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When to tell a date about the divorce? posted: 09/13/10 at 11:19 PM
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| I've been divorced two years now. My ex was abusive and I'm pretty sure he was lying/cheating. I'm completely over him, had a couple of relationships since, and am starting over on the dating scene yet again. I never know though, when is the right time to tell someone new that I'm divorced? I don't want it to seem like I'm trying to keep it a secret, but I don't want to just brandish it around like I'm still hung up on it either. I've had both come back to bite me in the butt. How do I know when the time is right to talk about it?
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--~Katie~--
Gone but not forgotten. Rodger Swan 12/19/86 - 1/26/10
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posted: 09/14/10 at 12:07 AM
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Since you don't have any children from a previous relationship and since it has been quite some time since your divorce, I'd hold off on bringing it up until the other person discusses their own relationship history.
I have a friend who is 31 and divorced his ex about three years ago. He only brings it up if he feels strongly about someone as a possible partner or if they ask early on into dating.
Hopefully some of our divorced posters on here will give you some personal feedback on this. I'm definitely curious to know how they've dealt with this sort of situation.
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posted: 09/14/10 at 6:16 PM
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| It's not uncommon for people who are divorced to date. Being divorced is not a big black mark against you -- unless you make it such. To me, that I was divorced was pretty much one of the first things I mentioned to a potential date. Friends new I was; it's part of any on-line dating site; and even if I were to go on a blind date, there's a process of telling the date about myself. No biggie.
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There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven
Ecclesiastes 3:1
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posted: 09/14/10 at 11:17 PM
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Meh....I was once dating a guy for six months without telling him I was divorced. I casually mentioned something about my "ex-husband" one day and he said, "You were married?" I'd totally forgotten to mention it, because it really didn't seem all that important that he know. What difference does it make? Does it effect your current relationship? If you're not carrying around a bunch of issues, which I'd hope you aren't, then it shouldn't really matter.
You don't have to make it this HUGE secret, but you don't have to make a grand announcement out of it either. I think the subject will end up coming up fairly naturally in the course of conversation, and it really shouldn't be a big deal.
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Poor is the man whose pleasures depend on the permission of another
~My opinions change with new information.~
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posted: 09/15/10 at 11:04 AM
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Thanks guys.... no I'm definitely not carrying any issues from the divorce. He was abusive and we had no kids so the decision to go was easy.
Most of the time it hasn't been an issue cause it's not exactly like I'm saying "i have ____ children" but some men freak out.
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--~Katie~--
Gone but not forgotten. Rodger Swan 12/19/86 - 1/26/10
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