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Lovingyou.com > Love Advice & Tips > Love Advice > standing up for your husband/wife
standing up for your husband/wife posted: 11/04/09 at 1:57 PM

EternalBond  [more]
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I was wondering if you would stand up for your husband if their sibling was being rude to them or what not. Would you stay quiet if their sibling was mistreating them right in front of you? Let them take care of it? Or would you tell that sibling to not mistreat your husband?

Any insight or stories?

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posted: 11/04/09 at 2:04 PM

Marie_77  [more]
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No, I would not stand up for my husband. He is old enough to defend himself and solve his family issues on his own. And I would not want my husband to get in the middle of a fight between me and my siblings.

I can be extremely mad at my sister today and we could yell at each other from the top of our lungs, and tomorrow we would be like nothing happened... because she is my sister. I will always forgive her and she will always forgive me, but if my husband were to get in the middle, the relationship between them may feel tense or awkward in the future.

When it comes to the in laws, I always say the one to whom the family belongs to should deal with his or her own family.

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Last edited by Marie_77 on 11/05/09 at 11:24 AM

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posted: 11/04/09 at 2:11 PM

EternalBond  [more]
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I guess not so much as a fight, but say a sibling mistreats your husband/wife for no reason.

I understand not intervening when there is an argument between the two siblings. The two people involved should resolve that. I'm saying if a sibling is constantly taking shots or making rude remarks towards your spouse because its the way he wants to be.

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posted: 11/04/09 at 2:14 PM

annie123  [more]
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I guess my boyfriend and I have never had this issue because we both can stand up for ourselves.

I would not expect my boyfriend to get in the middle of a fight he did not belong in. I can fight my own battles. I can stand up for myself.

My boyfriend has no siblings, but if some other family member were treating him poorly, I probably wouldn't say anything either. Either my boyfriend would take care of it himself or he is keeping quiet for a reason. I seriously doubt he would want me meddling in whatever issues they have going on.

I would just wait until we were alone and ask if he was ok or if he wanted to talk about it.

Edit: Just read your last post. My answer doesn't change. We both stand up for ourselves. The only reason you need a person to stand up for you is if you are just sitting there taking it and not doing anything about it. Neither my boyfriend nor I are like that. We wouldn't take that kind of crap from someone.

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posted: 11/04/09 at 2:37 PM

Reborn  [more]
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I'd mind my own business.

I wouldn't like my husband to interfere if my sibling was mistreating me and so, I wouldn't step in if his was. He's a big man, he can take care of himself. Plus, he knows how to handle his family better than I do.

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posted: 11/04/09 at 4:57 PM

divarose  [more]
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IMO and this comes from having siblings and being mother to 4 sons, if you were to 'stick up for' your husband when the sibling is having a go at them, you are simply giving the sibling more 'amunition'. I know my boys will often have 'digs' at each other, which may be based on things they have done in the past. they regard it as joking around and not serious. They all do it and they are all as bad. To them it is part of the fraternal bond.
If anyone else tried to do the same thing to one of their brothers, they would unite against the outsider, even if they had previously been saying similar to their bro. For example, right now they are all really having a go at the youngest about some choices he has to make. A mix of advice and teasing. IT got to the point where i had to tell the older 3 to give it a rest for a little while because the youngest is not in the mood or place ( he was in afghanistan) to hear it. I can do that though because I am their mother. Had their partners tried to tell them the same wouldn't have worked because, and i quote 'its what we do'. (apparently they give the youngest a hard time because they love him and want him to grow up strong...I kid you not lol, this is how the male mind works)

Sibling relationships are complicated. The established patterns have been around a lot longer than you have. The only person who should be sorting it out is your husband.

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posted: 11/04/09 at 5:19 PM

pickles  [more]
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I think it really depends on the situation. For the most part, I think siblings should just work it out between themselves, w/o anyone's spouses getting involved.

I have 7 brothers and sisters so I know what I'm talking about! lol

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posted: 11/04/09 at 9:23 PM
misty625  [more]
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quote:
Originally posted by EternalBond
I guess not so much as a fight, but say a sibling mistreats your husband/wife for no reason.
.



I don't really think there's ever a situation of mistreatment for no reason. There's always SOME reason- it might not be a good or logical reason, but it's a reason nonetheless. If they are siblings, there's a LONG history of tensions, disagreements, comparisons, competition, family baggage, and who knows what else. They themselves might not even remember half of it, but their past experiences color their present interactions.

If the spouse truly didn't understand why their sibling was picking on them, they should talk about. Even married people have other private relationships, so meddling between siblings, even if one of them is your spouse, may be out of line, or at the very least unproductive.

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posted: 11/04/09 at 9:35 PM

Tony6969  [more]
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how about if your wife will not stand up to her friends when it comes down to her husband, but when it come =s to the kids my kids will not talk back to her .

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posted: 11/05/09 at 12:14 AM

Quills By Pen  [more]
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If this were happening right in front of me,
(as you mentioned. )
Being a co-partner with a spouse,
you would have a right to politely make a comment.
Pointing out their rudeness,
without bringing yourself to their level of being rude.

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Quills By Pen

Last edited by Quills By Pen on 11/05/09 at 2:37 AM

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