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Lovingyou.com > Pillow Talk > Sexually Speaking > How to get over him watching porn....
How to get over him watching porn.... posted: 08/08/12 at 3:10 AM

SuzyBoo1988  [more]
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So, I've always had an issue with my men watching porn, ALWAYS.. I want to get over this because well, I watch it too. I feel like such a hypocrite but, when I see that he has watched it, it makes me sick. Literally, like I want to throw up kind-of-sick...

He doesn't watch it every day, He barley EVER watches it, it's only been 2 times since I've seen it on our browser history. He doesn't know how to work a computer too well so, he doesn't know how to delete the history himself. We live together and, I'm always home so, he watched it once time when I went away for the weekend and this time, I was gone for 2 weeks visiting family and when I came back, there is a lot of porn in the browsing history. I deleted it all so, I wouldn't have to see or think about it and at the time i was doing that i was thinking " I was gone for two weeks so, this is normal, what does the guy have to do? just jack off? most men are visual and need other stimulation." So i just deleted it and then, once it's gone my brain and body kicks into " i feel sick mode."

I want to get over this really bad, I know that porn shouldn't be an issue until its an actual issue. In my case its never been watched unless he was alone and i was gone and i figured it was normal, he is a guy after all but, the last, and first time i found porn, i was pissed and, he denied it, even though it was in our browsing history, he flat out denied it and said maybe a website opened while he was watching a movie but he doesn't watch porn and it "makes him sick." Obviously that is NOT true... I didn't confront him this time and I wont because like i said, I was gone for two weeks but, I really need help on how to get over my anxiety about men watching porn especially because I do it too.

Also i think a big part of the issue for me is that I want to have sex all the time and most of the time, he is too tired. Well, I shouldn't say most of the time but, our sex life is not as active as I would like it to be. If he was watching porn but not having sex with me I would see that as an issue but, he doesn't do that. And still i feel grossed out because i'm now thinking "what if he watched porn and jacked off everyday while i was gone but when i'm here he wont have sex with me everyday." My mind drifts into negatives all the time and i'm wrong, I know im wrong but, how do i get over it?

I know myself and i know that next time he doesn't want to have sex i'll probably say something stupid like "oh you can watch porn while im away but when im here right in front of you and you wont have sex with me." which will lead to a huge fight and so on and I don't want that to happen and I cant control it

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Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are.

Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.

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posted: 08/08/12 at 11:49 AM

blondgrrl  [more]
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Teach him how to delete the browser history, or else set it to delete it automatically. If you don't see it, you can just put it out of your mind. Tell him you'll do him the courtesy to pretend you don't know, if he does you the courtesy of not letting you see it.

The sex issue should be treated totally separately. It's not porn that makes him tired, there's something else going on. Work can definitely be a problem, has he gained weight or stopped exercising? Loss of energy means loss of libido. Mood swings, low testosterone... you need to explore these things with him in a loving and non-accusatory way.

Agree on a date night once a week, and plan sex to go with it. Also, if you don't already have one, get a vibrator and use it. He can be involved without being so physically active, i.e. he can use it on you, he can watch while you use it, he can touch and kiss you while you use it. There are lots of options! Thnk outside the box- get creative!

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“Seek out argument and disputation for their own sake; the grave will supply plenty of time for silence.”
-Christopher Hitchens

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posted: 08/09/12 at 11:41 PM

SuzyBoo1988  [more]
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Yeah, I think I will teach him next time before a trip since I will be taking many of then do to my mom being sick but for now, its not bothering me anymore because I was gone and its not like he's replacing our sex life with porn. He's actually being more attentive. Last night, we had a couple beers and, we ended up having sex for 2 hours, that's one of the longest sessions we've had because he really wanted to try anal so warming up to that takes a while. It was too painful :-( . I couldn't do it. I let him do it for a minute or so but it was too much. What kind of lubricant do I need to buy for this? Is there a specific one? Also, I'm afraid that if we do have anal he will want it all the time.... I don't want this to be an everyday thing, is there any advice you can give me on that? Also, can you suggest me a couple good vibrators? Or any toys that we can use for my pleasure? I can't orgasm during sex so we want to add toys into the equasion. at this point I need a really quit one because during the week for a few more weeks his step dad stays with us... Also, is anal sex dangerous? I'm really nervous! Right now from last night my bum hurts, my fiancé is well, not small at all and quite big as to where it hurts sometimes vaginally during doggy so anal was real painful!

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Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are.

Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.

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posted: 08/10/12 at 9:09 AM

fair_is_fair  [more]
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Porn is your best friend...it keeps him from doing stupid shit. Its just an easier way to jerk off. Sure he could probably visualize...but that is no fun.

