17/12 at 11:08 PM
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Hi everybody,
So, in past threads I've written about how I have difficulty coming through sex. Background: I have a past filled with sexual abuse and violence including rape - I have an intense fear of being touched and I tend to get freaked out by any kind of touch whether familial, platonic or sexual. This is an ongoing issue that I've been working on for years.
I'm 24. I've been masturbating since I was around 13. I've always had problems making myself orgasm; not sure I've ever managed it. I've always put it down to lack of experience and requiring further exlporation. But of late, I have been experiementing with different techniques; I've tried swapping hands, using different fingers, different motions, stimulating my clit at different stages etc. I've experimented in different environments and while I've been in different moods. The only thing I haven't tried is using toys.
Should I see a doctor? It sometimes worries me that I still can't do it. Don't get me wrong, it feels good and I have a high, healthy sex drive. It's just that whenever I do it, I get close and eventually the feeling of being on the brink of coming just goes away suddenly without release or I feel the overpowering urge to stop. Can never seem to get myself over the brink - and I've tried taking all the pressure off. Contrary to the way I've written might imply, I've taken the focus off orgasm and just tried to explore my body. But...should I be worried that after all these years I still don't?
Thanks in advance for any advice.
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posted: 08/17/12 at 11:54 PM
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| When masturbating, I don't think I have. I cannot remember an occasion where I've known it's been an orgasm; I get right up to the brink and then either nothing or I have to stop because I can't bear to keep going. During sex; I have come close many times but have never known for certain I've crossed the brink. I've had awesome experiences during sex where I have thought I've managed it but haven't been sure because I haven't felt the definitive sensation.
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posted: 08/18/12 at 3:26 PM
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OP, you said you had some history of bad sexual experiences so i suspect this may be the cause and the root of the problem that hinder your ability to achieve an orgasm.
Our mind play a huge role during sexual pleasure so when you have fear, discomfort, past tramas, guilt, worries, stress,etc.. it may sometime stop you from achieving an orgasm, but once this problems are solved with professional help, masturbating is pleasuring with or without a partner and having intense orgasms or multiple-orgasm is almost like a piece of cake, no kidding! ( from my own experience thou)
You can try to touch yourself and keep exploring your body and understand what makes you feel good.Dont push yourself too hard to reach an orgasm, it need some practise too..If you are comfortable with toys, a smaller vibrator is a good start, you can use it to stimulate your clit and it can help achieve an intense, mind-blowing, electrifying sensation and you will know it when you have climaxed when you reached the highest feeling of sexual pleasure.
I cant speak for every women however..but i think if you are concern about reaching an orgasm but still unable to do so, it would be wise to talk to a doctor on this matter.
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"Always BE YOURSELF! No matter what People Think..An Original Is Always Worth MORE Than A COPY! Speak Your Mind and Be Honest! That Is A Good Recipe Of Self-Respect, Self-Love And Self-Worth."
"Double-Standards Are Lies, Hypocrites And Contradictions. Live By What You Preach!!!" 
"Don't Waste Your Time On Revenge, Those Who Hurt You Will Eventually Face Their Own Karma Because What Goes Around, Comes Around And Karma Has NO Dateline..Life Is Too SHORT To Waste Time On Stupid People, Bullies, Haters and Whiners..Don't Let Anyone Bring You Down When You Know You Are Better and Wiser.Be Someone With RESPECT, Good Attitude and Class."  ~WildSnake~
"There May Be Many Flowers In A Man's Life, But There is Only ONE Rose In His Heart." 
"I love seeing old married couples, it makes me realize that someone can actually LOVE ONE person Faithfully In A Lifetime!..It's BLISSFUL that my hubby is All MINE and the ONLY woman he Loves!" 
"Haters Gonna' Hate! I Laugh Cuz You FAKE! Go And HATE All You Want, Know I'm Something That You Ain't !!!"
"Be A Light, Not A Judge. Be A Model, Not A Critic! I Do Not Judge People By The Scriptures Of Their Faith And The Scars From Their Past, I Embrace Them By The Contents Of Their HEARTS. 
***  Read My Blogs On Profile ***
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posted: 08/18/12 at 5:02 PM
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Hello to you both
Thanks for your replies, they've both been very useful.
Wildsnake, just to reply to yours: yes, you're probably right that my previous traumatic experiences are at the root of it. I thought it could also be possibly be lack of adequate stimulation - as I've read about that being a common cause on the NHS direct site - so recently I have been experimenting with different techniques to see if that helps in any way. I've had sessions where I've tried using different hands, used different or more fingers, applied different types of pressure to my clit etc. In the last two attempts, I've been wetter than I have been in the last six years and the sensations I've felt have been stronger but after over thirty minutes per session, I've still not got over the brink. When experimenting recently I have not made the purpose of the exercise to orgasm but just to explore how different things feel in general.
