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How do you handle the distance? posted: 07/09/12 at 6:34 PM
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I know that this forum does not receive very many replies, but this seems to fit my situation...well, sort of.
I met this more than amazing man 2 months ago and became friends.
I was sort of involved with someone else at the time.
Things ended with the first man. (We weren't serious at all)
The other guy and I became closer. We are in a relationship now.
The problem being is that we have only been together for 2 weeks. His job is relocating him to another state for 14 months. I've done the LDR thing and it never worked for me.
Seeing how I have only known this guy for 2 months and only been in a relationship with him for 2 weeks....I was planning on breaking things off b4 he left and possibly picking things back up when he came back.
Then there's the other part of me that knows that he's worth the wait. He's a rare find and I know that it's only been 2 weeks of being together...but men like him do NOT come a long very often.
It's just the fact that I do not want a LDR. It's not my thing.
My question is for those in a LDR, how do you keep things going, what keeps you together thru the distance?
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~Love is a cycle. When you love, you get hurt. When you get hurt, you hate.
When you hate, you try to forget.
When you try to forget, you start missing.
When you start missing, you eventually will fall in love again~
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posted: 07/11/12 at 3:45 PM
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Ah, Hellya!  Welcome to my favorite board!
If your man is worth the wait, then you can do this and be successful. Tricks of the trade are COMMUNICATION (tests, emails, phone calls, letters, care packages), be yourself, be open and honest, don't be afraid to talk about your bad day of missing him, it's okay and very normal and does mot make you a weak person. Have a countdown ticker, which you can set up at www.tickerfactory.com and watch the numbers go right down the scale. THEN at the end comes the fun when you start planning what all you are going to do when it's time for the big HOMECOMING.
Most of all though, hang out here with us if you feel stressed. We've been through it, are still going through it, and will help you out on those days you feel like a few more hairs have turned greay 
Again, welcome to the Life May it be short and only sweet for you.
Poetman
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Rodger Swan 12/19/1986-1/26/2010 Gone too soon, remembered forever. R.I.P my friend.
You have everything that I have to give; it is the only way that Love truly exists. You and I are each One, and we are both One~E
I cannot be accurately judged by the meat and bone wrapped around me - its features were not my choice.~E
I Love you. Love Me as I Love you, you are Me. you are not me; only here are we we, separate rather than Me, One.~E
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posted: 07/11/12 at 10:46 PM
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Aww, Poetman...thank you. You're the only one who replied to my thread, then again....this is a slow moving forum.
And welcome to my site. haha. Glad you are here.
How've you been? Yeah, I know...I'm derailing my own thread with off topic comments.
Short story. I ended things last night. We both like each other, but 14 months is a long time to wait for someone I just met.
I'm far from clingy and do value my personal space...but not having him here isn't what I want/need. (We've been inseparable since our first date)
Had he been only a few hours away...things would have been much different.
We agreed to stay in touch and see what happens when he comes home.
Thank you for your suggestions....and if anyone else wants to answer the questions that I have asked...feel free.
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~Love is a cycle. When you love, you get hurt. When you get hurt, you hate.
When you hate, you try to forget.
When you try to forget, you start missing.
When you start missing, you eventually will fall in love again~
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posted: 07/12/12 at 3:16 AM
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I think being in touch-loosely-while he's gone is a good plan. That way should anything happen while he's gone, no one gets shattered. And of course, absence makes the heart grow fonder 
I'm doing okay, getting better. After the obituary for my dad was published this past Sunday, it kind of gave me a marker that it's time to start living life again. My brain was able to create things again. So while I still miss him, I can go about day-to-day life and feel mostly okay and smile a bit more.
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Rodger Swan 12/19/1986-1/26/2010 Gone too soon, remembered forever. R.I.P my friend.
You have everything that I have to give; it is the only way that Love truly exists. You and I are each One, and we are both One~E
I cannot be accurately judged by the meat and bone wrapped around me - its features were not my choice.~E
I Love you. Love Me as I Love you, you are Me. you are not me; only here are we we, separate rather than Me, One.~E
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posted: 07/12/12 at 4:06 AM
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Chin up hun.
Yes, absence can make the heart grow founder, but sometimes it also can be it easier to say goodbye or let go.
I'm sure if him and I were together a lot longer, I would have put in the effort or wanted a LDR with him.
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~Love is a cycle. When you love, you get hurt. When you get hurt, you hate.
When you hate, you try to forget.
When you try to forget, you start missing.
When you start missing, you eventually will fall in love again~
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posted: 07/12/12 at 5:03 AM
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Anything is possible
That's the motto of the company I started with in April-Lifebushido. A good one to keep in mind when life throws obstacles in the way..
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Rodger Swan 12/19/1986-1/26/2010 Gone too soon, remembered forever. R.I.P my friend.
You have everything that I have to give; it is the only way that Love truly exists. You and I are each One, and we are both One~E
I cannot be accurately judged by the meat and bone wrapped around me - its features were not my choice.~E
I Love you. Love Me as I Love you, you are Me. you are not me; only here are we we, separate rather than Me, One.~E
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posted: 07/12/12 at 10:03 PM
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Hey Poetman & HellYa
As you probably already know from my few posts on the forum, I'm in an LDR right now. It started online, though, so I tend to keep to that forum. We've met twice now, though - I've gone there & he's come here - and we're counting down when I move to TX to be with him.. so yeah.
For my boyfriend and I.. some of it is just plain figuring out how to keep feeling close despite the distance. We found what works best for us: spending a loooot of time together, just like we would if we were in person. Phone calls, sweet texts, surprises in the mail... we play video games together all the time, too, to have a feeling of togetherness and being able to be somewhere together, even if it's not IRL right now. Video chatting on Skype helps A LOT, too. We try to do that often.
Mostly, though, being available when the other needs you is really important. The distance doesn't make it any less important; I'd even argue that sometimes it makes it more important, since you can't really be together. It helps make the relationship seem important, though, when you do things like that for each other, even when you can't actually be with one another.
Visiting often obviously helps a lot as well, and having some sort of game plan and set things to look forward to really helps take the edge off of the waiting.
Poetman's right, though - it's all about communication. My boyfriend and I had to learn how to stay close despite the distance, and we had to learn to talk about how we feel to make it easier. It's a bit of an emotional roller coaster, being without someone you love like that, so it takes patience... patience and understanding. You have to communicate and always be open to what the other feels - some days he misses me more than I miss him, and others I miss him more than he misses me. It's a give and take, and sometimes you have to be understanding with your partner if you don't feel the same way that same day.
It's worth it, though, because he makes me happier than anyone else ever has.. even when we're apart.
It's probably good that you decided to wait, though.. it's a big commitment, takes a lot of time and effort, and if one partner isn't sure it just becomes a big, huge mess! If you aren't completely sure, it's not worth it.. because what keeps an LDR going is looking forward to the future together and knowing that all those years of being together and happy are going to make up for the sadness of being apart right now. If you can't do that, then it's even harder, and I'd say almost impossible, to keep one going successfully.
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posted: 07/19/12 at 1:02 PM
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I don't know Hell but if I really liked a person and he was unlike anyone else and it meant keeping in touch for 14 months (and not sure where he is travelling to for work but I guess it is still in the same country -different state-)It is a hard call- - and granted it is a huge chunk of time out of someone's life.Out of your life.
But if he is amazing why not try to keep it going and see- the fact that LDR haven't worked before may be different with him and by keeping in contact anyway you two might find you are missing each other and the contact you have kept is evolving into a LDR lol
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