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posted: 10/29/11 at 11:26 AM
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Brendan, it does hurt bad, but if you cannot be with her as a boyfriend then being in contact with her won't help you- it will just keep giving you false hope and causing you prolonged agony.
I suffered severely in my first serious break-up. And for you, even though you were never together as girlfriend and boyfriend, this is kind of like that I think. I cried every night for 3 or 4 months, and didn't recover for over a year. However, over tiem it gets easier, and you need to make sure you have activities to do that focus you on othe things- ie focus on your future- further study, research, a job, and or your family, friends, events and activities that you enjoy(ed). .
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posted: 10/30/11 at 12:53 PM
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I know it hurts really bad, I've been there. Even though I had never met him it hurt as much as my real life break up did. Like you, I thought I could not do this without him and it's when I did my biggest mistake, I contacted him....and now months later I am still not over him and I am still crying some days that he's not returning my love and he just wants to be friends. If I had made a clean break months ago, like I was suppose to, I would be over him right now.
It's hard, but it's the best. If you don't make a clean cut you will never get over her and you won't be able to move on.
It's a very powerful feeling you need to get control over. I date locally and when I meet someone nice I cannot completely offer my heart because in the back of my head there is always this man far far away that maybe will love me back one day, maybe he will change his mind and realize we're meant to be together, maybe, maybe, maybe.............
I assure you...it's not a way to live.
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posted: 10/30/11 at 3:59 PM
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I had one ex that I was in a relationship with for 6 months. It started online (here, actually-via the Broken Hearts forum) and just happened so naturally. I really liked the guy, he said the same and 3 months later he came to visit us in Texas (where we lived at the time).
That visit...oh, I still remember it with warmth. Yet, those sweet and wonderful memories are colored with shades of grey because after he got home, he sent me a long letter saying (in order) that a) he was a liar and it had to stop-then listed what he had lied to me about *except* leaving out the ex was current and b) that he loved me, and cried as the bus pulled out, and wanted to stay and on and on and...
Well, of course coming after the liar admission, the "I love you" part got a raised eyebrow on my end. There was a subtle change when he got back home. He didn't want to talk so much, wasn't available, etc. He did come back for a longer visit in August-and met my daughter. They hit it off wonderfully well, we had a blast. But he would text all the time (claiming a phone phobia), take calls from "his mother" in places I couldn't hear, and his phone would ring at midnight/1:00 during our time. When he left, she picked him up from the airport and he went right back to her and her bed. Then he sent me a text-a *text!*~saying he wanted a break. Okay, silence. Then I got a call he had cheated on me (with her) during the break.
It took me nearly 4 YEARS to move on, and that was based on just 6 months. I would send him periodic "how are you" emails, just being chatty. I believe now, though, that the healing time would have been faster had I just let him go.
Cry all you want and type here. We've all been through it.
Peace,
Poetman
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Rodger Swan 12/19/1986-1/26/2010 Gone too soon, remembered forever. R.I.P my friend.
You have everything that I have to give; it is the only way that Love truly exists. You and I are each One, and we are both One~E
I cannot be accurately judged by the meat and bone wrapped around me - its features were not my choice.~E
I Love you. Love Me as I Love you, you are Me. you are not me; only here are we we, separate rather than Me, One.~E
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posted: 10/30/11 at 6:36 PM
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It hurts bad and try to think of it this way, that she got scared by the texts and backed off as she wanted something like a friendship and you wanted so much more- and when you didn't get the kind of response you wanted you took it out on her- what was she to do- wouldn't it scare you too- because as much as we thnk we think we know someone in real life-we don't and as much as we thnk we know someone online- we don't even come close- there is no way to know her or her family like people do who live in the same village-
When I was growing up in Ireland a person would know everyone in the general area- you'd know the thieves and the liars and the cheats and the con artists and the decent people and the man who had been committed to an insane asylum(as it was called then) for killing his mother and the ones that got someone pregnant and were frced to marry and the ones that ran away with the postman and the abusers-
You'd know them all but online you can't tell who anyone is- they could be the nicest person in the world or not- so when you chose to send her the texts she had no way of knowing who you really were- she had given you friendship and you sort of dismissed it....the impossibikity of distance makes for few mistakes- meaning if you lived local you could meet and have known it was going to be a friends only relationship and from a distance and without any visual cues it is hard to even argue- the first text that is bitter can be the last because it can't be worked out. the only thing you can do is to say goodbye if someone turns nasty and delete all traces of them- In a way that's good- You can't do that when you live in the same viillage....
And if you love her the most loving thing to do is to accept her forgiveness and let her go as a final act of the love you feel. It isn't easy but it sometimes helps to reverse the people involved- you be her and she be you and see if you still would want to be in touch.
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posted: 01/06/12 at 12:39 AM
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You know...this is a tough nut. Having been lied to myself, and for the whole relationship, my instant reaction is "Don't!" I see where you are coming from though, and the why of it-but I still think your best bet is to block her on FB, set up your filtering so emails get auto-deleted, block her on the phone, etc. In other words, total shut down. Every door she has to you, slam it tight-and walk away.
Best,
Poetman
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Rodger Swan 12/19/1986-1/26/2010 Gone too soon, remembered forever. R.I.P my friend.
You have everything that I have to give; it is the only way that Love truly exists. You and I are each One, and we are both One~E
I cannot be accurately judged by the meat and bone wrapped around me - its features were not my choice.~E
I Love you. Love Me as I Love you, you are Me. you are not me; only here are we we, separate rather than Me, One.~E
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posted: 01/06/12 at 1:14 AM
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You will appear to her like a nutcase. Nothing less.
This is an elaborate plan to get back in touch with her, nothing else. You are in full denial of your own motivation. Then you will be expecting some kind of reply from her, then you're going to read all kinds of things in a reply or a no-reply.
Stop it. Pick up yourself and move on. Closure is over-rated, no one gives you closure, you give it to yourself.
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posted: 01/06/12 at 1:36 AM
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You will appear to her like a nutcase. Nothing less.
There.
If you can't bring yourself to end contact by blocking her and everything,
Pranking won't help you.
I know I won't go back to feeling the way I did. All those feelings that came out...it was really cathartic for me, and now it's gotten to the point where, even though she won't think I like her, I know I'm going to feel extremely relieved.
Oh yeah?then why need to do that lame prank? you need her to know you never like her in order for you to move on? it sounds more like your ego is bruised that you're ashamed now that she knows you like her and turns out she doesn't so you're trying to save some face by doing this prank.
If I were her,I'd see right through your prank. You're not the first person who thought of that,
and you wouldn't be the last I can assure you and it WILL make you look more like a fool if anything. so my vote would be,
Don't.
Just be a gentleman ,act cool and move on.
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To the question of u'r life, u r the only answer. To the problems of u'r life, u r the only solution.
Nobody is perfect and I am nobody. That's why, i am perfect.
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