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I love my gf but.... posted: 05/13/12 at 1:51 AM
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| I love my gf of almost 2 years but the sex in my opinion is not the best. Everything else about her I desire, the problem is she pressures me into sex, there really isn't any romance to it and it feels forced instead. I want to talk about it but I am not sure how to approach it any advice?
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"It is better to be a racer for just one day than a spectator for a lifetime"
Steven Mcqueen (le mans)
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posted: 05/13/12 at 4:12 AM
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I really think that problems like this are communication issues. If you let her know, in a non confrontational way, that you're feeling the way that you are, she should understand. If you communicate in a way that simply expresses your feelings, how can she object? For example, "I know that you want X, I get it, but when you PUSH for X, it makes me feel Y."
Have you had this honest conversation with her?
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Love is not an emotion, it's a decision.
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posted: 05/13/12 at 11:30 PM
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What is about sex that you don't like? You say she pressures you into it, are you just not as into sex as she is? Or are you not attracted to her? Or is it because the sex is so "vanilla" to you that you aren't enjoying it as much as you could? More details can help us help you  When you say "job" are you trying to have a baby together and she's taking the fun out of intimacy?
When you talk to her, I suggest some solutions, like if sex is just kind of boring to you, or a quick thing each time, or if you feel pressured (as in pressure to perform because you are trying for a baby), I'd tell her that you'd like to make sex more exciting (but don't put it all on her, you can think of some romantic ideas too), whether it be lingerie, new positions, more foreplay, etc.
BTW moving this to sexually speaking in case this becomes more than g-rated
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posted: 05/13/12 at 11:55 PM
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| It's vanila, rough in a bad way, and she wants sex more then me. We are not having a baby she takes the pill religiously but she always complains the we never have sex when it might have occurred that very day, that makes me feel pressured. I feel as if I can't be romantic because she is overly aggressive. We have tried lingere but if having sex feels like smashing into a wall it doesn't feel good. I have not had a serious discussion other then telling what I like and trying to guide her but her aggression takes place.
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"It is better to be a racer for just one day than a spectator for a lifetime"
Steven Mcqueen (le mans)
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posted: 05/14/12 at 12:06 AM
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How long have you been together? Has it always been like this? How often do you have sex? Most couples have sex 1-2 times a week on average.
Unfortunately you just need to talk to her about how you don't like overly rough sex, how you feel pressured, etc.
This may be one thing where you two will have to learn to compromise, IE if you prefer sex one time a week and she wants it daily, you can try possibly having sex 2-3 times a week instead.
Unfortunately you have to sit down and talk with her, be clear without being rude or offensive.
Things like "I don't like when you say we never have sex, I feel pressured into having sex, I am not into rough sex and painful type sex..."
Sounds like she watches too many movies, I've never smashed into a wall during intercourse! lol.
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posted: 05/14/12 at 12:22 AM
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I'm very aggressive and my partner had to take some time to get used to it. He said I made him feel objectified. Since he told me that, I've been more careful in how I approach things. It's actually a bit frustrating for me at times, but I'm getting used to it.
You really have to talk to her. She can't read your mind. The word of the day is "communication".
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Poor is the man whose pleasures depend on the permission of another
~My opinions change with new information.~
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posted: 05/14/12 at 12:32 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by blondgrrl
I'm very aggressive and my partner had to take some time to get used to it. He said I made him feel objectified. Since he told me that, I've been more careful in how I approach things. It's actually a bit frustrating for me at times, but I'm getting used to it.
You really have to talk to her. She can't read your mind. The word of the day is "communication".
What makes this difficult she has no idea that she is aggressive, the only analogy I can think of is someone throwing a wild ball out of control and aggressive.
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"It is better to be a racer for just one day than a spectator for a lifetime"
Steven Mcqueen (le mans)
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