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Advice about missing your other half posted: 04/27/12 at 9:20 PM
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Hi all,
Not really sure which forum to post this in as it kind of covers a number, online romance, LDR and Military spouses!
My story in brief. I met my boyfriend online abut 2 years ago, I was married and it started out as just friends, and we soon realised we had fallen in love with each other (I wasn't proud of this being married and all, but it just happened) We went on linke this, chatting online and on the phone for well over a year. We were at opposite ends of the country so it made it easy not to meet, which although I wanted to in my heart, I didn't want to have an affair. Then over a year later, he gets posted about 45 mins away from where I live. we still spoke all the time on the phone and chatted online, but I still didn't want to have an affair so we still didn't actually meet. A few months later, it was getting really tough, I wanted desperately to meet him, to be with him, but it wasn't the right time to leave my husband. Eventaully I decided what was the harm in just meeting for coffee, so we arranged to meet, and although I was terrified that it wouldn't be the same in real life, I went ahead with it. I was more nervous about meeting him then I ever had been in my life before.
Anyway, we met and it was just perfect, and I soon began seeing him two or three times a week. For those of you who might judge me for doing that or chatting to another man online in the first place while married, my marriage wasn't really like a marriage, my husband was more like a brother to me and we pretty much lived like housmates rather than husband and wife.
So after about three months, I told my husband I was leaving, and I packed up and moved out and rented a flat. That was 3 months ago, and me and my online romance are oficially girlfriend and boyfriend. We see each other all the time, have spent every weekend together from friday night to monday morning and a couple of nights in the week. I don't think I have ever really been in love before I met him, he is my everything, my life, my love and my best friend. I trully believe we are soul mates.
And the reason for my post? He is in the forces, and is going on deployment for 3 months at the start of July. I'm living alone for the first time in my life, and although I am probably only by myself for 2-3 nights a week, I miss him terribly and feel so lonely when he is not here. I find it really hard when I come in from work and have this long evening of what seems like nothingness stretched out in front of me, not seeing or speaking to anyone. I'm really scared about how its going to be while he is away. I'm not sure I'm going to cope that well. My family aren't near, and I'm terrified of spending weekend after weekend alone.
Has anyone got any ideas of how its best to cope when you are on your own for so long?
Thank you
Jasmine
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posted: 04/27/12 at 9:45 PM
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You're going to have to create things that you enjoy to fill your time.
You could:
join a gym
join a class (yoga, pottery, sewing, painting, cooking...whatever interests you)
jog/walk
get a pet
read
volunteer somewhere
If you occupy a lot of your free time, you might appreciate a little down time more.
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Love is not an emotion, it's a decision.
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posted: 04/27/12 at 9:45 PM
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It might actually be good for you to spend some time alone. After leaving a loveless marriage and going directly into another relationship (I'm not judging) it might be valuable to really focus on getting re-acquainted with yourself. Music classes. Art classes. Join a gym. Volunteer. Read books. Learn to knit or crochet. Join a bowling league. Learn to shoot pool. Join a professional group- I'm part of a networking group for people in my industry, and it seems at least 3 days a week there is some kind of happy hour or lec-dem or volunteer activity.
I'm a huge advocate for volunteering. So many arts organizations, social service agencies, schools, hospitals, pet rescue groups, soup kitchens, shelters, etc. would be so grateful for extra help, even just a few hours once a week. It's a great way to fill your time with something worthwhile, contribute to a cause you support, meet awesome like-minded people, and be appreciated and valued for who you are and how you can help.
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posted: 04/27/12 at 11:22 PM
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Thousands of women cope with it all year long and most of them cope with it being left behind with 2-3-4 kids to raise on their own while he's gone.
I was married to a military for many years. He would leave regularly for short periods of time like 2-3 months and longer periods of 7-8 months at a time. At first when he was gone I'd miss him constantly but after a couple of weeks you got yourself in a routine and the 'missing' feeling is put aside and replaced with the chores at hand.
When he gets back you will be on top of the world but you will also notice that you will go through another phase, the phase of getting used to having him back. All military spouses go through this. The following weeks are usually difficult. We've spent months on our own, doing our own thing, making all the decisions, no one do undo our house keeping etc and then suddenly that routine is disturbed.
Nowadays the military wives and gf are lucky. In my time there were no Internet, so no email, no cellular, no texting, no video cam, nothing. We went through 7-8 months cold with maybe 3 phone calls, phone calls that lasted a couple of minutes only because 50 other guys were waiting in line to use that same phone.
You will be just fine. That is why it's important to have a full life of our own even when we are with someone.
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posted: 04/28/12 at 3:25 AM
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"You will be just fine. That is why it's important to have a full life of our own even when we are with someone."
Exactly. The best thing you can do for yourself is to stop reli g on your partner to be "your other half" or to "complete" you. You are a whole person with a life of your own and you can be happy even on your own.
It's your first time to be living on your own so at first the adjustment will be hard. But you'll get used to it. The key, as other posters said, is to stay busy. 
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Poor is the man whose pleasures depend on the permission of another
~My opinions change with new information.~
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