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What if your date invitated you to a place you really don't want to go? posted: 06/09/12 at 12:59 AM
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What do you do? Do you pretend you like it and go? Do you speak up about your dislike for the place or the event?
Frank has invited me to the Grand Prix this weekend. The Grand Prix is a humongous world car race event loved by millions of people but to me it's synonym of sitting an entire day under a killing sun, brain smashing noise, burnt tire smells, washroom a mile away, pick pockets, obnoxious fans....
So he asked if he got tickets would I go with him. I answered: Oh! ....uuuhhhmmm....you want to go spend the day there under a beating sun and lose your hearing for a couple of days?
I feel so bad for breaking his 2 legs. It's the first REAL date offered to me in months!! and the tickets are very expensive.
I tried to do some damage control. I said: If YOU like it I'd love to go with you. So he said ok he'll get tickets.
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posted: 06/09/12 at 1:35 AM
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Umm....you sound an awful lot like you are actually grateful for him having asked you on a "real date" for the first time "in months". Going on dates is supposed to be something you do as a couple all the time, rather than a "special treat" that he deigns to bestow upon you.
Considering how his attitude has been this past week, what with him standing you up and generally being whiny and controlling, I'm surprised you want to go out with him AT ALL, much less go out with him to an event you aren't even interested in.
Damage control? Gail, I'm sorry, but saying "no thanks" to an event you aren't interested in shouldn't require "damage control". You let these guys walk all over you so often that you actually think you have to apologize for when you actually do have the guts to assert yourself?
My bf is always asking me to go camping or hiking with him. He also wanted me to join his running club (for those of you familiar, he's into hashing). I said, "No". I don't like any of those things, and I'm not about to do them just to please him. He can do them with his friends.
He and I can do the other things we like together, like cycling, movies, drinking beer, and traveling. When I say no, he isn't mortally offended.
Ha! My ex-husband WAS the type to be mortally offended when I wasn't interested in the things he was into. He pouted when I didn't want to watch F1 racing with him, and he got mad at me that I got bored when he drug me out to the racetrack. Fvck him. He was an a$$hole, and so is Frank if he is the type of guy to be offended or upset that you don't want to do the things he's interested in.
Repeat after me:
"Frank, I'm sorry, but I'm just not interested in car races. If you want to go, go ahead and ask a friend. We can do something else later on this week."
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Poor is the man whose pleasures depend on the permission of another
~My opinions change with new information.~
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posted: 06/09/12 at 1:37 AM
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There are a few things to consider and look at before you jump to a decision.
First off, do you like the guy? If so, going out to do something he likes wont be so bad because you'll be making him happy by trying to enjoy something he likes even though its not something you would typically like to do on a date. Its like you wanting to go watch for example ice skating and him hating ice skating and the cold but if he liked you hed probably suck it up and go..
If you dont really like the guy but just want a date, i'm sure there will be another guy who will invite you out to dinner instead...
He could have always invited someone else, or asked a friend if they wanted to go but, im guessing he wants to take you and spend some time with you... Just my input. I would have said pretty much what you said if i liked the guy "It doesnt sound like my thing but, if you like it then i would be more then happy to go and see what its all about." Its about the company not the place 
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Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are.
Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.
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posted: 06/09/12 at 1:40 AM
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Ah, sorry gail, i'm not aware of your situation so, i guess my response wont be any good here. I thought this was just a guy you were interested in asking you out on a date. Apparently there is more to the story.
If he doesnt treat you right, and this is someone your seeing then i would just say that "this is not something im interested in so id rather not go." You shouldnt do something someone else wants to do if that person treats you poorly. why do you have to be nice to him if he isnt treating you right?
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Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are.
Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.
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posted: 06/09/12 at 2:03 AM
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SuzyBoo: Him and I met for the first time 2 weeks ago. We only had this one date so far. Then we made plans to meet again but it's like there was always something that made it not happen. Once he was suppose to pick me up after work to go to dinner and he felt asleep so I went home. Another time he was suppose to pick me up for lunch the agreement was that he'd call me but he said he thought I was going to call, etc lunch never happened.
After the missed lunch I did not answer his calls and text for 2-3 days then we talked again.
Yesterday I realized him and I have a communication problem.
Example: We are both at our work and calling a few minutes in the afternoon to say hi. He asks what time I get home, I say 18h. I ask what time he gets home he says he'll work at least till 20h. We say our good byes and he ends it with 'call me when you're home'. Now, anyone would have understood...when you get home after work give me a call, so that is what I did. I called him at 18h30 and got his voice mail. Later in the evening he ask me why I called at 18h30 when he had told me he was working till 20h. ? ! huh? Because YOU said call me when you get home!! What he meant was 'call me when you are home and you know I am back from work'.
We can't even schedule a phone call!! Imagine trying to schedule a lunch date!
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posted: 06/09/12 at 2:10 AM
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So pretty much, he bailed on you twice.. Have him get the tickets, then "fall asleep." LOL j/k..
What a sorry excuse for a man...
Let me put it to you this way, if he liked you and was truly interested, he wouldnt fall asleep, and if he wanted to see you at lunch, if you didnt call, he would have... Find yourself a different man and leave this a-hole behind.... You called him when you "were home" which is what he asked of you, he could have called you back when he got home and said "hey, sorry i missed your call as you know i was still working, how are you?" not start up a "why did you call me at 18h when you knew i was at work until 20h"
Have him get the tickets then stand him up like he did you and never answer his calls/texts again.. give him a taste of his own medicine. its only been two weeks so im sure you'll move on fast, there are plenty of fish in the sea. just IMHO. Good luck! He sounds like a real douche.
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Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are.
Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.
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posted: 06/09/12 at 2:12 AM
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It's entirely up to you what you are willing to put up with. For my part, I wouldn't have been so easy on him for standing me up twice in a row. The excuse of "miscommunication" over who is supposed to call who just doesn't fly considering that telephone lines go both ways.
Nor would I put up with comments that I took as being slut-shaming. I.e, looking over your shoulder when you got on your computer, and asking you how many men you have on the line besides him. Even as a joke, it's NOT FUNNY.
While I'm all for trying out new things to do on dates, I wouldn't do something I already KNOW I don't like. If you feel afraid to say "no", and think you need damage control, there's a huge problem.
Likewise, if you say "yes" just to please him, you are putting his needs above your own, which is not a healthy way to begin a relationship. A guy who gets used to always having his needs catered to will become resentful and upset when you begin to say "no". I know this from experience.
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Poor is the man whose pleasures depend on the permission of another
~My opinions change with new information.~
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