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Lovingyou.com > Love Advice & Tips > Love Advice > Buying a house and having doubts
Buying a house and having doubts posted: 08/20/10 at 10:13 AM

cooorazy Luv  [more]
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My boyf and I have been together almost 4 years and are currently house hunting. Everything goes fine, we have ups and downs like everyone.

Just tonight i was thinking "Do i want all this?" "am i going to be happy taking this huge leap of buying a house with this person?" I mean i have NEVER had doubts but now i think I am.

Tonight i met a friend and he seemed annoyed that i didnt meet him instead...he didnt say it but i could tell... i offered to cook for him tomorrow after i train (so it'd be about 8pm) and he said that was too late... when i asked about sat he just said he has a match... but a person still has to eat so i dont understand. I mean if we were first together he'd hold out till 8pm to have a dinner with me... theres no excitement about him anymore... its like hes too lazy to care or make an effort! he's usually down in the dumps over work and its been going on quite a while... so maybe that would explain why he seems to be acting awkward about making plans with me? I mean its only been 2days since i last saw him... we usually see each other everyday but I've been busy and met a friend.

i dont know if its the huge commitment of buying a house with someone that has me doubting. My parents also split up so i always felt like nothing is made to last... i always felt like me and him were but now im not so sure

Help me

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Grá mo chroí, beidh mé i ngrá leat go deo xxx ( Irish for: love of my heart, i will be in love with you forever)


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posted: 08/20/10 at 10:16 AM
Solstice  [more]
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If you are having doubts I would absolutely NOT buy a house with him. That's a major commitment when you are legally married but to do it without the legal protections of marriage in a questionable relationship would have me very wary.

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posted: 08/20/10 at 10:19 AM

cooorazy Luv  [more]
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i dont know if its a fear of commitment and im reading into things... or if its genuine...?

I cant imagine ending the relationship. its just come over me all of a sudden!

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Grá mo chroí, beidh mé i ngrá leat go deo xxx ( Irish for: love of my heart, i will be in love with you forever)


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posted: 08/20/10 at 10:31 AM
Solstice  [more]
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I'd be scared too. That's a huge step.

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posted: 08/20/10 at 12:38 PM

banarabbyt1  [more]
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I don't know I don't think I'd ever buy a house with someone unless they were my husband. It's such a big commitment- if you decide to buy at least have a plan you can both agree on in case the relationship does end. Like will you sell or rent out the house or will one buy the other out.

Good luck.

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posted: 08/20/10 at 12:59 PM

fair_is_fair  [more]
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Renting a house maybe...but buying a house??? Im not so sure if that is such a wise idea. If for some reason, God forbid the worse happens...you are both stuck with a financially binding asset that could be a huge headache for the both of you. Right now the market is great for buying a house, however its not so great for selling and who knows when. You are stuck at least for quite a while until perhaps the economy gets better and the housing market is doing better than dead. I have to agree with bana on this one...I wouldnt buy one unless it was with a husband.

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When I am at work, its like I am Iron Man...I feel invincible when I don the armor of success....

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posted: 08/20/10 at 5:15 PM

cooorazy Luv  [more]
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I am not a huge marriage fan... we have spoken about getting engaged but im not pushed on the wedding idea. Im a practising catholic and always go to mass... he doesnt. Its more financial reasons that we wont get married though. Everyone has big weddings here and we have a lot of extended family that would expect to be there not to mention friends.

I would prefer to have a home together and wake up beside each other than be broke after a wedding struggling to pay rent (rent is much higher than mortgage repayments in our area). We will have a lawyer to sort deeds etc and said we sort and agreement in case things go wrong.

I used to have a fear of commitment before he came along... but i guess that fear has come back to haunt me a bit. Whats worse I told him about these doubts and he has absolutely none and he says he understands but that i dont need to be worried.

I woke up this morning feeling stupid for having doubts... he's such a wonderful person and he adores me... i dont know why i freaked out... maybe its normal, or maybe its because of my parents

My dad knows about the house and all he said was "thats great, dont go getting married though"

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Grá mo chroí, beidh mé i ngrá leat go deo xxx ( Irish for: love of my heart, i will be in love with you forever)


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posted: 08/20/10 at 8:19 PM
baby07  [more]
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Actually no, that's backwards buying a house is 10 times more expensive than renting. mortgage payments, property taxes, bank interest rates, hydro bills and other expenses will not make your life easier. It doesn't matter where you live, but if you buy a house with no money or little money down, your interest rates will increase drasticlly. By the end of it all if the house you buy is 300K you are technically paying double in the end. If you are having money issues and can't even afford a wedding or rent buying a house is a HUGE mistake. you are young, build your credit instead of going in debt. And I wouldn't buy a house until in marriage. What if your relationship is over, someone would be left with the mortgage payment or sell the house and by selling you'd be losing a lot of money. It's not as simple so renting is the best solution

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posted: 08/20/10 at 10:26 PM

april day  [more]
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This gets to be very messy, especially if the relationship fails and neither of you have the money to buy out the other, then what do you do? I would do some serious thinking about this before you leap into debt.

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There is only one happiness in the world, to love and be loved.George Sand

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posted: 08/20/10 at 11:39 PM

Sally00  [more]
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Buying a house with a guy you're not married to IS a huge step. That's probably why you're having doubts.

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