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posted: 06/27/12 at 8:48 AM
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Well he told me he still isn't sure how this relationship will turn out whether it's going for LTR or friendship...Friendship??? He's been thinking that, a considered option?
Well I asked him if he looks at me a just a friend he said no. But I could never be his friend, no way and he's aware of it.
I'm getting told he's keeping a distance from me, hence the work conversation and he will have no time, he tells me I'm further ahead of him in terms of how I feel and there are times where I feel I'm keeping this relationship going as if he wouldn't care if we broke up. I know what I want and I got goals he just takes life as it comes, if it isn't for me I think the relationship will remain in stand still motion. I need to figure out if this is for me by poking at him a bit.
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posted: 06/27/12 at 9:43 AM
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I need to figure out if this is for me by poking at him a bit.
You can't figure it out without having to 'test' him? well that's just..sad?desperate?I dunno the right word but it makes it look like you are trying DESPERATELY to make it work because you feel you've spent so much time on this guy.
there are times where I feel I'm keeping this relationship going as if he wouldn't care if we broke up.
THIS alone,should be enough for you to FIGURE IT OUT. Keep 'poking at him' more than you already have then you'd be one of those tales about ex gfs that you always hear from guys.
I am not sure bout you but when I ended my relationship,I didn't want to make the guy think 'THANK GOD' or 'omgoat what took me so long' or 'Jesus I must have been so fricken dumb' when they met the new girl.
You replied on some guys' post about crazy ex gf and YOU even posted in some of those threads about the ex was crazy , It would be PRETTY tragic if you somehow turn to be one! when all along,you've been giving guys or girls advice bout their 'psycho exes' because I can tell you that you are STARTING to head to that direction.
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To the question of u'r life, u r the only answer. To the problems of u'r life, u r the only solution.
Nobody is perfect and I am nobody. That's why, i am perfect.
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posted: 06/27/12 at 12:26 PM
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[QUOTE]Originally posted by baby07
Well he told me he still isn't sure how this relationship will turn out whether it's going for LTR or friendship...Friendship???
I have never been in a relationship where after 5 months someone was wondering if we would end up just friends. That happens on the first few dates, no?
I'm not going to get into it with you because I feel like I'm simply repeating myself, but this poor guy is scared to commit to a relationship with you. You're a scary person to be in a relationship with. You demand perfection and your standard is unattainable, that's a no win situation and will scare any guy off. I'd be scared too if I were him.
He's being honest about his hesitations, but he's not being honest about what's causing them. He's coming up with all kinds of excuses and not giving you a straight answer. He wants to like you, he wants to have something good with you, but your attitude wont allow it. You're more like a disciplinarian then a gf.
I need to figure out if this is for me by poking at him a bit.
No, YOU need to figure this out for yourself. You don't have to play games with someone to figure your feelings out. Sitting, soul searching and being honest with yourself should do the job.
If this was someone else posting about their bf, you would be in there telling them that they should have ended their relationship long ago. You would probably go so far as to call the guy a loser or something because he couldn't figure out his feelings and was using her in the meantime.
If your bf doesn't know how he feels about you, doesn't know if this will be a LTR or a friendship, why is he hanging onto you and letting your feelings develop? Why isn't he letting you go to be free and find what you're looking for?
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Love is not an emotion, it's a decision.
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posted: 06/27/12 at 12:30 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by baby07
I know what I want and I got goals he just takes life as it comes, if it isn't for me I think the relationship will remain in stand still motion. I need to figure out if this is for me by poking at him a bit.
No, you already know it's not for you, you just want him to do something bad to justify breaking up with him.
I know you would benefit from therapy to deprogram your mind but I doubt you will take time to do that so.....my advice is:
Find someone that is goal oriented just as you are and in 6 months you'll be married.
There are dating agencies and websites for people looking for MARRIAGE. Present your color from the start. No 'here to date first', 'looking for something meaningful and then we'll see'.....because it's not true. You are looking for a husband and the good news is there are men looking for wives.
If you do not go for someone with the same goal as you and continue casually dating hoping it will lead to a marriage within a year......you better get used to your bedroom in your parents house because I see you there for a very long time.
You think it's embarrassing to not be married and be a mother at your age. How embarrassing would it be if because of your way you become an old maid living with her parents all her life?
