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Lovingyou.com > Love Advice & Tips > Love Advice > My girlfriend wants to join a sorority Rating: Thread Rating: 1 votes, 5.00 average.
My girlfriend wants to join a sorority posted: 03/26/09 at 12:40 PM
voiceofsoul  [more]
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I am very not liking this idea. We have been dating a year and are in love but I am having some gut feelings that everything will change if she does.

-She says that she wants to join only to make a few close friends. I dont see why she cant just make close friends with the 3 suite-mates in a regular dorm like the rest of us?

I really have no idea what goes on in Frats and Sororities. I may be only thinking of stereotypes but there must be some truth to it underneath.

-She is already too busy with school work, and I fear that if she joins a sorority her life is going to revolve around getting to know her new friends, the events of the sorority, and all the school work. I fear there isnt going to be any time for me.

-If they have "date parties" (Im assuming that I get to go with her to those) I wouldnt really want to go, but would be forced to becuase I dont want her to take another guy as a date.

-I also fear that if shes going to be going to "Fraternity Social Events", their are going to be issues with the frat guys trying to get with her all the time. Im not a big fan of that kind of drama. I dont even know if I can come to those parties or not? I dont know or like any frat guys.

-Another thing is that she doesnt drink, but i know how strong peer pressure can be, especially if theres 30 "sisters" telling you to do it. If she starts drinking to fit in with her new friends, that will only complicate things even more and could lead to even worse things.

-She doesnt want me going to parties where there are other girls, she doesnt want me drinking, and she doesnt want me hanging out with other girls, so why then should it be okay if shes join a group that is always around other guys, going to parties, and drinking?

-I have never wanted to join a frat nor date a sorority girl. I have always been against social groups and cliches.

-I am worried that sorority girls can be very cruel and judgmental of looks and designer clothes and money and status.I dont want her getting her feelings hurt or to start changing herself by that. Ive heard the rushing process is based a lot off things like that?

Any incite to sorority life, regards to my fears or other suggestions would be great. Thanks

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posted: 03/26/09 at 1:49 PM

annie123  [more]
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My college has a pretty large Greek scene, though I never joined a sorority. Never had a pressing desire to. The only time I thought about it was when I heard one sorority focuses their philanthropy work on breast cancer research and since that is an issue close to my heart, I considered it. But I may be able to give you an outside perspective since I know many people in frats and sororities...

Are some girls like the stereotypes you describe? Yes. Are all of them? NO. There are many different kinds of houses and many different kinds of women who join them.

I know some people in Greek houses who never drink and go to church every Sunday morning. Some who spend all their freetime studying. Some who could care less about the label on their jeans. The stereotypes are just that, a stereotype. Do some girls live up to the stereotype, yes, but not all. The ones who do were usually that way before they pledged. The sorority doesn't make the girl... The stereotypes are more obvious because the party girl obviously catches more attention than the one back at the house studying.

Your girlfriend is who she is and joining a sorority will not change that. Unless she is looking to experience "college life" and sew some wild oats, which she will do regardless of whether she pledges or not if that is what she wants to do.

If I were you, I would just take it one day at a time and see what happens. If this is something she wants to do and doesn't do it because of you, I can almost guarantee she will later resent you for it. And encourage her to really research and get to know the various houses. They are all different. Some have better reputations than others...

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"If you really put a small value upon yourself, rest assured that the world will not raise your price." -Annonymous

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posted: 03/26/09 at 10:50 PM

fair_is_fair  [more]
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I had a roomie that was in a sorority, so she told me a few things. She was busy as hell though and she told me that they are required to come to the majority of the events or they could get kicked out.

If she wants to make friends, there are clubs on campus that will do the trick without being as time consuming and are less restrictive. Look for a listing of the local clubs on site, there should be something for everyone. People are also friendlier in these clubs as well.

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When I am at work, its like I am Iron Man...I feel invincible when I don the armor of success....

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posted: 03/26/09 at 11:25 PM

k_land84  [more]
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Have you talked to her about any of these concerns?

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posted: 03/26/09 at 11:51 PM

Tr1sh  [more]
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I loved my sorority & to this day think joining it was one of the best decisions of my life. I got academic & emotional support when I was far away from home. I am still friends with these women 20 years later. My sorority connections have helped me get jobs & clients. I have a network of people who are willing to help me even as an adult simply because I'm a member.

Yes, her life will change once she pledges & it will take up a lot of her time.

Usually sorority / fraternity events are closed to no members so that means you can't go to many of them. There are exceptions & I don't know the customs at your school.

You certainly can't prohibit her from joining. Your concerns seem to focus on your fears that she will leave you. I can't promise that won't happen but the goal pf the prganization is not to destroy relationships. You two may simply have different values. The more you fight her on this, the less attractive you will look. However if you can support her then your relationship may grow stronger & she will have the power to make good choices when she goes out.

Soroities are more than about drinking. There is a great deal of philanthropy & comraderie.

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posted: 03/26/09 at 11:55 PM
voiceofsoul  [more]
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I have mentioned my fears to her briefly, and that i didnt like the idea. I havent wanted to really come forward with an arguement without valid facts and others opinions. She seems to think that the parties and socials are not required and she can get excused from them for studying, or if she does have to go she can just stay away from the frat guys at the parties. What she doesnt realize is how the other girls might treat her if she is the only one not partying or that the girls may pressure her into dumping me. I probably wont have the sorority girls stamp of approval and probably not welcomed by them.

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posted: 03/27/09 at 1:23 AM

Tr1sh  [more]
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Most sororority events are mandatory at least for pledges, even the social ones.

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posted: 03/27/09 at 2:34 AM
voiceofsoul  [more]
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I didnt mention that she is going to a junior college now and is transfering to my college next year and that is when she wants to join.
Several months ago there was an issue where a guy in her class was flirting with her, and she was flirting back. She would text him on weekends even when she was with me. I even agreed to go with her and him for starbucks, and she mostly ignored me and talked to him, even sitting close to him. She told me he often called her pet names, and even tickled her in class. She didnt see anything wrong with any of it and said they were just friends. She didnt do anything to stop any of it or say anything to him to make it clear that she wasnt interested in him and only gave him signals that she was. Well I ended up being right about his intentions of him wanting to get with her in the end. He would text her saying stuff like "I think im in love with you, dont tell your boyfriend" and she didnt show me those for quite a while becuase she "didnt want to further upset me". Even after she did come clean that i was right she still continued to flirt with him becuase she "didnt want to be mean" or "hurt his feelings". She never really did anything to stop any of it. I was the one who had to tell him to back off. She hasnt really proved to me since that she can say no or reject another guy. That may be why im so bent out of shape about the sorority thing.

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posted: 03/27/09 at 2:46 AM

k_land84  [more]
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Perhaps this is her way of trying to move away from the relationship. You need to sit down and really air out your concerns with her or you'll end up resenting her decision and then you won't be able to be mad since you didn't bring it up.

If this is something she really wants to do then it's not your place to forbid her from it. However if you find it to be a deal breaker, then you need to break up and move on.

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posted: 03/27/09 at 2:56 AM
spartan1  [more]
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Unless you are with her 24/7 she is going to meet guys. Thats just how it is when your in college. If you are with her 24/7 she will get tired of you really fast. So what it comes down to is letting her make her own decisions and do her own thing. If she is going to flirt and end up with another guy there is nothing you can do to stop it. Thats why good relationships are built on communication and trust.

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