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Lovingyou.com > Love Advice & Tips > Love Advice > The difference between a true connection and physical attraction.
The difference between a true connection and physical attraction. posted: 08/16/10 at 12:00 PM

BleedingHart  [more]
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It is very easy to confuse a real connection from physical attraction. So I am curious to your views on this.
How can you tell the difference between the two? How do you know when you and another person are physically touching each other, that the connection goes beyond that?

Please post what you think, and I'll come back a little later with the situation.

TIA.

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posted: 08/16/10 at 12:08 PM

fair_is_fair  [more]
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That is a good question. I think a real connection tends to go beyond being physical, its that initial lightning strike where you just feel something very good is going on. Im not one to post though since some people think Im just putzing around, but Im still looking for that lightning strike.

Physical attraction can turn into a connection, but from what I understand, it always stems more in the thought pattern of just being close to that person, having sex with them, but not thinking beyond that or more such as a life together or thinking about what they are like on a date.

I think generally you can have both and I think it would be good to have, both, right? You cant really continue connecting without being physically attracted to that person. However you can be physically attracted without connecting.

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posted: 08/16/10 at 12:28 PM
sassylasse  [more]
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A real connection for me has usually been getting along. Conversation is easy, you have fun going and doing things together and your lifestyles fit together. Physical is usually secondary to the mental connection.

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posted: 08/16/10 at 1:51 PM
selfdoubt123  [more]
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physical attraction gets your heart and hormone going, real connection gets your brain and logic going.

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posted: 08/16/10 at 9:07 PM

BleedingHart  [more]
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Interesting.

Well, here is the situation:

This weekend, a friend of a friend was in town visiting her family. The last time I saw her was about three years ago, and the three of us were hanging out. She left quite the impression on me, and it was pretty obvious that we were physically attracted to each other.

Fast-forward three years to last Friday. It was a little mellower considering that not as much alcohol was involved this time around, which made things feel more genuine. But as the night went on, we continued to warm up to each other more and more. At the end of the night, I walked her to her car; we exchanged emails, and then hugged before calling it a night.

The hug was very... oh, I don't know... affectionate (very close, unhurried, hip to hip kind of hug). Even after our bodies separated we still couldn't seem to keep our hands off of each other, gazing into each other's eyes in silence.

As I watched her leave, I couldn't help but wonder if there's a connection there, or if what I was feeling was just physical attraction. I don't know if it's just because it has been such a long time since I have been touched by a woman, but the feeling when she touches me is ineffable. I've hugged plenty of women I found physically attractive, but there is something additional there with this girl that is hard to explain.

Grrr, I feel I should know these things by now. I know what I would say to someone describing my situation, but when the person is myself, I couldn't be more uncertain.

Oops, this is longer than I planned it to be. Thanks for reading, lol.

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posted: 08/16/10 at 9:18 PM

TheStupid  [more]
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And you didn't kiss her? Why?

Why does it matter? Don't make things more complicated than necessary.

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posted: 08/16/10 at 11:18 PM

april day  [more]
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I like Selfdoubt's analogy. There really is more than one type of attraction, and it's great when you have them both.

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There is only one happiness in the world, to love and be loved.George Sand

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posted: 08/16/10 at 11:56 PM

TheStupid  [more]
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quote:
Originally posted by selfdoubt123
physical attraction gets your heart and hormone going, real connection gets your brain and logic going.


When does attraction become logical? Attractions, physical or not, all come down to our hormones and emotions. Granted most attractions start from physical as we human are animals of perceptions - we see things.

Like I said, life is hard as it is, don't try to make it harder. If you try to discuss philosophy or meaning of life, that is fine but don't let those get in your way. Follow your heart and your feelings, enjoy your life.

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posted: 08/17/10 at 12:00 AM

Tr1sh  [more]
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Bleedingheart

A deep connection pulls at your heart. A purely physical connection pulls a bit lower.

You can build on a physical connection. I agree with TheStupid. You should have kissed her. If you find yourself in that situation again, take initiative. If I were the lady in Q, I would be fretting that you didn't like me in any way after a missed opportunity like that.

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posted: 08/17/10 at 12:04 AM

Katie S.  [more]
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I don't think you can necessarily tell after just one meeting and sometimes it might even take several.

I believe a "true" connection is cultivated through shared activities, interests, events or being involved in something outside of yourself. So it's not "concious." This is why a large percentage of people get together with someone from school, work, or whom they see frequently in a non-romantic setting where dating or finding "connections" are not the primarily purpose. You have time to slowly "warm up" to someone and vice versa, get comfortable, and find mutual understanding.

I think it's quite possible for two people to start with a more mental connection that will "cultivate" (I like that work) the physical attraction. And I also think it's possible for two people to be physically attracted from the beginning and for the mental connection to become cultivated as well. But there is no guarantee that either will happen.

Confusing the two, I feel is a misnomer. I think it's the case where the feelings are not mutual. Just because someone agrees to become physical with you, does not even mean they are necessary THAT attracted to you. They could be lonely, need attention, horny or whatever. You just don't know.

I think only time can tell if the "feeling"--whatever combination of physical/mental connection that may be--is mutual.

But I guess people confuse physical attraction as a basis for building a life together. Ideally, you want physical attraction as well as the mental, spiritual, emotional and intellectual connection. You also can't build a genuine "life" with someone you really have no attraction for -- you CAN try, but it would just be a business deal. And I can't imagine a loveless marriage or relationship would be fun.

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Live in a way that leaves no regrets.
Strive most to understand what you fear most.
To change our lives, we must first change our minds.

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