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Lovingyou.com > Pillow Talk > Sexually Speaking > How to begin dom/sub play....
How to begin dom/sub play.... posted: 03/09/10 at 6:25 PM
metee  [more]
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My partner and I have an amazing sex life and have shared many many firsts together. I tend to be more vocal about what I want and experimenting which works out fine because he's a very happy and willing participant in everything I propose. Often he becomes more enamored with an idea after I bring it up that I am. So, I'm pretty sure he'll be open to trying out my dom/sub ideas....once I get them. I never knew before if I was a dom or a sub but lately I've been thinking that I'm more of a dom because I've been having tons of fantasies of just having my way with him. The idea of being tied up myself is a borderline turn-off but the idea of tying him up is...wonderful.

However, how does one break into this? I don't think I would feel comfortable whipping out the leather and whips my first time but I'm not really sure how to ease into it either. Start with furry handcuffs? A blindfold?

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posted: 03/09/10 at 8:08 PM

HellYaImNuts  [more]
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I would start by asking him his thoughts on the matter and how he feels about the idea. That way, you know his limits or where he stands on the idea.

Express your fantasies to him when the topic comes up.

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~Love is a cycle. When you love, you get hurt. When you get hurt, you hate.
When you hate, you try to forget.
When you try to forget, you start missing.
When you start missing, you eventually will fall in love again~

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posted: 03/09/10 at 9:11 PM

Graven  [more]
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I would start by expressing how much you love being on top, and then take his hands and push him down. See how he reacts to that, if he reacts positively, take it a bit further... Tell him you want to tie him up and then tease him endlessly, if he enjoys then lead him down the rabbit hole.

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I ran up the door, closed the stairs, said my pajamas and put on my prayers, turned off the bed and hopped in the light, all because you kissed me goodnight.

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posted: 03/10/10 at 12:29 AM

WolfAngel  [more]
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Communication is key. See how he feels. Maybe he wants the whips and chains out on the first try

If not, just get on top of him, grab his hair (or the back of his neck) and push him down on the bed and kiss him forcefully. Every time he tried to get up, or tried to grab onto you, take his hand/body and push him back down, like you mean business. Just tell him your 'demands' and follow through

You don't' even need any accessories to start Dom/Sub, it's more importantly about an attitude

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A gentleman is simply a patient wolf.

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posted: 03/10/10 at 6:23 AM

blondgrrl  [more]
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Books for you to read:

Screw the Roses, Send me the Thorns (Phillip Miller, Molly Devon)
SM 101 (Jay Wiseman)
The Topping Book (Dossie Easton)
The Loving Dominant (Johnny Warren)

Fiction, to "get in the mood"- read this to him and see what his reaction is!

The Sleeping Beauty Series (Anne Rice)- Start with "Claiming Beauty" It features the woman as the submissive, but I'm sure he can imagine himself in her position, plus there are also submissive male characters in the book for him to try to identify with. The second book has a bit more on men being dominated.

You could just jump on him like everyone here suggests, but personally I began by reading books and was more careful to introduce my fantasies little by little. It's important to get CONSENT- and suddenly grabbing someone's hair may be a HUGE turn off to that person. I know that if someone did that to me, I'd be furious.

You won't know until you ask. Talk, talk, and talk some more. Both books have checklists of things you should negotiate before a scene, as well as advice for bringing up the subject with partners.

Have fun!

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“Seek out argument and disputation for their own sake; the grave will supply plenty of time for silence.”
-Christopher Hitchens

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posted: 03/10/10 at 11:40 AM
metee  [more]
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Thanks guys He's coming over tonight so I'll broach the subject, maybe mention a few of the books blond mentioned.

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posted: 03/10/10 at 1:56 PM

Graven  [more]
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let us know what happened =)

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I ran up the door, closed the stairs, said my pajamas and put on my prayers, turned off the bed and hopped in the light, all because you kissed me goodnight.

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