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Should I settle for Mr. Right now? posted: 04/11/12 at 1:18 PM
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There is a guy who is interested in me. During our first date, he told me that he would not mind living with a girlfriend but he does not think he wants to get married... He said maybe down the road, but not right now.
I am not looking to "settle" down right now either, and I would not mind living with him. But to be honest, he is not the guy I see myself "settling" down with anyway.
He is Mr. Right now.
BUT I am 35, and I don't have kids. The old "clock" is ticking. While I am not interested in ever getting married to this guy (who seems to feel the same way about me), I think I would consider getting married to the right guy if he were to come along.
So, should I settle for Mr. Right now or hold out for something better?
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posted: 04/11/12 at 1:27 PM
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The right guy isn't going to come around if you settle for "Mr. Right Now."
So, if Mr now eventually wants to get married...then what?
Why is it that you do not see yourself settling down with him?
How long have you two been together?
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~Love is a cycle. When you love, you get hurt. When you get hurt, you hate.
When you hate, you try to forget.
When you try to forget, you start missing.
When you start missing, you eventually will fall in love again~
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posted: 04/11/12 at 1:47 PM
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We have only gone on one coffee date.
Right now he lives at home, which is over an hour away. He is in the process of getting his own place and the apartment he is looking at is only 10 minutes from mine. (Closer to where he works too).
He seems sweet, polite, and he is very cute. The reason I don't think he is right for me has to do with personality. It's superficial, but I don't think we are right together because:
1) I make way more money than he does.
2) Cultural reasons (he is hispanic, I am white).
3) He does not have a college degree, and I have a Master's.
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posted: 04/11/12 at 1:50 PM
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I don't think Mr. Right Now wants to get married to me. All the dating books say that if a guy does not want to get married, it really means "I don't want to get married to you."
I also worry that there is no Mr. Right waiting for me. I am not the type of girl that jumps from one relationship to another and I have gone on dry spells of no dating for years holding out for "something better". When faced with a predicament like this in the past I would typically end it quickly.. LIke ripping off a band aid.
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posted: 04/11/12 at 1:52 PM
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If these are things that you cannot get past....I would not go on any further dates. Again, Mr right is not going to come about if you are just settling.
It's only been one date, it's difficult to pull all of that together in one date....but you listed 3 things that seem to bother you from the start.
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~Love is a cycle. When you love, you get hurt. When you get hurt, you hate.
When you hate, you try to forget.
When you try to forget, you start missing.
When you start missing, you eventually will fall in love again~
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posted: 04/11/12 at 1:58 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by AutumnJ
but I don't think we are right together because:
1) I make way more money than he does.
2) Cultural reasons (he is hispanic, I am white).
3) He does not have a college degree, and I have a Master's.
In this day and age, yes that is superficial. The important is that this man respects you, loves you, and makes you happy.
I thought too I could only be compatible with a man that made the same kind of money I did, had the same education, was from similar background and that pretty much went out the window when I met my current boyfriend. I am white - he's black, I am a vp - he does physical labor, I went to Uni - I am not even sure he finishished high school.
You are 35 years old, with a good job and education. You do not need a man to support you or to define who you are. You need a man to enhance your life with his presence and his qualities....and a hispanic man, with no college degree but working hard for his little money could do that just fine.
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posted: 04/11/12 at 3:45 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by AutumnJ
I have met guys who are perfect for me, but they never seem to like me back as anything more than a 'friend'.
Typically happens to women with low confidence, and the ones who put themselves down (sometimes verbally in front of guys). Best advice I can give: Love yourself before seeking love from another. "Settling" shouldn't be part of your thought process. If you like and accept yourself, you're less likely to find fault with others in exactly the way you are doing with this guy.
It's different for guys; we get friend zoned for other reasons. But I'd say you probably don't have the best self-esteem?
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I completed my profile!
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posted: 04/11/12 at 3:50 PM
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I find these guys who have great education, great jobs, and great personalities. We get along great, but the throw me in the "friends" category because they find someone better.
It's one of those: "I really like you.. oh, wait, I like her more" kind of thing. I just kind of feel like I am always a second choice.
I am not sure if I struggle with confidence, but I always seem to attract these guys who are very far away from what I am looking for.
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