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posted: 07/23/12 at 3:10 PM
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That might be true in some relationships. But I have no doubt those relationships are miserable for one or both people on some level.
Why would you stay with someone who doesn't love you like you love them? Insecurity, desperation, low self-esteem...
Why would you want to be with someone you knew you didn't love that much? To feed your ego, superiority complex, to be in control, to lord over another person...
It's sad.
I wouldn't be in an unequal relationship. I know my bf loves me just as much as I love him.
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Poor is the man whose pleasures depend on the permission of another
~My opinions change with new information.~
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posted: 07/23/12 at 4:13 PM
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My Mother always felt that it was better if 2 were in a relationship, where both parties were in love and happy, but one loved the other more. Her words were meant to be a good thing.
But yeah, being on both sides, the one who cares/loves the least had more control over the relationship. (That's if either party gave the other person the control or let them have it)
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~Love is a cycle. When you love, you get hurt. When you get hurt, you hate.
When you hate, you try to forget.
When you try to forget, you start missing.
When you start missing, you eventually will fall in love again~
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posted: 07/23/12 at 4:25 PM
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When I say one loves more I don't mean that the other doesn't love enough. They can both be in love, both love deeply, but one will take the meaning of 'deep' a little further.
If I look around me, in most relationships, there is always one of the 2 that will compromise more, bend his rules more, or buy the peace more.
My mother would also say 'find a man that will love you just a little more than you will love him'.
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posted: 07/23/12 at 4:58 PM
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I agree and my mum said that too.lol..and this is my thoughts to share.
I do believe this happen in many relationships from couples around me and there are relationships we know where one person keep giving love but never get much or the same amount of love in return.There are many such relationships in the forum too.
Personally,imo..I think its hard to love Equally as in giving and receiving the same 'amount' of love in a relationship bcos how exactly can you really 'measure' love?
Like in my Marriage, I know I love my hubby very much (or equally) but the truth is..I know he loves me more than I love him for many things that he has done for me in our 11years of marriage..not that I can't give him as much as he did but he is always giving more in our relationship and our relationship is a strong one because we been through a lot together as a couple and we truly love each other.
I would never be in a relationship without love or if the man cannot love me faithfully and I cannot be with someone whom i don't see our future together.
That said, I can deal with the fact that my hubby loves me more than i love him, it doesn't bothers me when he loves me more becos I truly love him too and what matters most to me is that we are true and love each other faithfully.
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"Always BE YOURSELF! No matter what People Think..An Original Is Always Worth MORE Than A COPY! Speak Your Mind and Be Honest! That Is A Good Recipe Of Self-Respect, Self-Love And Self-Worth."
"Double-Standards Are Lies, Hypocrites And Contradictions. Live By What You Preach!!!" 
"Don't Waste Your Time On Revenge, Those Who Hurt You Will Eventually Face Their Own Karma Because What Goes Around, Comes Around And Karma Has NO Dateline..Life Is Too SHORT To Waste Time On Stupid People, Bullies, Haters and Whiners..Don't Let Anyone Bring You Down When You Know You Are Better and Wiser.Be Someone With RESPECT, Good Attitude and Class." ~WildSnake~
"The Smiles From My Children Reminds Me How Wonderful And Rewarding Motherhood Is.." 
"There May Be Many Flowers In A Man's Life, But There is Only ONE Rose In His Heart." 
"I love seeing old married couples, it makes me realize that someone can actually LOVE ONE person Faithfully In A Lifetime!..It's BLISSFUL that my hubby is All MINE and the ONLY woman he Loves!" 
"Haters Gonna' Hate! I Laugh Cuz You FAKE! Go And HATE All You Want, Know I'm Something That You Ain't !!!"
"Be A Light, Not A Judge. Be A Model, Not A Critic! I Do Not Judge People By The Scriptures Of Their Faith And The Scars From Their Past, I Embrace Them By The Contents Of Their HEARTS! 
***  Read My Blogs On Profile ***
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posted: 07/23/12 at 5:18 PM
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The question presupposes A. love is a quantifiable process of varying degrees and B. control is an attribute of a loving relationship. In respect to the former, if the couple is still in a relatively new relationship, then yes, there are various degrees of love. This is because the couple is still developing their loving feelings for one another, its natural one may fall harder than the other. After all, we all develop feelings at different paces. However, this doesn't necessarily mean one has control over the relationship, but more on that later.
The kind of love where this sort of quantification becomes moot are relationships in which the couple have arrived at a point where they Love each other in the deepest sense of the word Love. This can only happen with the strongest of bonds, unbreakable bonds where both come to fully embrace each other's being unconditionally(as one of the quotes from the love quote topic beautifully depicts). I think it is at this juncture where quantifying a couples' feelings for each other becomes utterly meaningless, the depth of their feelings are both in the sacred realm of the unsayable.
