Hello everyone,

after lurking on this forum for a while, I decided to jump right in and share my story and my excitement and hopefully get some support, because my real life friends just look at me funny by now.

Sorry if this gets long or confusing. What can I say, I'm in love?

So, two months ago I met a guy online, on a video game forum of all places. We were regularly posting in the same thread and started joking around together, first took it to private messaging and then texting on our phones the same night.

Even though we hit it off really well, we decided to avoid any complications by keeping it friendly and platonic and not exchange pics.... and that lasted for all of 12 hours.
We've exchanged about 500 pics by now, and fell for each other so fast it felt almost surreal.

We basically haven't stopped talking ever since that first day. The 7 hour time difference (he's in the US, I'm in Europe) is annoying, but whenever we're both awake, we're texting. (no, we aren't exactly being good employees )

Two weeks into the relationship (and yes, it still feels kinda odd to call it that) we decided we wanted to meet. Quickly. I was planning a vacation anyway and had considered spending it with a friend - who lived only 3 hours away from him, incidentally. He offered to drive over and meet me there.

Another week later, the plans had changed to me booking a hotel in his city for 8 days and him taking days off from work for the first time to be with me as much as possible.

We both tried to be really careful and not rush things too much. We agreed not to say the big L-word until we were face to face. Again, that lasted only a few days. The first time we talked on the phone, he said it...

To an outsider it would probably be really funny to read how we both tried to carefully ask the other about plans for kids and marriage. Btw, he'll be turning 27 during my stay, I'll turn 29 a few weeks later.
Well, we quickly figured out that we wanted the same things out of life and our ideas about family match perfectly.

So now there's this Big Bundle of Expectations! I'm going to meet all his friends and possibly some of his family too. I've talked to his best friend on the phone before and that was fun, but a birthday party with ALL his friends is different.

I'm flying over in less than three weeks and I'm so nervous! What if my bf doesn't like me in person?! Gah!

And we've been talking about relocating and me finding a job there and it's this unspoken thing that I'd only get a visa if we were married. Well, unspoken expect for the night when we were having a "date" (watching the same movie simultaneously and having some wine) and were both slightly inebriated and he blurted out "I can't wait for you to be my wife" on the phone.

I feel like a stupid teenager (no offence to teens in general ) This is all moving so fast, but it feels so right! We had agreed that we'd try not to get too invested before meeting in person, but look how that worked out!

We've told our friends and family about our relationship and while they all agree that we're insane, they're slowly getting used to it.

Three weeks and I'm so nervous... somebody hold my hand, please?

Lola

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Rodger Swan 12/19/1986-1/26/2010 Gone too soon, remembered forever. R.I.P my friend.

You have everything that I have to give; it is the only way that Love truly exists. You and I are each One, and we are both One~E

I cannot be accurately judged by the meat and bone wrapped around me - its features were not my choice.~E

I Love you. Love Me as I Love you, you are Me. you are not me; only here are we we, separate rather than Me, One.~E

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To the question of u'r life, u r the only answer. To the problems of u'r life, u r the only solution.

Nobody is perfect and I am nobody. That's why, i am perfect.

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“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.” - Marilyn Monroe

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My boyfriend and I just celebrated our one-year anniversary together. We met.. hm, like 8 years ago now?, through a video game, and had been friends since then. We started talking on voice chat a year ago and fell in love really, really quickly. Unfortunately for us, we didn't get to meet one another until about 9 months into our relationship, but now we're planning on seeing each other fairly regularly until we can be together long term.

For us, it was a little less stressful because after talking to someone for hours every day for 9 months, you tend to get to know them, even not in person. We also did video chats with our webcams, and that helped, too. Meeting him was... absolutely natural. It wasn't hard to be with him in the slightest; from the moment I saw him, I knew him, and I was comfortable with him right away. We just got more and more comfortable together after that. (Although that's not to say that he didn't give me butterflies or make me nervous sometimes!)

I'd suggest that you talk about expectations... have you told him you're nervous? I told my boyfriend, and he said he was nervous too, and that made us both feel better. We also talked about physical expectations - whether or not we wanted to be intimate when he visited, etc. - and that took the pressure off as well. Did he want to kiss me when he first saw me? Sleep in my bed with me?.. like I said, we were together longer, so our answers were probably much different than what yours will be, but it's important to ask the questions anyways. Like, would you feel comfortable with him staying the night at your hotel? If you're not ready, say so, and tell him not to ask to unless you invite him in. Little things like that to prevent misunderstandings from not being around each other in person can go a long way to smooth out first meetings and such.

As for Riri, what she said is absolutely right. It's after that always kills it, honestly - not to make you more nervous or anything. I've also had trouble with before, too.. I don't know why, but my partner and I always seem to get upset easier right before we get to see one another. I think it's the stress of waiting, being so close but not there yet. After the first meeting, though, was terrible - I was an absolute wreck. You think you miss him now, but oh, just wait! If everything goes wonderfully, it'll be terrible. It's doable, though.. you WILL survive. I did (somehow). But expect to have a heart-to-heart or 5 after you do meet, because you'll need to know where the relationship stands after, when you'll be meeting again, etc. One of the hardest things for me after I first met my boyfriend was that we didn't know when we'd be able to see each other again, and not knowing sucked majorly.

I've had other online boyfriends, but let me say - if in person he isn't EVEN BETTER than you're expecting, if he doesn't absolutely BLOW YOUR MIND, he's not the right guy for you. I've had experiences where I like the long distance better than actually being with him, and that's just... well, obviously, that's just not right. I find that it's a lot easier to tell whether or not you'll work in person, but I held on to relationships I shouldn't have because he said all the right things when he wasn't with me. Just be aware of that. With my current boyfriend, there were no red flags. I simply loved being with him, spending time with him, and he's even better in person than over the phone. I fell in love with him all over again every day I was with him and it was amazing. That's what you should be looking for here.

Now... GOOD LUCK! I'm not going to tell you to not get attached, because obviously you already are and hearts are stubborn things that don't listen to us. He sounds like a good guy from the little you've said and I hope your meeting goes as fabulously as mine did

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Thank you all so much for your stories and your advice! I'm already feeling less crazy knowing that you've all gone through the same nervousness.

We actually did talk about our fears and expectations and yes, he's just as nervous as I am. It was a really fun conversation though. (he said there was no way I could kiss him at the airport... because he'd kiss me first)

And of course I'm trying not to get too invested and to be very logical about the whole thing, but you can all imagine how well that is going.

Anyway, it's only 12 days now and I'm starting to feel a little calmer. He keeps telling me that we'll be fine and really, there's nothing I can do by now but wait and see.

Thank you guys for the handholding, I'll keep you updated.

Lola

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Rodger Swan 12/19/1986-1/26/2010 Gone too soon, remembered forever. R.I.P my friend.

You have everything that I have to give; it is the only way that Love truly exists. You and I are each One, and we are both One~E

I cannot be accurately judged by the meat and bone wrapped around me - its features were not my choice.~E

I Love you. Love Me as I Love you, you are Me. you are not me; only here are we we, separate rather than Me, One.~E

click to: respond to this topic