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posted: 07/01/12 at 8:51 AM
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I fell in love so hard after my marriage ended and we had met on the Barrier Reef and later met again but it was just getting to know each other- then we wrote to each other for a long time as friends- this was way, way back before online communications were the norm, so we talked daily and emailed and met again- it had been quite a while since our last meeting as platonic friends but somehow in the interim we grew closer and it was everything you'd want it to be and two weeks later while we were together(his divorce became final and I think 'we' were just too early after that event in his life. Course, at the time, I didn't really know that- didn't fit the two together.
After the break up, I was really distraught, as I had only had a couple of relationships, one before my marriage and this one after my marriage, so it was very intense and very much broke me apart-
I had to be "on" as a mum first thing in the morning to get the children ready for school and then get to the store and work all day until 3.00 when I went to meet the bus and then it was being a mum until bed time-so my time to allow for any sadness was usually lunchtime, when I'd come home and just lay on the floor and rock myself and cry like a baby- huge sobs and this pain -I have never cried like that, as if my entire body was one huge convulsion-
I never thought I'd get through it-I did so many things to rid him from my life. I never once contacted him and so I had written about the relationship in a non published book- the book was mailed to him and to two of his colleagues he was in practice with.- I never heard from him or them.
He had promised me the moon and finally he was erased from my mind.I think he damaged me greatly as I became pregnant and miscarried on a plane on the way home- the plane was diverted to Hawaii as it had reached the no return point in the journey and Hawaii was the next land mass-I was hospitalized there and had a D and C- as the bleeding on the flight was unstoppable, and the only thing they could do was a D and C to help me-
Now I can think of him but he doesn't conjure up any feeling at all- I cant really visualize him any more- the image just won't stay in my mind for more than a fraction of a second. Two years of therapy helped and talking, Yes, a lot of talking to friends and family-I must have driven them insane but they were always there for me.
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posted: 07/01/12 at 1:31 PM
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My worst heatbreak was not due to a breakup. It resulted after my first husband was killed suddenly when I was 23. There was no warning of course and I was completely unprepared to deal with something like this. I had been a housewife and stay at home mom all the time we were married. It totally shattered my life. We had been together 7 years, married for 5 years and had 2 small children. I was able to leave the US with my kids and move back in with my parents for the next 2 years.
For the first several months I had no appetite, no motivation to do anything and couldn’t sleep normally. I was blaming myself for the death of my husband because I had been the one who was most determined to move to the US. I felt horribly guilty because I figured that if we had stayed where we were, my husband would still be alive. My father got me on a low dose of Xanax which helped a lot but I knew that was only a temporary fix. I read “When Bad Things Happen to Good People” by Harold Kushner and “How to Survive the Loss of a Love” by Peter McWilliams. Both were very helpful. Then I started on the long road to recovery and did a lot of other reading.
Ultimately I emerged as a stronger and more independent person. My kids and I moved back to the US to a different town and then later moved to Las Vegas. That is where I was really able to get my life together. I wasn’t ready then to start dating again but I established lots of social and business connections there and was able to start a career and earn a very good living. After I finally did start dating, I didn’t get into another serious relationship until many years later when I met my current husband and we’ve now been together for 8 years.
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Lydia
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"It's the heart afraid of breaking that never learns to dance.
It's the dream afraid of waking that never takes the chance."
–Amanda McBroom: The Rose
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