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Action plan on what to do next? posted: 11/19/09 at 1:19 AM
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Hi all,
Me and my bf of 3 years have just split up due to something extremely stupid of me. I have been insecure and have low self esteem for a while now. Last night I went through my bf phone and saw a text message from a guy that I didn't know (we are gay btw). I took the number and this morning I text the guy saying that I was my bf and had changed me number. I made it out like the text was for me (e.g. can't wait too see you again, love you lots etc etc.)
My bf found out from the guy and basically said that I've hurt him so much, it's over. We both were crying as we were thinking of everything we are throwing away. We cuddled and kissed each other (comforting each other) and told each other that we love each other. He said he's sad as he's never cheated and this just broke his heart. I've never seen him cry and he was crying badly. Just really opened up my eyes to what I've done to this poor guy.
I accept the mistake I've done but want to use this opportunity to give him some space and to work on myself. I still want to keep in touch to let him know how I'm doing. First thing is self help books and CD's. Next is counseling.
I told him I don't want it to end and he said he doesn't either but needs some space. He said he still has hopes we'll see each other again and there could be a chance of getting back together but things need to change.
What shall I do now? Do you think we can build this trust?
I'm afraid of not contacting him and loosing him, but how long should I wait? I'm thinking of texting or emailing every few days to see how he is?
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posted: 11/19/09 at 4:01 AM
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I've been following your posts for awhile. You've had insecurity and clingy issues for a LONG Time. Your bf gave you chance after chance to stop worrying and to start trusting. This was the straw that snapped his line.
Give him space now. Let HIM come to YOU when he's ready. Act as if the break is permanent and work on yourself as if there is no chance of getting back. If you contact him to see how he's doing, he'll see it as more "checking up" on him.
Do I think it's possible to get back where you were? No. Can you start new with the improvements in yourself? Yes. In time and with lots of work on your part.
Go for it, and good luck!
Poetman
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You have everything that I have to give; it is the only way that Love truly exists. You and I are each One, and we are both One~E
I cannot be accurately judged by the meat and bone wrapped around me - its features were not my choice.~E
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posted: 11/20/09 at 2:53 PM
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I really do believe my bf decision was just because he was upset. I did call him today but he said he needs to be upset and sad and too think things through. I'll call him Monday to let him know how my counseling session went. I know he doesn't want to end it as he says he does want to see me. I just need to focus on myself.
I'm planning on seeing a counsellor to deal with my issues twice a week. Keep in touch with my bf but giving him space too. Ask to see him next friday for a coffee and chat. 4th and 5th I want to take him to another city so we can be together in an different environment. I'm just waiting to see what he says.
Part of me feels I'm just not letting go, but I asked him today whether I should move on or keep hoping we'll get back together. His reply was that he hasn't had time to think but does want to see me again.
Any tips to keep me strong at this point?
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posted: 11/21/09 at 12:12 PM
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Ok, just an update and would like your advise.
My mum spoke to my bf yesterday and he said he's ok. Said he needs to be upset and to think things through and he would like to meet up with her for a coffee and to ask her advise. Plus I sent the following email with his reply;
Hi again Mr Sassy,
I know your hurting and I am the cause of it. But I am here for you. If you could let me know about either 27th / 28th November or even 4th / 5th Dec that would be great. I really do believe it will do us good for what I've got planned. I just hope you will give me a chance.
Keep in touch
Love semajlean
his reply was;
Hi semajlean, thank you for the email,
I'm okay, I do need a bit of time to grieve if that's okay. I will let you know about those days closer to the time although I am working on the 4th (day shift). I am terribly sorry about what happened to you at work. please talk to your mum about it as she will know what's the best thing to do. If worst comes to worst you will still have a family and a home. I'm really glad your mum called me, and I'm glad you are seeking professional help. I'll let you know what's going on with my job as soon as I know something.
I'll talk to you soon.
Please take care. x
I'm taking this as a positive response as it shows he is thinking about it. I've been seeing friends a lot and listening to a few self help cd's and it is already sank it.
I wrote a letter to my bf but unsure of when to give it too him. It basically is a remember list, listing all the things that made us Us and that I am sorry and what I hope for in the future.
Any advise would be great
thanks
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posted: 11/21/09 at 3:42 PM
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Another update;
I rang him today and wish I didn't so I've deleted his mobile number so I can't call him.
I talked and we are most probably going to meet in just over a week or two weeks to chat and stuff. I think it'll be good as I'll just concentrate on myself and see how things go. I'm going to give him this space and will just have to trust him.
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