 |
|
|
|
|
 |
| |
|
|
|
Hate to ask but need some help posted: 08/01/12 at 2:25 AM
|
|
|
| I have recently been contacted by my ex from 18 yrs ago. He was my first love and the father of my oldest child whom is deceased. We found out through our conversations that back then we were both decieved by my cousin who was his friend. Anyways he is now serving in the Army. He will be deployed for several more months and is talking about us meeting up when he comes back to the states. We have both been married. He is in the middle of a divorce and I am seperated. I still have extremely deep feelings for him but I am afraid. I am no where near as small as I used to be and at the hands of my ex I no longer look like I did. He has seen pics of me, we have talked on cam. He says i am still beautiful. The thing he doesn't know is that my ex knocked a few of my teeth out and I am afraid to see him again. What should I do? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
click to: respond to this topic
|
|
| Options: Reply To Topic | Start New Topic | Edit Message | Quote Message | Report Abuse
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
posted: 08/01/12 at 6:32 AM
|
|
|
I'm not really sure which part of your story you want advice on, but I'll give it my best shot.
As far as your looks - nobody looks the same as they did 18 years ago! Heck, I was just a little kid back then!  Of course things have changed; you should both expect that. You've both changed on the outside and the inside, so be cautious with your expectations as things may not be as you remember them. But if you've exchanged pictures and talked on cam and he says you're beautiful - believe him. He's seen you, it's not like he hasn't! There's really nothing for it but to believe him when he compliments you, and start taking them to heart to get your confidence back where it should be. If he was going to run because of how you've changed physically, he would have already. If you still worry, make sure he's gotten a really good look at you on cam, or send him pictures that show your missing teeth if you haven't already, so he knows about that in advance and won't be surprised in person. But if he's already seen the ways in which you've changed.. like I said - believe him!
And as far as rekindling the relationship.. like I said, just with the physical aspect, you two are probably very different people than you were 18 years ago. Take it slow and don't expect too much at this point (easier said than done, right? haha). I don't know why it ended before (something to do with your cousin I presume?), but keep that in mind as well just in case the same sort of thing is in danger of happening again. If it was lack of communication between you two over things that were said, be aware of that and be careful to not let it happen again!
Is he for sure going through a divorce? Why? Did she leave him, or is he leaving her? Are there reasons for you to be worried? Is he already over the relationship, or is he using you as a crutch to help him move on? Make sure he's talking with you and pursuing this relationship for the right reasons, and that he's cut ties to his ex-wife before you guys get anything serious going on. That's a whoooole big mess you don't want to deal with! 
Apart from that - go for it! See him! Why not? Clearly you both have feelings for one another and I think it'd be worth it to pursue them.
Good luck & keep us posted!!
click to: respond to this topic
|
|
| Options: Reply To Topic | Start New Topic | Edit Message | Quote Message | Report Abuse
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
posted: 08/02/12 at 6:01 AM
|
|
|
You can loose the weight simply by changing your eating habits.
It's hard I know. But you have the incentive now. We can give you all kinds of ideas.
You have "several months"
----------
“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.” - Marilyn Monroe
click to: respond to this topic
|
|
| Options: Reply To Topic | Start New Topic | Edit Message | Quote Message | Report Abuse
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
posted: 08/03/12 at 2:13 AM
|
|
|
| As to the reason why we split years ago. We both agree we were young and dumb (I was 14 & he was 21) and didn't know what we had. The cousin played a large though after we split I found out I was pregnant by him but I didn't have the guts to tell him so my cousin said he would. He didn't and told me that he did and that john didn't care. When I told him he was irrate but said he would have been there had he known. As to the ex who knocked my teeth out no it was not John it was my soon to be ex husband. And Carla I would greatly appreciate any ideas.
click to: respond to this topic
|
|
| Options: Reply To Topic | Start New Topic | Edit Message | Quote Message | Report Abuse
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
posted: 08/03/12 at 8:10 AM
|
|
|
And Carla I would greatly appreciate any ideas.
I know one of my male friend actually is using caloriecount.about.com website and he was 213 pounds when he started two months ago and now he's 190 pounds. He basically puts down his goal to how much he wants to lose in a month or two and the website will basically tell you how much calorie you will need to consume based on your weight and height right now to reach your goal. Everyday you put in what you eat for breakfast,lunch,dinner, even snack. You also have to put down how much calorie you consume for your breakfast.usually when he doesn't know, then he'd just check how much calorie give or take for the meal. He weigh himself every day first thing in the morning when he wakes up so you can see your weight changes and fluctuates.
He still eats the same stuffs except he eats 'less portion' and It's actually harder for him to lose his weight mainly because he already eats pretty healthy. He never drinks soda, doesn't have fast food ,the only thing that is different is now he eats a lot more fruits or smoothies or yoghurts that he makes himself and actually check how much calories to things he eats. He used to eat a lot of cookies or brownies that is store bought but now he watches the calories before he eats one because some sweet is like almost a thousand calorie in one sitting so that's too much for a snack.
Hope it helps.
----------
To the question of u'r life, u r the only answer. To the problems of u'r life, u r the only solution.
Nobody is perfect and I am nobody. That's why, i am perfect.
click to: respond to this topic
|
|
| Options: Reply To Topic | Start New Topic | Edit Message | Quote Message | Report Abuse
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
posted: 08/08/12 at 4:56 AM
|
|
|
Sorry to hear about your child.
I am assuming when you talk about your teeth-you are without funds for cosmetic work and would like to find someone to fix your teeth so you look presentable on meeting.I would go to any dental hospital and talk with the intake person (I used to be a dental hygienist) and would get my teeth fixed for free- I mean it is a wait and isn't as convenient as a lovely high end private dentist but I know all about not having funds for ridiculously expensive yet needed work done-
I hope that helps otherwise, call up the ADA American Dental Association and find a dentst to do the work for free- They do have dentists who will do pro bono work and hopefully you can get yours done.
As for weight-Love is a great motivator- Use that feeling to propel yourself into the wanting to get back how you were.
Someone once said "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels" I think once you have the support and start-that is the first thing to do. The weight will come off
click to: respond to this topic
|
|
| Options: Reply To Topic | Start New Topic | Edit Message | Quote Message | Report Abuse
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
