A collection of love, romance and relationships resources including advice, poetry, quotes, dedications, chat, horoscopes, romantic ideas, message boards, free love postcards and much more!!
What's New Today on LYC...
Monthly Romance Calendar
Forum Quick Links:   Forum Home   |   My Home Page   |   My Inbox   |   My Calendar   |   Find Members   |   FAQ   |   Terms  
Popular Forums:   LYC Chat   |   Love Advice   |   Sexually Speaking   |   Military Spouses   |   Online Romance   |   Ask A Male   |   LDR   |   Holidays  
Lovingyou.com > Love Advice & Tips > Love Advice > boyfriend still misses his ex
boyfriend still misses his ex posted: 07/30/10 at 6:16 AM
woofy  [more]
IP: Logged
 Posts: 15
 Group: New Member 
 Joined: Jul 2010
 Status: OFFLINE
Make Buddy | PM User
boyfriend still misses his ex
Hi all...
would like to get some responses on....how do you deal when your boyfriend is still misses his ex?

they have decent contacts now, business only and the ex send him cards as well....idk if he sends cards to her or not because we have been in relationship for only 4 months. he broke up w her 3 yrs ago, of 10 years relationship.

i havent confront him about this because if the answer is yes then this thread is born, if the answer was no then i think he is lying because:

1. he often mentions himself with the nickname his past gf used
2. he often talks abt his ex whenever we talk abt something related to her ( for ex the towel is his bday gift from her, the city where she was born , etc)
3. whenever he mentions abt her he would uses " my... (ex name")


so im quite annoyed , but it is the way it is and how can i deal with this?
responses are welcome!

click to: respond to this topic

Options: Reply To Topic | Start New Topic | Edit Message | Quote Message | Report Abuse
posted: 07/30/10 at 6:58 AM

BlackHaven  [more]
IP: Logged
 Posts: 655
 Group: Member 
 Joined: May 2004
 Status: OFFLINE
Make Buddy | PM User
My ex would talk about his ex. They were together for 3.5 yrs, he proposed to her, she said no and then broke up w/ him. Nice huh?

Well he was really hung up over her. If a song came on he would say something about how that song reminded him of her or something equally as annoying.

I would think that your bf is still very much in love with his ex. Either that or he's doing all this out of habit and not to hurt/annoy you.

Some people never get over their ex. I broke up with my other ex nearly 2 years ago and he's STILL in love with me. I know this b/c he's told me a few times.

Oh and btw, after MY ex (the one hung up over his ex) and I broke up he went right back with her. So... if your bf is anything like my ex, if you broke up with him he would probably try to be w/ her again.

If I were you, I would call him out on it and ask him about it. Ask him if he's still in love with her? if he realizes he does it? why does he do it? Just be point blank with him.

----------
Daisypath - Personal pictureDaisypath Anniversary tickers

Mom of 20 fuzz-butts

click to: respond to this topic

Options: Reply To Topic | Start New Topic | Edit Message | Quote Message | Report Abuse
posted: 07/30/10 at 7:02 AM
woofy  [more]
IP: Logged
 Posts: 15
 Group: New Member 
 Joined: Jul 2010
 Status: OFFLINE
Make Buddy | PM User
hiya...thanks for the response. yes you re right
...the problem if the answer yes, then what?

i realized that he doesnt do that to annoys me, its just the way it is, just wonder how to deal with this situation?

of course i want him to forget her etc but how to get from point A ( he misses her) to manage until we get to point B ( he get over her)?

do I have to do certain things....
or....should i ask h im to do something? what?

i need some advice about this....its silly to let this happen coz its just not fair...i have no baggage to carry in this relationship but he does and i think we need to do something but i dont know what (

click to: respond to this topic

Options: Reply To Topic | Start New Topic | Edit Message | Quote Message | Report Abuse
posted: 07/30/10 at 7:04 AM
woofy  [more]
IP: Logged
 Posts: 15
 Group: New Member 
 Joined: Jul 2010
 Status: OFFLINE
Make Buddy | PM User
and by the way....probably one of the reason that he doesnt pursue her anymore but still keep her in his mind is because he broke up for good coz they had been in clueless 10 yrs of relationship and she cheated and now she lives with whom she had affair with......sigh*

click to: respond to this topic

Options: Reply To Topic | Start New Topic | Edit Message | Quote Message | Report Abuse
posted: 07/30/10 at 9:00 AM

Gail65  [more]
IP: Logged
 Posts: 7264
 Group: Member 
 Joined: Feb 2010
 Status: OFFLINE
Make Buddy | PM User
I remember being the person always mentionning her ex. If we were talking about visiting a place and my ex and I had been there I would talk about it, just like your boyfriend does. I did it because I was not over him!

How long you've been with someone is not really related on how long it's going to take to get over them. Husband number 1 I was married 12 years and when I left him I never shed a tear and never looked back!! Husband number 2 I was with him for 4 years and it took me 3 miserable years to get over him!!

If you ask your boyfriend if he still has feelings for his ex he will deny it. Who wants to admit that to their current girlfriend! and who wants to admit that to themselves also!

If I were you I would make a comment that he mentions his ex often. Maybe he doesn't realize he does it and after that he'll be more careful. If it's an ongoing thing then there's no miracle here, he's not over her and you're taking a chance of simply being a bandaid on his bobo.

click to: respond to this topic

Options: Reply To Topic | Start New Topic | Edit Message | Quote Message | Report Abuse
posted: 07/30/10 at 9:32 AM

MissFae  [more]
IP: Logged
 Posts: 1785
 Group: Member 
 Joined: Apr 2008
 Status: OFFLINE
Make Buddy | PM User
Sounds like he may not get over her until he's had to be without any contact with her for a while. If she's completely absent from his life in every way, eventually his brain will start to create new associations for things that used to make him think of her.