So, out of curiosity, what does it feel like? Because I get right up close to it where my muscles start contracting and I try to keep doing what I'm doing but then the feeling just dies/stops with no release. Either that or I just feel an intense need to stop - like it's all been blocked or something.
Blond: I will do that The only reason why I haven't yet is because I have less than £20 to my name and can't afford anything. I know that you reccommend Lelo products - remember from another thread. Any further guidance for someone who hasn't bought one before? Much appreciated.
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posted: 08/18/12 at 6:27 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by PoisonIvy13
Hello to you both
Thanks for your replies, they've both been very useful.
Wildsnake, just to reply to yours: yes, you're probably right that my previous traumatic experiences are at the root of it. I thought it could also be possibly be lack of adequate stimulation - as I've read about that being a common cause on the NHS direct site - so recently I have been experimenting with different techniques to see if that helps in any way. I've had sessions where I've tried using different hands, used different or more fingers, applied different types of pressure to my clit etc. In the last two attempts, I've been wetter than I have been in the last six years and the sensations I've felt have been stronger but after over thirty minutes per session, I've still not got over the brink. When experimenting recently I have not made the purpose of the exercise to orgasm but just to explore how different things feel in general.
So, out of curiosity, what does it feel like? Because I get right up close to it where my muscles start contracting and I try to keep doing what I'm doing but then the feeling just dies/stops with no release. Either that or I just feel an intense need to stop - like it's all been blocked or something.
I understand when you said you felt something like 'mental blocked' because I experiencd that too in my early teens when I first started masturbating and sexually active since.In my case, being a teenager and new to sex, I always felt guilty and wrong to have sex at such a young age, morever..I am always worried about teen pregnancy, infections,etc..so whenever I had sex and masturbating alone or with my bf, I would hold back the feeling and I do not allow myself to go all the way and would stop once I reached the point of feeling high.
But after I understood what my fear and problems were, I have different views, mentality about sex and I no longer feel ashamed of my sexuality since then.. I can climax really fast during masturbating (with or without toys) and during intercourse too. i learn to explore my body and I'm open to try anything and sex becomes fun and enjoyable for me.
I describle my orgasms like a strong contraction that makes you curl up your feet and toes, your heart is pumping hard, your body/face feeling hot and trembling, your brain just blacked out and you feel a kind of numbness at your pelvic and this electrifying sensation makes you shagged and sometime passed out on the spot.It usually last for seconds but sometime alittle longer, the feeling is really awesome, mind-blowing and very satisfying.
I think you are close to cumming but not there yet so you need to understand what is holding you back,it could be mentally or physically.Find that missing 'puzzle' and when you do, you will be wanting more bcos orgasms can be quite addictive for some people.
EDIT - missing texts.
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"Always BE YOURSELF! No matter what People Think..An Original Is Always Worth MORE Than A COPY! Speak Your Mind and Be Honest! That Is A Good Recipe Of Self-Respect, Self-Love And Self-Worth."
"Double-Standards Are Lies, Hypocrites And Contradictions. Live By What You Preach!!!"
"Don't Waste Your Time On Revenge, Those Who Hurt You Will Eventually Face Their Own Karma Because What Goes Around, Comes Around And Karma Has NO Dateline..Life Is Too SHORT To Waste Time On Stupid People, Bullies, Haters and Whiners..Don't Let Anyone Bring You Down When You Know You Are Better and Wiser.Be Someone With RESPECT, Good Attitude and Class." ~WildSnake~
"There May Be Many Flowers In A Man's Life, But There is Only ONE Rose In His Heart."
"I love seeing old married couples, it makes me realize that someone can actually LOVE ONE person Faithfully In A Lifetime!..It's BLISSFUL that my hubby is All MINE and the ONLY woman he Loves!"
"Haters Gonna' Hate! I Laugh Cuz You FAKE! Go And HATE All You Want, Know I'm Something That You Ain't !!!"
"Be A Light, Not A Judge. Be A Model, Not A Critic! I Do Not Judge People By The Scriptures Of Their Faith And The Scars From Their Past, I Embrace Them By The Contents Of Their HEARTS.
*** Read My Blogs On Profile ***
Last edited by wildsnake88 on 08/18/12 at 6:56 PM
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posted: 08/18/12 at 7:17 PM
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I see. That makes sense. So was unblocking your mind the key for you?
