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Here goes another issue  posted: 05/19/13 at 6:02 PM
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OK, so the other day my guy comes home from a class. He went to jump in the shower & all over his back were marks. No nail marks but just bruises. He claimed it was in the very tight chair he was sitting in. He's a very broad shouldered muscular guy so he said he was very uncomfortable & was squirming alot in the seat.
To make a long story short, I flat out accused him of being up to no good. I cant fathom the idea of someone coming home with these type of marks on his back from a damn chair. The next thing you know he calls his Mother to have her talk to me because she knows his character better then anyone. So being in the panic/extremely upset state that I was in, I texted her a pic of what I see on his back & of course like any mother, she defended him & said it doesnt look anything like "love marks".
After he got off the phone with her, we got into it because I was very upset that he involved his mother. I felt that she had no place in our convo. Afterwards, we went back & forth about the marks on his back & he sarcastically said "yeah yeah they are nail marks", I got SO FURIOUS that I went over to him & purposely scratched him on his shoulder. I Immediately Regretted it because I have just degraded my character & showed No class. I admitted this right away & apologized. He got mad at me & got in my face & said how I was worse then his ex wife then proceeded to provoke me to hit him. I didnt. I said I loved him to much to hurt him & I regretted what I did to begin with. I started crying & we just sat in different rooms for a few hours. During that time, I emailed his sister (Also my best friend) & vented to her that he just involved his mother & I honestly told her that in bad judgement what I did to him. I practically begged her to not mention it to their mother because is she found out, she would ban me from the family. Of course she defended her brother & said she was disappointed in me. Then she said we were wasting our time if we decided to try to work things out.
Well, the next day we reconciled.....at least I thought we did. I told him that I emailed his sister because I needed to talk to someone & since he is talking to his mother & I really have no family to speak to, I spoke to her. I expressed my concern that she was mad at me & was disappointed. Well he got moody & started another argument over it.
Besides all our other arguments that we had which were really petty & MY insecurities, this is really our first first ever. I never ever laid a hand on him before & most definitely never will do it again.
I went to church with him & cried my eyes out, cried all day in fact. Begged God for forgiveness & asked my guy for forgiveness as well. He said he forgave me. I went to church today, said my prayers, spoke to a priest & was forgiven. I STILL feel a heavy feeling in my heart. I can clearly see we are not on the same level. Im sitting here with alot of worry now. Worried his mom might not like me now, worried his sister will not be the same with me, worried that I might get my heart broken again.
Yes I admit I have alot of trust issues but if you saw the marks on his back, anyone would question it.
Now after all that I just wrote out, Im asking all you guys for advice. I know that I just have to let things ride out & move on with the situation. Move on away from the argument & not bring it up again. My question is that him being cold a sign of him losing love for me? He said that he didnt mean what he said when he said he didnt love me & that he was just angry. Im walking on eggshells with him for the past couple of days & he seems alittle short tempered with him. Im afraid that he will call his mother everytime there is a question. I dont want to answer to her, I want things private between us. But he doesnt see anything wrong. He feels that if he is going to be accused, he is going to bring someone into the conversation to speak for him.
I hope I make sense. Im so high strung right now. I love him with all my heart. Im afraid to lose him. Im afraid his sister will tell their mother what I did. Been a few days & she still doesnt know what Ive done.
I know that Every single couple has locked horns & has said or done something they regret. Least thats how I feel. Unfortunately his family is like the brady bunch & no one does anything wrong ( or so they claimed).
Any words of advice would be appreciated. Please dont suggest we break up. This is our first fight ever & I dont want to be bashed. I know what I did was wrong & I regret. I just want to know how I should handle everything from here on out.
Thank you.
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