Also I am curious why you think its OK for you and not for him. You both are absent...you both watch porn in each others absence. Is this really a big battle subject? If you have an issue with sex with him, then set up a something you both can compromise on.

Also...from what I understand, arent you supposed to work up to anal? I personally dislike it, but I also never really attempted to work up to it. No lubricant can make this *less painful* I think you need to work up with smaller objects like fingers, plugs, etc.

Im no expert...but I think its more of a slower process. Just sticking it in is not the way to go and as you already notice, its stupid painful.

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When I am at work, its like I am Iron Man...I feel invincible when I don the armor of success....

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posted: 08/10/12 at 10:53 AM

Pusser  [more]
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The problem is that you're probably thinking he's looking at those women in porn and wishing he were with one (or more) of them and not with you....and there is nothing farther from the truth. Guys don't look at porn to measure looks or measurements----they like watching naked bodies and sexual activity, no matter what the women look like. It has nothing to do with you, but rather, with a healthy libido and a desire to be sexual. Stop obsessing over it.

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"My mother used to tell me, 'In this world, you must be oh so smart or oh so pleasant.' Well, for years I was smart. I recommend pleasant." Ellwood P. Dowd in HARVEY

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posted: 08/11/12 at 1:41 AM

SuzyBoo1988  [more]
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I also agree that porn helps, especially when a SO is away somewhere. You still get a visual and, your not physically going out and cheating on your partner.

Also I am curious why you think its OK for you and not for him. You both are absent...you both watch porn in each others absence. Is this really a big battle subject? If you have an issue with sex with him, then set up a something you both can compromise on.

I don't think it is ok. Like i said in my post, I don't know why it bothers me since I do it as well and I feel like a complete hypocrite. I think a lot has to do with the fact that my first and only other serious relationship started when i was 15 and lasted almost 7 years so, we were young and stupid and jealous so, porn was a huge issue with my ex. It was me always complaining about how i'm not enough for him which I know is NOT the case when it comes to porn. Like PUSSER said, people don't look at porn and think "oh i wanna f*** her" they don't even really "think" when looking at porn, they just look at there mind is set to have an orgasm. I look ONLY at lesbian porn, the sight of seeing a guy screwing a female turns me off but, id never personally hook up with a girl.... Its just "prettier" to watch for me.

Also...from what I understand, arent you supposed to work up to anal? I personally dislike it, but I also never really attempted to work up to it.
He never was an anal type of guy. He told me he never did it before but, I gotta admit I have a pretty nice ass and it turns him on and he wants to try it now. Hes very caring and says if it hurts, we wont do it. I'm very giving so, I try not to notice the pain so he enjoys himself until its too painful. My fiance works with his hands every day so, no matter how much he washes them, he still has things under his nails so, I don't let his fingers go anywhere internal. I'm prone to infections so, I stay as clean as possible... Kinda clean freak in a sense when it comes to my body.

We tried to just do it, with my own vaginal lubricant but, that doesn't work. I purchased a lubricant, so we will see how that goes. If it doesn't work with lubrication and its still painful, then anal sex is out of the picture, i'm definitely not into sticking any kind of butt plugs or anal anything into my bum, anal sex, once in a blue moon I can handle for him if this lube thing works!

My fiances and my sexual activity level has decreased since he started working a lot to provide for him and myself. He works a hard job and everyday he is busy. When he comes home, he just knocks out. I, like i said, have only been in one serious relationship before him and the man I was with worked 12 hours shifts in a hospital. Hed leave at 6pm and come home at 7am or leave at 6am and come home at 7pm... Every single night, he wanted to have sex with me. I think i compare the two of them and they are complete opposites. To my ex, sex was everything, to my fiance, love is everything. Plus my fiance has very weak nerves so, he gets tired easily. His body goes into exhaustion mode and me dancing around naked in front of him wouldn't make him have the energy to have sex with me. I understand that now. We still have sex 4-7 times a week i'm just more active and want more but, like my fiance always tells me, I live in a fantasy world and i need to grow up and snap into reality because life is not a dream... He said he will try and make most of my dreams come true as much as he can but, this is the real world. I think i understand now, and hes right. i have always lived in fantasy land. Real life situations affect everyday, nothing is picture perfect like i think i want it to be or like i think it should be.

I purchased toys yesterday, that he wanted me to get so we can enhance our sex life so even if its not as frequent as id like it to be it can be intense every time. well see how that goes! Thanks for the input guys!

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Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are.

Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.

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