The block I spoke of is, for me, both mental and physical. When I'm on the brink, it gets to a point where the physical sensation is no longer pleasurable and the climbing, building feeling stops. Sometimes the physical feelings just disappear and it's like I'm back at the beginning before arousal but I haven't had release. It's hard to describe.
The mental aspect is harder to understand; I don't know why I feel ashamed of sex. I'm 24, nearly 25 years old. I've been sexually active for eight years. I don't feel ashamed about masturbating at all, not in the slightest. One thing I've never told anyone ever, though, is I don't like reliving memories of sex with my bf. It makes me feel ashamed and I have no idea why because my only good experiences have been with him. I know that I have intimacy issues and I believe my fear of being touched has an influence in this, but I consciously do not understand why I feel this way because, although it might sound like a contradiction, when I'm with my bf I'm open to trying almost anything sexually (if I don't freak out which happens) and I love initiating physical contact. When I see him I'm always touching him in a non-sexual way. I always want to have sex with him - I have a very high sex drive - but I am scared of it because of my issues with touch. I'm a mass of contradictions; I am, despite my issues, a very sexual person and I think about and want sex literally all the time. When we do have sex, it's amazing and I love it. It's difficult for me not to freak out at the start but I have got better at overcoming it with him. I can understand why I still have trouble coming during sex but what I don't understand is why I have trouble with it while masturbating.
You pass out? Wow. When I'm close, my muscles contract, I feel hot and my abdonminal area and legs tremble. But then it dies before I can get to release. There was one occasion during sex when I was on top when suddenly my body just sort of sagged and I felt unable to move for a minute while still on top of him. But I wasn't sure if that was an orgasm because I didn't feel release/explosion/other words people use. I just felt very sensitive and it was amazing but I didn't feel like I'd crossed some sort of line.
Sorry I know this might be too much information. The theory has been put to me before by friends that maybe my traumatic experiences have desensised me? I.e. maybe biologically it works how it's supposed to and I'm capable but how I feel is not the same? Does that make sense? Could that be true?
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posted: 08/18/12 at 8:06 PM
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Everyone have different views about sex, my strict momma has always been telling me that you can't have sex till you are married and good girls don't masturbate and blah blah..Yikes! I threw away such thoughts long time ago, so yes, my mind was unblocked bcos I view sex positively later and even dr say masturbation is perfectly healthy.hehe!
Ah yes! the feeling of getting high and orgasm are quite different but trust me, you won't miss it when you do achieve that big 'O'..you know what..I thought I had a heart-attack and I almost collapse when I first experienced a good orgasm,lol..I was like, "omggggg! What was that? I couldn't breathe and speak for thats seconds..lol
I can't give you much advise on how to overcome the 'mental block' bcos our situations are different but I know bad memories are hard to erase and can haunt you for a very long time, I do believe those bad experiences you had caused a deep impact on your sexuality, that is where you need to talk to the the experts and they will be able to help you further.
If you don't wish to share too much information here,(me neither.lol) you can always pm me.
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"Always BE YOURSELF! No matter what People Think..An Original Is Always Worth MORE Than A COPY! Speak Your Mind and Be Honest! That Is A Good Recipe Of Self-Respect, Self-Love And Self-Worth."
"Double-Standards Are Lies, Hypocrites And Contradictions. Live By What You Preach!!!"
"Don't Waste Your Time On Revenge, Those Who Hurt You Will Eventually Face Their Own Karma Because What Goes Around, Comes Around And Karma Has NO Dateline..Life Is Too SHORT To Waste Time On Stupid People, Bullies, Haters and Whiners..Don't Let Anyone Bring You Down When You Know You Are Better and Wiser.Be Someone With RESPECT, Good Attitude and Class." ~WildSnake~
"There May Be Many Flowers In A Man's Life, But There is Only ONE Rose In His Heart."
"I love seeing old married couples, it makes me realize that someone can actually LOVE ONE person Faithfully In A Lifetime!..It's BLISSFUL that my hubby is All MINE and the ONLY woman he Loves!"
"Haters Gonna' Hate! I Laugh Cuz You FAKE! Go And HATE All You Want, Know I'm Something That You Ain't !!!"
"Be A Light, Not A Judge. Be A Model, Not A Critic! I Do Not Judge People By The Scriptures Of Their Faith And The Scars From Their Past, I Embrace Them By The Contents Of Their HEARTS.
*** Read My Blogs On Profile ***
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