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posted: 08/14/12 at 5:19 PM
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Gail,but isn't your threads about Will too, so its not just about you, if its all about you..I have nothing to comment at all bcos there's nothing wrong about you.so I am commenting on the contents in your thread like on anyone's thread, my opinions are from the threads you posted so far.
From MOST of your post, this is what I feel anyway.I say 'perhaps' as to what I feel btw. and that is the reason why I don't repeat my post to you since you won't like my comment.anyway,lol..i am just confused with your words and reaction as I already said above.
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"Always BE YOURSELF No Matter What People Think! Life Isn't About Pleasing Everyone..DON'T Be A CopyCat! An Original Is Always Worth MORE Than A COPY! Speak What You TRULY FEEL And BE HONEST! That Is A GOOD Recipe Of Self-Respect, Self-Love And Self-Worth."
"Double-Standards Are LIES, Hypocrites And Contradictions. Live By What You Preach!!! The SAME Impressions You Get From Others, Is The Reflection Of Your Constant Attitude Towards Others." 
"The Smiles From My Children Reminds Me How Wonderful And Rewarding Motherhood Is..You Can NEVER Fully Understand The Beauty, The Power Of Motherhood And The JOY Of A Mother Unless You Are ONE!"
"A Relationship Without FAITH And FUTURE, Is Like A Body Living Without A Soul..And WHY Be A SUBSTITUTE Lover When We CAN Be The ONLY Love! A Smart Person Knows How To Love, A SMARTER Person Knows WHO To Love!" 
"If You TRULY LOVE Someone, You DON'T Cheat! If You Want To Cheat, Set Them Free! Integrity Combined With Faithfulness Is A Powerful Force Worthy Of Great Respect."
"Haters Gonna' Hate! I LAUGH Cuz You FAKE! Go And HATE All You Want, Know I'm Something That You Ain't !!!" ~Hon Raps~
"Be A Light, Not A Judge.Be A Model, Not A Critic! I Do Not Judge People By The Scriptures Of Their Faith And The Scars From Their Past, I Embrace Them By The Contents Of Their HEARTS And KINDNESS."
***  Read My (NEW) Blog On Profile ***
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posted: 08/14/12 at 5:54 PM
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Gail, everyone has a different perspective on what they consider "normal" in a relationship so I would not even begin to define normal for you.
However, from my experience, if I am in a relationship with a man, staying over, whether at his place or my place was never an issue of conflict or negotiation, so I do not really know what it's like to have to ask a man to stay over till morning. It's usually more of a challenge telling them that they CAN'T spend the night! lol
Also, as far as asking an SO to do something they don't really want to do or would be fine NOT doing, sure I've probably asked ex's to consider something they would not normally do on their own and it's like anything--when you are a couple, you do some things for your partner, like attending a family function that you "endure". But if it's something that I know my partner really HATES to do--I'm not going to force them to do it. Same with me--my ex liked to fish and I was more than happy to send him off with his buddies...although I did go once.
In general, whatever the activity, it's more pleasurably when you feel that your partner is genuinely enjoying the experience and not just doing something out of obligation.
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Live in a way that leaves no regrets.
Strive most to understand what you fear most.
To change our lives, we must first change our minds.
Last edited by Katie S. on 08/14/12 at 6:15 PM
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posted: 08/14/12 at 8:00 PM
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And this is why I rarely post stuff on this board about issues I have. If its something I can't handle or I am confused about, I may post for an outside opinion. But if its something I can work through myself, why would I invite other opinions in?
You understand the more you give as far as whether they are complaints or not, there is already a biased that exists based on what you posted before. The more you discuss, the more people are going to form an opinion that you are bothered or unhappy with this individual. If you have zero issues with Will, then there is no need to post the silly things Will does/doesnt do that cause you to "pause and wonder." At best, it is better to discuss these issues directly with Will.
Or if you wanted this to be only about you...I would not even mention Will at all...you could have simply posed the question. When you insert your story in there, it brings a focus to the subject and unwanted opinions.
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When I am at work, its like I am Iron Man...I feel invincible when I don the armor of success....
