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Need help in the bedroom posted: 03/05/12 at 1:32 PM
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| When I married my husband of three years now, I knew that there were issues of him keeping an erection. He has medications that he can take, which we use infrequently. We mostly just have oral sex or please each other in various ways. But I would like to have intercourse more often. Recently he has been put on several medications, which makes him lose feeling when we are making love. He says it still feels good to him, but he can't, ejaculate. He is open to all ideas that I bring into the bedroom and we have toys that we use too. I am very shy in the bedroom, when it comes to asking for what I want, even though he asks me to tell him what I want him to do to me. Another thing is that he doesn't really like to french kiss and I miss that so much. How do I make things better? I don't want to hurt his feelings in anyway, though I think that is my fear, not his. Thanks for any advice.
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posted: 03/06/12 at 6:22 AM
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If he is open to all ideas that you bring to the bedroom...then bring it!
Start by communicating a bit better and not being afraid to ask for something you like.
What it is about french kissing that he does not like?
With the medication, I assume it's for ED? Why is it that he's taking infrequently?
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~Love is a cycle. When you love, you get hurt. When you get hurt, you hate.
When you hate, you try to forget.
When you try to forget, you start missing.
When you start missing, you eventually will fall in love again~
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posted: 03/06/12 at 2:28 PM
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I'm not sure about the french kissing, but I was going to approach the subject this week. I wrote down things that I like that he does and things that I wanted to try. I thought if I wrote them down, it would be easier to express them to him.
Yes the medication is for ED. I'm not really sure. I know the anti-depressant, the Xanax, the vicoden and his blood pressure medications all mess with how things feel when we make love.
He may be lossing his job soon which is also adding stress to his life.
Thank you for responding, it helps to know I can come here and get advice.
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posted: 03/06/12 at 5:20 PM
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I knew that certain medications would effect a man's erection, but thought I'd let someone of the male gender answer that since I am female.
As for the french kissing....is it possibly to simply ask why he does not like it? Sometimes some ppl see it as being sloppy, messy or are worried about their personal hygiene. (Yes, I have known ppl to be worried about their breath)
I think writing things down is a great start since it's not easy for you to ask directly.
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~Love is a cycle. When you love, you get hurt. When you get hurt, you hate.
When you hate, you try to forget.
When you try to forget, you start missing.
When you start missing, you eventually will fall in love again~
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posted: 03/06/12 at 5:24 PM
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Yeah, I'd be curious to know his age. With all those medications, there's little chance his body can work properly and without major stimulation, especially if he's older. Does/can he cum from masturbation?
Everyone has their quirks, but many seniors grew up thinking that french kissing was dirty. The tongue, that is. My mother felt that way. I doubt that's a common belief anymore. Anyway, you can tease his lips with your tongue, and then ask him to return the favor. Or tell him you want to do to his tongue what you plan to do to his penis, and have him put it in your mouth. He may not initiate anything, but he might be willing to do what you ask, so don't be shy.
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"My mother used to tell me, 'In this world, you must be oh so smart or oh so pleasant.' Well, for years I was smart. I recommend pleasant." Ellwood P. Dowd in HARVEY
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posted: 03/06/12 at 11:04 PM
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Dopamine and serotonin both increase blood pressure, antidepressants are designed to stimulate/suppress/balance those and the majority of them all increase blood pressure, popular anti depressants commonly cause a loss of interest in sex and block the ability to achieve sexual satisfaction.
Being drowsy, a rather common side effect of pain relievers also affect a mans ability to get/maintain an erection. For me you can forget about it, When I take a pain reliever I'm asleep in 30 mins, I can not stay awake.
High blood pressure generally means " no erection for you" but so does Low blood pressure and blood pressure medications can cause ED, that's generally why talking with the doctor helps because they will change up medications to help.
Add to that the huge amount of stress of job loss (real or imagined) and I'm surprised his penis even twitches.
The easiest way to increase how often intercourse takes place would be to simply use a Venous Flow Controller or a Vacuum Device, you have 30 mins before lack of oxygen or coagulation becomes an issue and cause damage.
Increased levels of testosterone will help the sex drive.
1) Diet - zinc foods, cruciferous vegetables,good for you fats.
2) Regular Exercise Program - Speak with the doctor first before starting and while not knowing where the pain is or how high the blood pressure is walking 30 - 45 minutes a day will help
3) Sleep - getting 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep every day not only helps the testosterone levels but helps with stress,healing, and the mind
4) Orgasm - not only does it relieve stress but they are addictive for the brain, so it likes to produce more gonadotropin-releasing hormone (GnRH) which is the start of making more testosterone
You both should learn how to give massages, they reduce stress and touching of all types increase Oxytocin. Its believed to be our bonding hormone but its release also affects us sexually as well, in men it can increase the sensitivity of the penis and improve erections. It will also increase testosterone, improve mood, helps with depression and helps with healing.
With out erections, collagen production increases and over time can cause scarring, loss of elasticity, and reduced blood flow to the penis. Kegel exercise seems to help with ED from impaired blood circulation and Ginkgo seems to as well with one small study showing 78% of men who had impotence caused by impaired blood flow regained erections after taking it.
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