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Lovingyou.com > Relationship Support > Dating > my boyfriend wants to have a threesome.
my boyfriend wants to have a threesome. posted: 05/07/07 at 11:22 AM

darca87  [more]
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My boyfriend brought up having a threesome yesterday while we were talking in the car. At first I was kind of into the idea, but now I'm not so sure. I'm bi, and my boyfriend thinks thats hot. But I'm just not sure I want some other girl "doing" my boyfriend, especially in front of me. He's got all these ideas, but I really don't think I'd be okay with him kissing someone else. But, on the other hand, I too think it might "spice up" our love life. I have only been with a girl once, and I like the thought of being in bed with my boyfriend and another girl, but I don't want him "doing" her. We've been together 3 years, I'm afraid it might ruin our relationship. Can anyone give some advice on threesomes, will it destroy our relationship or make it beter? What if he really likes it and wants to do it again? What if I'm suddenly not good enough? help me.

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Normal is boring, overrated, and plain. If being weird is wrong then I don't wanna be right! (so corny!)

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posted: 05/07/07 at 11:27 AM

amesilverlin  [more]
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It's not really something you two can compromise on. Either you're comfortable with it or not. It's nice of you to be so attentive to his wants and needs, but what about your own? They should be respected too.

Did he bring up the threesome only after he learned you were bi?

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"Being with you and not being with you is the only way I have of measuring time" ~jose luis borges

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posted: 05/07/07 at 11:58 AM

Poetman  [more]
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I couldn't do a threesome...

My bf and I are both one-person people, and the idea of sharing with someone else...no. Can't do it. It's okay in fantasy but when reality comes, the risk of losing our relationship is too high a price to pay for the moment of spice.

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Rodger Swan 12/19/1986-1/26/2010 Gone too soon, remembered forever. R.I.P my friend.

You have everything that I have to give; it is the only way that Love truly exists. You and I are each One, and we are both One~E

I cannot be accurately judged by the meat and bone wrapped around me - its features were not my choice.~E

I Love you. Love Me as I Love you, you are Me. you are not me; only here are we we, separate rather than Me, One.~E

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posted: 05/07/07 at 2:29 PM

fadedmmries  [more]
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People do this all of the time. You have to go in and set limits. Say for example he can watch you and her but he can not be intimate with her. There are varying levels etc and it depends on what you feel comfortable with. If you at anytime don't feel right, then don't go through with it. But if you can work something our that you're both agreeable with then whynot? I personally would be very against it b/c while I am bi-curious, I am far too insecure to be seeing my man with some other woman... even naked in the same room! But if you have a good solid relationship and want to try it, maybe give it some serious thought. Just be aware of the entire thing, esp from an objective point, you have to be very careful now-a-days too!

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~ uniquely ~m~e~

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posted: 05/07/07 at 4:56 PM

pinkbrightly  [more]
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I agree with fadedmmries. You should set boundries. Talk to your bf about it and tell him how you feel. He might just feel the same way on some aspects. Also, if you are not 100% confident this is what you want, dont to it.

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posted: 05/08/07 at 10:41 AM
Coral  [more]
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I can tell you right now, the circumstances do not matter, if you have a threesome with your boyfriend the relationship will fail. It's been proven that no relationship can withstand that.

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posted: 05/08/07 at 12:14 PM

babycheeks  [more]
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In general, what I've read here on LYC is that:

1) you need to make sure you set boundaries and
2) BOTH of you are 100% okay with the situation before you engage in it.

If you're even a tiny pinch unsure, it will cause trouble in the future.

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"Love is like pi -- natural, irrational, and very important." -Lisa Hoffman

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posted: 05/08/07 at 4:54 PM

darca87  [more]
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I have told my bf multiple times that I don't want any sex involved, just foreplay. But everytime he gives me this look and this groan like that's what he wants. But to me, that's like cheating, with me in the room.

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Normal is boring, overrated, and plain. If being weird is wrong then I don't wanna be right! (so corny!)

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posted: 05/08/07 at 5:29 PM

Agirlforme  [more]
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I can tell right now from the way you're talking about it that you are not comfortable with it and I would say that if you guys do go through with it...it will likely destroy the relationship.

If there is even a hint of doubt, you should NOT do it. Bringing a 3rd person into the relationship will not make anything better.

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Pay attention to your partner. If you don't...somebody else will.

There are three sides to every story. Yours, theirs, and the truth.

MATH MADE EASY

Register your complaint here

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posted: 05/08/07 at 9:44 PM

babycheeks  [more]
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Ugh, am I getting this right? He pretty much expects/suggested you to let him have a threesome just because you've been with a girl once in your life?

If he keeps rolling his eyes like that and not caring about what you need, I'd tell him you'd like this relationship to become a one-some. That's total disrespect.

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"Love is like pi -- natural, irrational, and very important." -Lisa Hoffman

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