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posted: 08/14/12 at 8:51 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by blondgrrl
..but it would be a good idea to also post positive things
When I talk about his shortcomings and people criticize it's one thing. If I’d talk about what makes him special to me people would break it down into something invaluable.
I attempted here and there to talk about things he does for me, like that time I picked my car and he had cleaned it in and out, I thought that was so sweet of him, he spent his afternoon on it in hot summer heat. Well, some people on here found a way to make it something 'meh'.
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posted: 08/14/12 at 9:23 PM
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Personally I don't want something if my partner begrudgingly does it. I used to ask my husband to give me a hand with cleaning, and then he'd make a huge sigh then do it. Drove me crazy, I don't like cleaning either! Finally one day it came to a head and we got into a HUGE fight about it. Earth-shattering, epic fight, and finally when we calmed down I told him the problem and he said he realized how I felt.
And yes I've dragged my hubby to movies he doesn't want to see, only to say later that he liked it. And he's dragged me to movies I don't want to see, and later I say I still didn't like it 
In Will's case he seems freaked out to move forward at all, like you two are supposed to stay at stage 1 forever, and for him to sleep over is a step before moving in together, and he's making it clear he doesn't want to move forward.
9 months of dating but you guys aren't exclusive right? Just making sure I understand since sometimes it seems you guys are together but other times not.
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posted: 08/14/12 at 10:31 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by banarabbyt1
In Will's case he seems freaked out to move forward at all, like you two are supposed to stay at stage 1 forever, and for him to sleep over is a step before moving in together, and he's making it clear he doesn't want to move forward.
Your take on it is interesting. Yes I can see it that way too.
quote:
Originally posted by banarabbyt1
I9 months of dating but you guys aren't exclusive right?
We are exclusive, and it's not something I am assuming, it was made clear between us that we only have each other.
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nusse09 posted: 08/14/12 at 11:18 PM
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When your asking you boyfriend to sleep over for the first time, you at least want him to act a little excited, so I can understand why it felt bitter-sweet. Some things can be asked of a partner, still knowing it is not something he really likes to do (family gatherings etc.) but when it comes to a thing like spending the whole night with you, you really want him to do it because he want to him-self. I would probably have done the same as you, asking him to not bother if he truly doesn't feel for it him-self.
On a bright side- This is Will! So for him to come forward and actually saying he is willing to do it is at least a positive step.
I really hope it happens though and that he realize that something like this is NOT a big deal and should be a natural part of being together in a relationship.
By the way, has he kept his promise about spending a day a week together?
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posted: 08/14/12 at 11:37 PM
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Gail, I think we're all getting the feeling while you might be fine with the dynamics of your relationship, theres a part of you that itches for something more. This is not a slant on Will, from all tidbits you wrote about him over the past months, to me he seems like a genuine guy. And while its clear you enjoy your time with him and have strong feelings for him, it seems you're sacrificing certain important aspects of your being to make things work. This is not to say it means either you break up with Will or you don't, just because we're with someone doesn't mean we have to be perfectly compatible. But I'm just worried you're rationalizing yourself into thinking you should be fine with the way things are and it is you who has to change, I hope I'm wrong. For your sake, I hope that you're being completely honest with yourself and accepting this relationship for what it is.
And Riri, trust me, I'm really not that smart, I just have an unquenchable thirst for knowledge.
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"A life with love will have many thorns, but a life without love will have no roses." - Friedrich Nietzsche
"I am persuaded that every time a man smiles - but much more so when he laughs - it adds something to this fragment of life."
- Laurence Sterne
"Wherever your life ends, it is all there. The advantage of living is not measured by length, but by use; some men have lived long, and lived little; attend to it while you are in it. It lies in your will, not in the number of years, for you to have lived enough."
- Michel de Montaigne
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posted: 08/14/12 at 11:55 PM
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Gail, I've watched your posts about Will and although I could never do this type of relationship that doesn't seem to move past hanging out, I guess you have decided you can. Although I think Cloud is right you seem to "accept" him for what he is and sacrifice a little itching for more.