I am not suggesting you ask him to do that though. In all honestly, if you've only been in the picture for 4 months, I'd think about moving on and finding someone who's emotionally available. You can't be the person to push him to get over her because that puts you in a "you vs. her" scenario in his head. Even though he has to choose you because she isn't an option, in his heart, if he's still in love with her, he'll still favour her and anything you do to drive a wedge between him and her will only drive that wedge between you and him.

If you gracefully back out and you explain why, he may be hurt, but he'll respect you for it....and he may be inspired to do some thinking about the effect she has on his life and do something about it.

----------



Daisypath Anniversary tickers

click to: respond to this topic

Options: Reply To Topic | Start New Topic | Edit Message | Quote Message | Report Abuse
posted: 07/30/10 at 3:52 PM

pumpernickel  [more]
IP: Logged
 Posts: 193
 Group: Member 
 Joined: May 2009
 Status: OFFLINE
Make Buddy | PM User
There isn't much you or he can do about this. He is going to miss her for as long as he is going to miss her. I understand that is a very vague thing to say, but it means no one really knows for how long he will miss her. Not even him.

I had a very similar situation. He was not over his ex, but we decided to try it out. Some people believed since she is out of the picture, there really shouldn't be anything to stop us. Sure, she had absolutely no interest in starting things with him again, but he was just not completely ready for a new relationship. I broke up with him in about 2 months, and guess what, he wasn't over her for another two years afterwards. So I guess the real question is, for how long can you be patient about being 2nd to him? At 4 months, I personally wouldn't believe it's worth it. There are plenty of guys out there ready with a whole lot of love.

click to: respond to this topic

Options: Reply To Topic | Start New Topic | Edit Message | Quote Message | Report Abuse
posted: 08/03/10 at 8:42 AM
neniuxss  [more]
IP: Logged
 Posts: 753
 Group: Member 
 Joined: Mar 2004
 Status: OFFLINE
Make Buddy | PM User
I agree with Pumpernickel's post.

IF at this point you can see your SO is STILL interested in his ex, talking about her, mentioning her all the time, while he claims to be over her, something is wrong with you, honey.

Not him. He is being honest and he is telling you he is NOT READY to have a relationship with anyone else. You are the one who is not listening....The question is WHY?

Why do you not want to see what is clearly in front of you? Do you really think he will wake up anytime soon and say "Whoa! That was such a bad dream! It's you I love and not her!" Don't hold your breath....

He is not lying to you. Please don't waste months or years of your life next to this guy, waiting for him to "snap out of it".
Chances are, sooner or later HE will give you the old "Sorry, it's not you, it's me" speech....and what will you do then?

You cannot say it came as a total surprise, can you?
Good luck. Please forgive my frankness. I don't mean to hurt you...just to make you think.

----------
Nena

click to: respond to this topic

Options: Reply To Topic | Start New Topic | Edit Message | Quote Message | Report Abuse
posted: 08/03/10 at 9:14 AM

Azerman  [more]
IP: Logged
 Posts: 1700
 Group: Member 
 Joined: Dec 2008
 Status: OFFLINE
Make Buddy | PM User
On the bright side he demonstrates that he has the ability to form lasting emotional attachments - I assume you want that in a man. Unless a man with the ability to attach has never dated anyone else there will be feelings in there somewhere.

But he does need to learn to live within boundaries and to manage those feelings.

click to: respond to this topic

Options: Reply To Topic | Start New Topic | Edit Message | Quote Message | Report Abuse
posted: 07/07/11 at 3:57 AM

pinkie85  [more]
IP: Logged
 Posts: 890
 Group: Member 
 Joined: Dec 2003
 Status: OFFLINE
Make Buddy | PM User
Ok, if I were in your shoes, I would walk away from this relationship until he has gotten over his past feelings. I would feel rather "depreciated" to be in a relationship where he is obviously still sharing some past feelings with his ex. It's all or nothing for me.

----------
Even if you are on the right track, you'll still get run over if you just sit there. -Will Rogers

click to: respond to this topic

Options: Reply To Topic | Start New Topic | Edit Message | Quote Message | Report Abuse
More On Page: (1) 2 »

 

Notice: Use this form ONLY if you are already a member! New users, register for free here!
Notice: This is our quick reply form, for all reply options such as smilies, HTML and more, click here!
Fast Reply:
Your User Name:    Want to register?
Your Password:    Forgotten your password?
Subject: (Optional)
Show Signature: include your profile signature.
 Notice: By submitting to this site, you agree to these terms of use.
Forum Options:
· Save this topic to my favorites (subscribed)!

· Email this topic to a friend!
Rate This Thread:

Back To: Lovingyou.com > Love Advice & Tips > Love Advice > boyfriend still misses his ex

 

LOVINGYOU.COM SITE MAP
LOVE:  Communication | Affairs | Dating | Getting Serious | Getting Married | Break Ups | Loving Yourself | Support Groups | Dear Love
ROMANCE:  Romance 101 | Ideas | Date Nights | Recipes for Two | Romantic Travel | Craft Ideas | Holidays & Celebrations
PASSION:  Lovemaking 101 | Passion Play | Loverotica | Ask Aphrodite | Pillow Talk
INSPIRATION:  Love Poetry | Love Letters | Love Quotes | Love Stories | Dedications | Printables | Lovescopes | eCards
   Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Contact Us | Writer's Guidelines | Suggestions

Lovingyou.com, Inc.SM All rights reserved.

Message board powered by vBulletin. Copyright ©2000, 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Limited.

SheKnows Lifestyles