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posted: 09/13/09 at 7:23 AM
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I would consider it cheating, however, I can also see where he's coming from. For me, any sort of pleasure such as that should be between the two involved in the relationship. My boyfriend should not be climaxing in any way from pleasure with anyone but himself, or me, that is something that we do as a couple that allows us to connect and make love...
Yet if it was offered in the service (which doesn't happen where I live, that would be prostitution) then I suppose it really is business. Yet, he went in there, and even if he didn't know, he had the option of declining...
Anyway, I suggest just letting the past be in the past and enjoy what you two have.
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posted: 09/13/09 at 8:16 AM
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A massage parlour is nothing more than a front for prostitution. And yes, prostitution is like a business transaction in that money is paid for their services.
In my life, if my SO had sex with ANYONE besides me, I'd consider that cheating.
(btw, massage parlours give a bad name to the legit massage therapists working out there to help people!)
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In memory of LYC members Rodger Swan (aka LuckiestSwan) and Yvonne.May they rest in peace.
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posted: 09/13/09 at 8:16 AM
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If such things weren't discussed and agreed upon beforehand, then yes- I'd consider it cheating.
But I understand what your bf said about it being a business transaction, because it IS. There are no emotions; the man is a customer and is simply buying a service.
But that doesn't mean it isn't cheating, as most people don't allow for outside sexual contact of ANY kind, whether it's a business transaction or a love affair.
Whether he really believed it wasn't cheating, or was only trying to justify it to himself, considering how bad his relationship was I personally wouldn't judge him too harshly for it. 
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Poor is the man whose pleasures depend on the permission of another
~My opinions change with new information.~
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posted: 09/13/09 at 8:18 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by pickles
(btw, massage parlours give a bad name to the legit massage therapists working out there to help people!)
A lot of guys would answer, "But those massage parlors DO help people!!"
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Poor is the man whose pleasures depend on the permission of another
~My opinions change with new information.~
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posted: 09/13/09 at 4:21 PM
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| I would just make it very clear to him that within the context of your relationship it IS cheating. A massage is one thing, when it becomes sexual contact it's over the line. If he wants to see a legit massage therapist who doesn't offer those services, that's fine. He should be able to get a perfectly good massage without any contact with his penis though.
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posted: 09/13/09 at 5:07 PM
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If I were married and my girl got a massage and a "lick job" yes I would see it as cheating and I would be pissed off.
In fact I probably wouldn't like her being rubbed down by some dude in a ligitimite way either. I wouldn't mind her going to a Chip&Dales show though lmao.
I don't know really... I hope for some good trust in a relationship so I have no doubts or have to have things like this be an issue.
Being a guy and getting a rub-down by a 25 year old hot piece of ... rubbing the warm baby oil on my buttocks, shoulders and arms.... well what man wouldn't get a hard-on?... Sorry....but how the hell keeps that from happening?.. I may find myself addicted to such places as well. I'll be the pervet guy you hear about getting slapped in the face all the time at the massage parlour.
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posted: 09/13/09 at 5:57 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Agirlforme
It was cheating. But he has rationalized it in his mind to make himself feel better about it.
Uh yeah. So if he had vaginal/anal sex with a prostitute, it wouldn't be cheating because he paid for it? Any form of sex outside of a committed relationship without the other partners knowledge and consent is cheating. Sooner or later he'll do the same in your relationship, if he hasn't already. It doesn't matter whether or not you have a satisfying sex life by your terms. People cheat even when they are have an active sex life with their spouse or committed partner. He just wants it with someone else.
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posted: 09/13/09 at 6:43 PM
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Sex with prostitutes is also a business transaction, and just about everybody would consider that cheating when done while in a committed relationship with someone.
This is about as ridiculous as people who rationalize their cheating by saying they used a condom.
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Consumation of the soul is done willingly.
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