I will tell you I do not push my SO into doing anything I know he does not like to do, however if couples do that like you said it is seeing a "chick flick movie," "rubbing a back when they don't want to or tired," or even cleaning. These things we'd LOVE if all men did for us or with us but cleaning I'd make a man help me especially if we were married or living together. What you are asking Will to do should be a no brainer. I will say I have NEVER had to tell a man I want him to stay, I may have to explain why I can't have him stay yet. I don't understand how you are okay being 9 months in this relationship that you two say you are "exclusive" that held many easy facts about himself, does not have you over to his place, doesn't seem to go out of his way to show you that you are special, and doesn't want to stay the night at your place really because he likes his bed too much. You aren't asking him for a full week or even a weekend to stay over just one night overnight, seems like he feels that if he starts staying even just one night once in awhile you will be having him move in tomorrow. I know you are trying to see if other women forced and issue with their SO and then felt guilty later because the issue had to be forced but you should NOT feel guilty you asked him to stay with you, it makes no sense if you want that he should want it too. To me your relationship screams, we are friends who hang out and have sex and spend some time together but nothing more. I know you said he cleaned your car once and that's great but how many sweet things do you do for this man, you loaned him money, you have worked so hard to make him see you are great g/f material and he's done nothing besides the car thing to show he is good for you. I don't know I'm rambling I just see this as another thing that proves you will stay at square 1 for a long time because I think he knew you'd back out of the idea of him staying. You just don't want to make him uncomfortable it seems.
I get you are older and don't NEED the things that younger couples want and need(constant attention, looking for marriage) I am somewhat like you other than wanting to be married. I just don't think this is what you want by what you post.
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posted: 08/15/12 at 12:22 AM
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Gail, why do you bother what people said and think about Will? We don't date him, you do! Afterall, what matter is how YOU feel about him as I told you before..if you have some sweet things about Will, you can share it here anytime bcos we like to know you are happy with Will but when you keep posting mostly 'negative' stuff about your relationship every few days, how do you expect us to think you are really happy and how would our impression to be positive? obviously, I wasn't the only one who feel that way.
Like many posters here have stated, I find it really weird that he cannot sleep over since its been 9months together, you are Not asking much really..and you said its only 10mins drive to see you..that sound really convenience for you both, he is a grown man not some teenager who have a strict house rules/restriction like what I did 'sneakily' in my teens to sleep over at my bfs place..lol,my mum would kill me if she knew that, lol..so I just find his reasons unconvincing imho..what if everytime he comes up with an answer/reason when you want him to sleep over and he does that just to please you? You said its a bitter feeling so will that be happy for you both?
For me,I wouldn't want to 'force' my guy to do something he didn't want to, I feel all these stuff(phone calls,text,sleepovers) should come naturally as the relationship progress.
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"Always BE YOURSELF No Matter What People Think! Life Isn't About Pleasing Everyone..DON'T Be A CopyCat! An Original Is Always Worth MORE Than A COPY! Speak What You TRULY FEEL And BE HONEST! That Is A GOOD Recipe Of Self-Respect, Self-Love And Self-Worth."
"Double-Standards Are LIES, Hypocrites And Contradictions. Live By What You Preach!!! The SAME Impressions You Get From Others, Is The Reflection Of Your Constant Attitude Towards Others."
"The Smiles From My Children Reminds Me How Wonderful And Rewarding Motherhood Is..You Can NEVER Fully Understand The Beauty, The Power Of Motherhood And The JOY Of A Mother Unless You Are ONE!"
"A Relationship Without FAITH And FUTURE, Is Like A Body Living Without A Soul..And WHY Be A SUBSTITUTE Lover When We CAN Be The ONLY Love! A Smart Person Knows How To Love, A SMARTER Person Knows WHO To Love!"
"If You TRULY LOVE Someone, You DON'T Cheat! If You Want To Cheat, Set Them Free! Integrity Combined With Faithfulness Is A Powerful Force Worthy Of Great Respect."
"Haters Gonna' Hate! I LAUGH Cuz You FAKE! Go And HATE All You Want, Know I'm Something That You Ain't !!!"~Hon Raps~
"Be A Light, Not A Judge.Be A Model, Not A Critic! I Do Not Judge People By The Scriptures Of Their Faith And The Scars From Their Past, I Embrace Them By The Contents Of Their HEARTS And KINDNESS."
*** Read My (NEW) Blog On Profile ***
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