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posted: 06/27/12 at 12:44 PM
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[[I need to figure out if this is for me by poking at him a bit.]]
WHY oh WHY do you need to pick at him more than you already have? Or perhaps you get a sense of satisfaction of seeing him wriggle with discomfort when he can't measure up to your standards?
Let him go. Don't put him through more "test" taking. It's not fair to him, and delays your hunt for a guy who wants marriage.
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Rodger Swan 12/19/1986-1/26/2010 Gone too soon, remembered forever. R.I.P my friend.
You have everything that I have to give; it is the only way that Love truly exists. You and I are each One, and we are both One~E
I cannot be accurately judged by the meat and bone wrapped around me - its features were not my choice.~E
I Love you. Love Me as I Love you, you are Me. you are not me; only here are we we, separate rather than Me, One.~E
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posted: 06/27/12 at 1:52 PM
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Well he told me he still isn't sure how this relationship will turn out whether it's going for LTR or friendship...Friendship??? He's been thinking that, a considered option?
<------------ This is an excuse and justification for your ridiculous thought process. Im giving you an internet slap and telling you to stop. It I dont care what he said, if you dont like it WALK OUT! You have shoes for walking out that door.
You know WHY he has stated this? Ill give you a good reason...you are hounding him to move faster. He likes you, but feels you are much farther in love with him than he is. You are not letting this happen naturally. Its not even been a year yet, kill the crazy now.
"I'm getting told he's keeping a distance from me," - WHO told you that? Did he directly tell you he is keeping a distance from you or did the peanut crew at home?
"I feel I'm keeping this relationship going as if he wouldn't care if we broke up" - You are pushing him away. Of course he cares, but you will push him to the point where he doesnt care. Do you read anything we say? PUMP THE BREAKS..SLOW THE F DOWN! STOP ALREADY! Or just BREAK UP!!!!
"I know what I want and I got goals he just takes life as it comes, if it isn't for me I think the relationship will remain in stand still motion. I need to figure out if this is for me by poking at him a bit."
You know I heard this phrase "I know what I want" from so many women that are still single much later in life. That "I know what I want" crap is the same thing that is destroying your relationship. You arent smitten with this guy or you would be flexible. If you poke him I gauranteed you will either anger him or move him towards breaking up with you. All of this are huge red flags that you got issues. You know what this states to me?
"If I dont get what I want, when I want it, Im going to prod, poke and torture you until something bad happens. But I am not ballsy enough to give you the decency to break it off."
You are coming from a huge stance of selfishness by doing this. If you dont like his style, FIND ANOTHER MAN! Geezus...you said you were hot, I dont know why you hesitate in finding a different man.
Yet again you push him to a stance of no fault/no responsibility on your part. If he breaks up with you, you come from a position of vicitimization. Its his fault! Right? When the reality is you just cant LET GO of this guy and I really do believe its all about "what everyone wants" out of you. Love is not manipulative. Stop being a coward! Stop pretending you are enjoying this! You dont! move on!!
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When I am at work, its like I am Iron Man...I feel invincible when I don the armor of success....
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posted: 06/27/12 at 2:51 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by silkpajamas
.... but he's not being honest about what's causing them. He's coming up with all kinds of excuses and not giving you a straight answer. He wants to like you, he wants to have something good with you, but your attitude wont allow it. You're more like a disciplinarian then a gf.
I completely agree with that.
quote:
Originally posted by silkpajamas
If your bf doesn't know how he feels about you, doesn't know if this will be a LTR or a friendship, why is he hanging onto you and letting your feelings develop? Why isn't he letting you go to be free and find what you're looking for?
My guess is....he is the passive type and he does not want to get back on the dating market to find someone better suited for him.
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posted: 06/27/12 at 3:29 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by baby07
I'm getting told he's keeping a distance from me
Told by who? Your friends? Are your friends all married and happy?
You are hurting your relationship, you say you are going to relax and see how things go the next two months, but you aren't, all this testing you are doing is wrong. He's not testing you, but I can tell you that if you don't relax you'll be here saying he either broke up with you, or that you broke up with him and he didn't try to keep you- meaning he OBVIOUSLY NEVER cared for you and is just using you for sex.
I don't know why I bother responding anymore.
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