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Does this sound like an ED problem? posted: 07/09/12 at 10:59 AM
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We have been fooling around lightly, but tonight we decided to take it up a notch (oral). He doesn't get hard very easily, I tried giving him BJ or HJ, he seems to enjoy it a lot and gets semi-erected to fully erected - _but would completely lose it within 1-2 minutes.
He said maybe simultaneously (69) - but we didn't do it since he told me towards the end of the night where I couldn't handle another round of oral - or he has to jump right into intercourse when he's hard. We didn't plan for tonight so no one brought any condoms to do anything further. It's pretty much our first night we got to this level and we are both very comfortable with each other. I gave him a HJ last night and the same problem occurred. He's 34 btw, and doesn't have any health problem as far as I know.
I asked him how was it like for him before, and he said this happens in the early phase of a relationship (we have been together for 2 months). It sounds kinda strange to me since we have been feeling VERY comfortable with each other recently, I didn't feel any anxiety or pressure from neither one of us. He's been asking me a lot if we could take it to this level physically since last week. He has a lot of feelings toward me, and I'm not trying to sound conceited or anything - but a of people have commented that I have a "hot" body also...I cant seem to think of a cause to all this other than what's stated in my subject question (ED).
Last edited by Moonlightla on 07/09/12 at 11:12 AM
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posted: 07/09/12 at 12:11 PM
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It is performance anxiety. I would still go though this today if I weren't married and were still out there dating. I am a "giver"...not just during sex but in life. I constantly worry about those around me being happy and having a good time. The cost is i get really stressed out about it and often sacrifice my own good time worrying about others. In the bedroom that stress translates to a lost erection. I had a terrible time with Bjs....I just could not get into them. The whole time my thoughts were "well that feels great but she is not getting anything out of this". I would feel guilty and then start losing my erection. The more I worried about keeping my erection the softer I got.
ED is when you CANT get an erection.....you b/f clearly can and I bet he has ZERO problem with masturbation and staying hard. I still get that way sometimes when I am stressed or very tired and here is how I combat it. i tell my wife "you are hot...Im looking at you and thinking that I'd like to **** you in every hole you have (im not usually that raw) but my dick has gone into a coma I guess. There is NO WAY it's going to get hard but we will try to make this happen until you are tired of trying" It NEVER fails.....I will be tired and stressed and end up as hard as a teenager. Why? Because Ive taken all the stress off of me to have an erection and know she has no reason to expect one. it is nothing more than a mind-****. The problem is me but it's MENTAL...not physical. This will take some communication between you two because you have to both acknowledge what is happening and work together to solve it.
Now understand this is all my opinion....so take it for what it's worth.
If you want to be pro active maybe try and challenge him to NOT get an erection. Let him finger you or lick you and tell him PLAYFULLY that he better not get hard because this is all for your pleasure and you don't like boys with those naughty thoughts. Every guy here can attest to what happens when you start to get hard in an inappropriate situation...sitting in a classroom...church or whatever. The more you say to yourself "please dont get hard",,,,,the harder you get. Role play.....tell him you are a young Egyptian Queen and he is your sex slave and toy. He is not ALLOWED to get hard and he will be thrown out if he does as he is just a slave for your learning and pleasure. Its worth a try 
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Rich Rodriguez : It is very difficult to reason someone out of a position they did not reason themselves into.
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posted: 07/09/12 at 5:15 PM
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| Has he coached you as to what to do with his penis? Probably, if he were a teenager, anything you would do to him would get him hard, but as he gets older (and especially in a new relationship), it requires some knowledge as to what he prefers. Has he shown you what to do with your hands, or told you how oral feels best to him? Let him be your guide as to firm/light, fast/slow, etc./etc.
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"My mother used to tell me, 'In this world, you must be oh so smart or oh so pleasant.' Well, for years I was smart. I recommend pleasant." Ellwood P. Dowd in HARVEY
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posted: 07/09/12 at 8:31 PM
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He did tell me if it feels good, or if it's too rough, etc. Even if he doesn't, I do take the initiative and ask him how he likes it too, or how differently could I do to make it better for him. I remember at one point I was doing a particular move during oral, which he really enjoyed and told me to continue doing it. I honestly thought he was going to cum by the way his body reacted....But 2 days in a row already where he jus all of a sudden lost an erection in the middle of receiving pleasure like this.
I'm very open in the bedroom, and let him explore however he likes on me. I was being extremely responsive to his oral skills, and it seem to drive him crazy with the way I reacted (even he said my reaction really turns him on big time) - but even then I still notice he was only semi-erected.
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posted: 07/10/12 at 8:04 PM
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Men's bodies are not robotic, and as we age, we require physical stimulation. If he was giving you oral but was only partially hard, that's probably pretty normal.
What feels good doesn't necessarily maintain an erection. Whatever your move was....was it accompanied by using your hand to pump him?
Is there some reason he would be hesitant to cum? Is he inexperienced? Nervous or embarrassed? Distracted or tired? Does he masturbate? If so, have him show you how he stimulates himself to get and stay hard. It may require more pressure/friction than you're using. In general, men are probably rougher with women's genitals than they should be, and women are probably too gentle.
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"My mother used to tell me, 'In this world, you must be oh so smart or oh so pleasant.' Well, for years I was smart. I recommend pleasant." Ellwood P. Dowd in HARVEY
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posted: 07/12/12 at 7:37 PM
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I was incorporating both manual and oral, but this one particular move on oral he seemed to enjoy it more, so I kept going with jus oral but then he just lost it. I did asked him about the pressure and speed I was going, and he gave me feedbacks about it.
He said he can only cum through intercourse, but we didn't have any condom at the time. He didn't appear at all nervous, embarrass, tired or anything like that. I asked him if he maturbates, he said very rarely - maybe every...2 weeks. He's not inexperienced, but probably just not as expressive & kinky as me.
I've just never met anyone who has such a difficulty getting hard and staying hard like this, even guys who were quite older than him.
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posted: 07/12/12 at 8:44 PM
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He should probably masturbate more to learn to get, maintain, and control his erection. As for oral (especially without hands), I think most guys would have trouble staying hard and cumming. Again, it might feel good and be fun to watch, but he needs the kind of penile stimulation he would get through intercourse in order to cum as he does during intercourse. Rhythmic stroking that consistently stimulates the edge of glans/head.
IMHO.
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"My mother used to tell me, 'In this world, you must be oh so smart or oh so pleasant.' Well, for years I was smart. I recommend pleasant." Ellwood P. Dowd in HARVEY
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posted: 07/13/12 at 5:32 AM
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Twice when he lost an erection while I went down on him, he just asked me to come up and cuddle with him. He doesn't say anything about it at all, so I had to tactfully asked him how he likes, or if I was being too rough, etc.
I actually wanted to ask him to either masturbate more often or do it in front of me so I get a better idea on how he likes it. He seems so much more conservative than I am so I don't even think hes willing to do that *_*, but let me ask him next time.
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