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Is it me? PLEASE PLEASE HEEEEELLLLP! posted: 06/19/12 at 8:10 PM
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Hey guys so, my fiance and i for some reason didn't have sex for a whole week! I'm the type of person where if i go 2 days without it, on the third i will be in the worst possible mood, which happened. I feel like a couple, especially at our stage of the relationship where we've only been together a year in a half should be having sex at least once a day if not twice. With my ex boyfriend after 7 years of being together he still wanted me every single day and was very turned on by me always, only i didn't want him emotionally or physically which caused me to cheat.... I don't want to get that "i want to cheat" urge with my fiance. The sex is great but a week?!?! come on....
He says hes tired, which he is, he only gets bout 5 hours of sleep a night which is not enough and last week, he sometimes only got 3 hours so as soon as wed get into bed all hed want to do was sleep. I of course try to come to him every night and it wasn't working. He was too tired. Plus the stress of loosing out business partner and having to start all over might be getting to him to but i cant help but to think its me. 2 nights ago, i tried coming to him and he said "i'm not in the mood." I got super pissed off and left the room and the next day he comes home with flowers apologizing telling me he doesn't know whats wrong with him and he didn't mean to hurt my feeling and he doesn't know whats going on...
Last night, we "tried" to have sex. He went down on me, which he doesn't do often but, i realized it was because he wasn't getting hard, he was trying to get himself ready for sex that way..... Then after some foreplay he finally was ready and after 5 minutes, it was back down again...  . Idk what is going on and im getting all upset thinking its me. After this happened we just layed down and he could tell i was really upset and he hugged me and told me he doesn't know whats wrong with his body and hes sorry and he doesn't want me to think its my fault or that im doing something wrong but i cant help it.
I feel like maybe hes not turned on by me anymore... I feel ugly, i feel so unattractive and its making me depressed.... Hes a heavy smoker too, he smokes about 2 packs a day which i think might be the problem too but, we never had this problem before.. What do i do?!??
i know hes not cheating on me so, that's not it then, it must be me. hes only 25 there cant be anything else causing this all of a sudden . ugh, i feel like shit, someone help! I just wanna curl up into a little ball and cry my eyes out. I hate this feeling. He feels bad too, this morning before leaving for work i was still asleep and he came and kissed me told me he loved me then left, its really rare when he does that... So idk if i should trust that its not me but, i cant seem to get passed feeling like it is
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Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are.
Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.
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posted: 06/19/12 at 8:24 PM
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It's not you.
Believe it or not, men's bodies are not robotic. Stress, lack of sleep, and poor health (smoking) certainly can affect desire and performance, and when we can't get it up or muster the energy, we don't even try. Mr. Johnson just doesn't want to cooperate.
Have you tried sex other than at night, after a long day? My wife prefers morning sex, when she's rested and energized. Nighttime? She's tired, hurting (back issues), and sleepy.
You might try waking him up in the morning with a little sexual activity. You might also expand your own masturbation activity during these times when he can't or won't participate. You likely won't be copulating like rabbits forever. There will be times when one or both of you can't or won't be available for sex. Look for opportunities to enjoy it, and you take the initiative at least 50% of the time, for his feeling desired will help him overcome this.
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"My mother used to tell me, 'In this world, you must be oh so smart or oh so pleasant.' Well, for years I was smart. I recommend pleasant." Ellwood P. Dowd in HARVEY
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posted: 06/19/12 at 8:36 PM
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I masturbate atleast once per day.. My sex drive is pretty high, it wasnt like this until i became a stay at home fiance, lol.
For about 3 weeks, we had sex everyday during the day as soon as he got home from work but, in the morning hes never up for it because any extra minute of sleep he can get, he wants. The only time we have morning sex is usually every saturday when he goes to work later and sundays when we wake up together. I've tried everything!
When hes laying on the couch watching tv and its still early i try to initiate by coming out from the shower in just a towl and getting on top of him and all he does si says " i cant see the TV." which he did before too unless i was fully nasked, then wed have sex but, it hurts more now where as before it was more like our little joke. I take initiative 100% of the time . This is really upsetting
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Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are.
Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.
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posted: 06/19/12 at 8:49 PM
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We love sex, but if we're trying to read the paper or watch TV or whatever, we usually don't want to be interrupted, even for sex.
100%? Then you need to have a little talk with him, and explain that you know that he's been tired and distracted, and that you miss his body against yours---and that you're starting to feel unattractive and unwanted because he doesn't express any interest in you. Give him the opportunity to respond and perhaps vow to try harder. As it is, if you're initiating 100% of the time, he doesn't HAVE to try! Let him know you want to feel desirable, too!
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"My mother used to tell me, 'In this world, you must be oh so smart or oh so pleasant.' Well, for years I was smart. I recommend pleasant." Ellwood P. Dowd in HARVEY
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Re: Is it me? PLEASE PLEASE HEEEEELLLLP! posted: 06/20/12 at 1:28 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by SuzyBoo1988
! I just wanna curl up into a little ball and cry my eyes out. I hate this feeling. He feels bad too, this morning before leaving for work i was still asleep and he came and kissed me told me he loved me then left, its really rare when he does that... So idk if i should trust that its not me but, i cant seem to get passed feeling like it is
It sounds biochemical. To much sugar and smoking. A lot of stress This might sound as an odd question, but does he wake up in the morning with a hard on. That's generally the sign of normal T levels. How much does he weigh? Do you know his BMI index? I'd send him to a doctor. He's 25? He ought to have raging hard ons in the morning.
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posted: 06/20/12 at 4:06 AM
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He sleeps 3-5h a night, is stressed because your business partner is now out of the picture, and has told you it's not your fault.
Take him at his word. Realize 3-5h of sleep a night is NOT enough and his body is probably feeling the effects of it.
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RIP Rodger Swan 19/12/86 - 26/01/10
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posted: 06/20/12 at 7:30 PM
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Yeah he feels really bad too. Hes not sure whats going on but, he says its just stress or maybe hes getting sick because he does have the sniffles... He once again was trying to reassure me last night that it is not me and hes afraid i will think it is. Which i did but, now i understand its hard for him too and its not me and we just have to find a solution. Maybe see a doctor if it continues.
Theres another weird symptom though, last night everything was fine, took a while but, it worked and then, he finished within like 5 minutes.. usually he cant come during intercourse, its only happened maybe 2-3 times in the whole year we've been together but that was after having sex for at least 40 minutes. He needs outside stimulation so, that was extremely weird and new to the both of us. I can tell its really bothering him but, if he continues to think about it more, it will only get worse.. I reassured him it was ok and wed figure it out and maybe everything will go back to normal once were on our feet again and the business gets back to normal so he wont be so stressed. I'm the one who works on the business 24/7 so all the stress falls on me but i can handle it and apparently he cant.
Hes not over weight, hes 6ft and only weighs 140lbs. So, it cant be his health that is causing this so, im guessing stress and i'm going to stick with that. Well see how it goes, i feel a lot better now
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Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are.
Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.
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posted: 06/20/12 at 9:01 PM
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Wait a minute. So you're saying he came in 5 minutes, but usually can't, and needs other stimulation to ejaculate?
If he's not had sex in awhile, that can lead to a pretty quick orgasm, but you're saying he normally doesn't cum during intercourse?
It's starting to sound like there are some real issues here.
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"My mother used to tell me, 'In this world, you must be oh so smart or oh so pleasant.' Well, for years I was smart. I recommend pleasant." Ellwood P. Dowd in HARVEY
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