As for having control, can any loving relationship of any degree consist of power struggles? If one can say "I love you" and actually mean it, what control is there to exert? Let's say I'm in a relationship where I love my partner more than she loves me. If she's a decent human being who doesn't actively to seek to manipulate me, how or why would she use this unbalance of emotions against me to gain control? And on my end, just because I may have stronger feelings for her, why would I let that blind me if she does decide to use my feelings as leverage? The first part of understanding the underlying nature of loving emotions is imo realizing the necessity of self-love and self-respect. I simply don't think its possible to fully comprehend the depth of love without first understanding these two basic concepts, its blind attachment otherwise and love isn't reducible to mere attachment. So if she is indeed trying to use my feelings in a devilish way, why would I stay with someone who obviously doesn't respect me? Sure it may be quite difficult to end things, but one must understand such a relationship is in no way a representation of love.
ETA: One must also understand not everyone loves the same way, its one of the reasons why people misperceive just how much their partners actually loves them.
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"A life with love will have many thorns, but a life without love will have no roses." - Friedrich Nietzsche
"I am persuaded that every time a man smiles - but much more so when he laughs - it adds something to this fragment of life."
- Laurence Sterne
"Wherever your life ends, it is all there. The advantage of living is not measured by length, but by use; some men have lived long, and lived little; attend to it while you are in it. It lies in your will, not in the number of years, for you to have lived enough."
- Michel de Montaigne
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posted: 07/23/12 at 5:55 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Gail65
If I look around me, in most relationships, there is always one of the 2 that will compromise more, bend his rules more, or buy the peace more.
I think if a couple is already at a state where they love each other in the deepest sense of the word as articulated prior, is there much to compromise on to begin with? For to arrive at that state requires the couple relate to each other pretty much in a purely harmonious light. Sure you may get the occasions where the tough compromises are in order, but if you assume love can be quantifiable, then compromises can also be quantifiable. For example, lets say a couple disagrees on whether to have children or not(clearly unlikely scenario). While they both may have strong opinions, its obvious this particular situation will mean more to one than the other. And for a couple in a loving relationship who are determined to make it work to the bitter end, will certainly realize to whom the decision carries more meaning and will act accordingly.
But ultimately, yes, most relationships will have somewhat of an unbalance of the strength of emotions, and thats perfectly fine. As long as there isn't an exploitation of this gap and as long as both are happy with the dynamics of the relationship as is, what is there to complain about? To refer back to one of the quotes, we don't love to be loved, to love to love. Its important to understand its one thing to realize one may have stronger feelings for a partner, but its totally different to actually feel this gap, for when one actually feels theres an unbalance, thats when the dynamics of a relationship goes awry.
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"A life with love will have many thorns, but a life without love will have no roses." - Friedrich Nietzsche
"I am persuaded that every time a man smiles - but much more so when he laughs - it adds something to this fragment of life."
- Laurence Sterne
"Wherever your life ends, it is all there. The advantage of living is not measured by length, but by use; some men have lived long, and lived little; attend to it while you are in it. It lies in your will, not in the number of years, for you to have lived enough."
- Michel de Montaigne
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posted: 07/23/12 at 6:40 PM
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| "Well yes, there is some truth to that being so.... the one who is the least attached- - the less involved- the least in love, always has the least to lose" so sayeth this swami... hence, the more in control. But really are any of us in control? is it all an illusion?(That will be $50.00 pay on the way out!!)
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posted: 07/31/12 at 9:24 PM
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| How do you truly determine love? While I somewhat agree with the stance that someone always "seems" to love someone more, how can one really gauge another's love for someone. My love for my spouse may be deep and I may feel I love him more, but how do I know truly that in the end if I were to walk away that he might ultimately not love me more? Just because I make more sacrifices in certain areas than he does, does not make me more loving. Being more romantic doesn't make you more loving. The point I am getting at is how do you measure love? The things we do for each other can't be measured. While there is a good part of me that wants to say that I love my husband more because I have been the faithful spouse I know ultimately if I choose to leave him for his indiscretion he will be devastated thus, did I truly love him more to leave him, or did he truly love me less to stray? I believe this can be perceived in the eye of the beholder. If you choose to marry someone for better or worse I ultimately believe you love each other deeply and to the same caliper or you wouldn't undertake in that vow. You can't judge someone else's feelings, so why try!
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posted: 07/31/12 at 9:50 PM
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I think you can measure love based on the efforts put in it to help one self and the partner. When one lacks the effort to make the relationship work, it obviously shows how much love and care. Because people show love in different ways you can see it based on how they show it and how much.
Premenation - the movie is a perfect example of who love who more and what they both do to show it.
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