 |
| |
|
|
Do i deserve to be ignored?  posted: 07/06/12 at 7:21 PM
|
|
|
Basically, i am being well and truly ignored and i am not sure if what i have done makes me deserve it.
First off the man i am referring to is called *Mark*. I was introduced to him through a friend (online) but we haven't actually met in person yet. We have been speaking for the past 4ish months off and on but this past couple weeks everyday. We live about 30 minutes from each other and were both keen to meet up very soon.
So i met this guy (Adam) on holiday last year. I hit it off with him and his family as it was a family resort, this was back in October. We decide to meet up ( he is south England i am north Scotland ) so we met half way. We booked this about 2 months ago and it happened last Tuesday. I told Mark i was going down to Manchester to meet a (which is true Adam is a friend) and he didn't ask any questions. I didn't think it was to much of his business since we hadn't discussed where him and i were going and we decided that if we get on then great whether it be a relationship or friendship. He found out i went down and well he hasn't spoke to me since. I wasn't particularity bothered about going down to meet Adam but as i booked and payed for it i didn't want to waste my money.
I have text him a few times and have had no reply. I personally think he is being very rude. He could at least let me explain. It has been 3 days now and he usually replies within an hour. I'm not the type of girl to chase anyone but he is one of the very few guys i could seriously see myself with.
click to: respond to this topic
|
|
| Options: Reply To Topic | Start New Topic | Edit Message | Quote Message | Report Abuse
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
posted: 07/06/12 at 7:59 PM
|
|
|
He's being very immature, but is understandably hurt. Even though you've never officially met, he feels like you and he are a couple, and now you're seeing someone else, which threatens his tenuous relationship with you.
Why after 4 months and only 30-minutes separation have you and Mark never met in person? You apparently had no problem arranging to meet Adam half-a-Britain away!
Anyway, quit texting Mark---let him pout a bit---he'll get over it, and your begging him to reply only makes him think he can manipulate you. If he expresses concern about your LDR being threatened, remind him that you've never met in person, even though you're not that far separated, and that you simply took the opportunity to meet up with a friend you'd met on holiday. Point out to him that this was not a romantic meet-up, but until you and Mark actually get serious about being with each other, neither of you should expect exclusivity of the other. Tell him that if he's serious about getting to know you, it's time he came to see you, or at least make the same kind of effort that Adam did.
Good luck!
----------
"My mother used to tell me, 'In this world, you must be oh so smart or oh so pleasant.' Well, for years I was smart. I recommend pleasant." Ellwood P. Dowd in HARVEY
click to: respond to this topic
|
|
| Options: Reply To Topic | Start New Topic | Edit Message | Quote Message | Report Abuse
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
posted: 07/06/12 at 8:05 PM
|
|
|
It was very clear Mark and I were NOT a couple and were seeing how things went whether it turned out to be a relationship we didn't know. We have not met yet as although we have been talking for 4 months its been very on and off, but recently more in depth and we both felt it was time to meet.
Me and Mark aren't really long distance, he drives through my town every day for work.
Thanks for your advice, i would like to get an outsiders point of view 
click to: respond to this topic
|
|
| Options: Reply To Topic | Start New Topic | Edit Message | Quote Message | Report Abuse
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
posted: 07/06/12 at 8:19 PM
|
|
|
So let me understand this correctly:
1. You two have been talking on and off for 4 months, but havent met yet.
2. He lives only 3O min away and rolls through your town all the time, still havent met yet
3. You and Mark were VERY clear you were not a couple.
And now you are mad at him becuase he isnt responding to your texts while you visit a dude, regardless of status, across the isle?
This makes me think you are more attached to Mark then Mark is attached to you. I would not at this stage, expect much from Mark as you are not a couple, not seeing each other physically and are only online buddies.
Have a good time with Adam and ask Mark if he would like to meet when you return. There is no reason to be mad at Mark as you two arent commited. Nobody likes to be ignored, but be careful of desiring priority while opening visiting another friend in a stage where things are very fragile. If you like Mark that much, respect he might be a bit upset.
----------
When I am at work, its like I am Iron Man...I feel invincible when I don the armor of success....
click to: respond to this topic
|
|
| Options: Reply To Topic | Start New Topic | Edit Message | Quote Message | Report Abuse
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
posted: 07/06/12 at 8:42 PM
|
|
|
The silent treatment is a gesture of control and manipulation. He is punishing you. He's emotionally immature so it's the only way he knows how to deal with his jealousy.
Ignore his behavior. He's hoping you will keep on trying to contact him, it gives him value to see you squirm, if you participate in this little game he will do it again and again.
Ignore him.
click to: respond to this topic
|
|
| Options: Reply To Topic | Start New Topic | Edit Message | Quote Message | Report Abuse
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
posted: 07/06/12 at 8:46 PM
|
|
|
You were clear with Mark that you were going to meet Adam before hand and he didn't ask you any questions, that's his problem. With that said, if Adam was just a friend and there was no romantic interest at all, why didn't you make that clear? Why didn't you open up the discussion when you were talking about it to see how Mark would feel?
I don't think you owe Mark anything, it's clear that he's not your bf. I would think that he doesn't feel good about investing in you because he thinks you're still "shopping around". But, how is this distance supposed to sort that out? He's being really childish about it and it would greatly change my opinion of him if he was someone that I was seeing.
He's someone you can see yourself with? Consider the fact that every time you step on his toes (which happens), he's going to stomp off like a brat in a snit for days on end. Not very appealing if you ask me. It's just not how healthy relationships work. If he cares about the relationship you two have, no matter the level, he should come to you and talk about this, it's that simple. Also consider the fact that he's jealous, controlling and insecure. His behavior is proof of it.
My first thought is to run while you can, you dodged a bullet. But, if it means that much to you, I would send one more email. I would explain that this was my last attempt to reach out. Explain everything that you're feeling, everything that went on and ask him to contact you so you can talk about it like adults. I would also let him know that I didn't appreciate the silent treatment, no one really does.
----------
Love is not an emotion, it's a decision.
click to: respond to this topic
|
|
| Options: Reply To Topic | Start New Topic | Edit Message | Quote Message | Report Abuse
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
posted: 07/06/12 at 8:50 PM
|
|
|
Thanks for the advice guys.
We are both 25 years of age, mature enough to talk about our feelings. Sadly Mark is someone i can see myself with. I told Mark i was going to Manchester to meet a friend... i didn't say male or female. He asked no questions so i told no lies.
Your right, he is behaving like a spoiled brat... i have reached out to him and he has still ignored me. I will give him until the end of the weekend then his loss.
click to: respond to this topic
|
|
| Options: Reply To Topic | Start New Topic | Edit Message | Quote Message | Report Abuse
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
posted: 07/06/12 at 8:58 PM
|
|
|
quote:
Originally posted by Ashbee
I told Mark i was going to Manchester to meet a friend... i didn't say male or female. He asked no questions so i told no lies.
I disagree. You lied by omission. If you had been clear and said that you were going to meet a male friend, he probably would have asked some questions. You didn't give him that chance. You didn't lie, but you weren't honest.
What if he found out that you went to meet a guy? It now looks like you were trying to hide something. Sad, because you really weren't. But, this is why being open and honest is key.
I don't agree with his behavior, but I can now understand why his nose is out of joint.
----------
Love is not an emotion, it's a decision.
click to: respond to this topic
|
|
| Options: Reply To Topic | Start New Topic | Edit Message | Quote Message | Report Abuse
|
|
|
|
|
