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What can I do to help? posted: 06/26/12 at 10:23 PM
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My boyfriend and I have been sexually active for about 3 months. _We are both 40 years of age… I have not been sexually active in a long time and he has since been single since December 2011. _I am not sure how long it’s been for him. _I am not really concerned with that… what concerns me is how often we are intimate, how he doesn’t always kiss me, how he doesn’t touch me, _I am very attracted to him and it turns me on when he initiates sex with me…I know his routine… then it starts happening but I don’t want this to be same old same old stuff, I like excitement and then I get disappointed because he comes so quickly… Why does this happen? In the beginning he was making me come like 2 and 3 times in one round… now he comes so quickly, I get upset but do not show _him… we communicate very well together and he made a joke about it once while we were getting ready… I love when he talks dirty to me.. that’s when it last longer so it seemed…
Can I change this or is he just excited? _Is it me?
What us to satisfy each other ...
OC
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posted: 06/27/12 at 4:04 PM
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| So you're saying there's not much hugging/kissing/foreplay, and that once he cums, he doesn't turn his attention to giving you the same? Is oral part of your routine?
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"My mother used to tell me, 'In this world, you must be oh so smart or oh so pleasant.' Well, for years I was smart. I recommend pleasant." Ellwood P. Dowd in HARVEY
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posted: 06/27/12 at 8:50 PM
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You HAVE to communicate. You have to tell him if your needs aren't being met. Next time, when you two start going at it, playfully direct him toward pleasuring you (guide his hand down between his legs, or go so far as to push him down in a playful manner).
He may think you're enjoying it, I imagine he may even think you just aren't into the sex, sometimes I tend to put off that vibe with my SO, so he would just have sex with me quickly and get his fix, and I had to correct him. Get into it, talk dirty to him, rile him up.
Most relationships start heavy, there's lots of foreplay, getting to know each others bodies, and then we fall into a routine and we begin to have sex for closeness and release. A lot of times people don't communicate, and only get their own needs met, and it can leave the other person confused and doubting.
Initiate foreplay, tease him, don't let him just jump on and go.
OR just talk with him. You're adults, sit down and explain that you need foreplay, you need a few nights where he gets you off. He may not know that's where you're at.
You can't be afraid to hurt his feelings, a healthy relationship is one built on openness, and communication.
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posted: 06/28/12 at 4:04 PM
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| Yeah, guys really like it when you tell them what you want them to do and what feels good to you. Otherwise, they maybe don't know and don't try, if you've not given encouragement. If you liked what he did before, as you guys are getting hot and heavy, you might mention that you really liked the cuddling and foreplay you two used to do routinely. When he's doing something you enjoy (like talking dirty) say I love it when you do that, or I'd really love to feel your tongue on my clit right now. He'll bank that information and hopefully use it in the future. Positive reinforcement....it works.
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"My mother used to tell me, 'In this world, you must be oh so smart or oh so pleasant.' Well, for years I was smart. I recommend pleasant." Ellwood P. Dowd in HARVEY
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