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Can you take pleasure in their love? posted: 11/21/09 at 8:03 AM
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I think that in order to say that you love somone, you would be willing to keep on loving them even if they stopped loving you. I think that your love for someone has to be stronger than your desire for them to love you back.
But does that mean that I can still take pleasure in someone who loves me back when I love them? Do any of you feel good when your SO shows you love?
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posted: 11/21/09 at 8:21 AM
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quote:
It doesn't have to be stronger, but it can be.
If my desire to be loved were stronger than my love for someone, wouldn't that lead to some selfish feelings? It would lead to me being more concerned about how much she values me than I am about her well-being.
quote:
But I don't get your second question. You want to know if it feels good to be loved? Do you really not know the answer to that?
I don't have a clue what it feels like when I'm with someone who loves me. I certainly know what it tastes like when I'm with someone who doesn't love me, though.
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Re: Can you take pleasure in their love? posted: 11/21/09 at 8:40 AM
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"I think that in order to say that you love somone, you would be willing to keep on loving them even if they stopped loving you."
I somewhat agree. This would be considered an unselfish or unconditional love. IMO, there will always be a boundary of how much I can truly love someone, because I have to stay true to myself. My love for myself must always be the strongest or I won't be able to give or share my love faithfully with someone else. I can continue to love someone for the rest of my life, but that doesn't mean I will wait for them that entire time. That would be selling myself short.
"I think that your love for someone has to be stronger than your desire for them to love you back."
I disagree. Loving someone more than you desire to be loved makes sense, but it doesn't mean that one has to be stronger than the other. It can be equal. When your desire to love and be loved is equal, I feel that is when you are in your healthiest relationship AND in your healthiest state of mind. I wouldn't consider it love if I didn't weigh just as importantly that someone love me back.
"But does that mean that I can still take pleasure in someone who loves me back when I love them? Do any of you feel good when your SO shows you love?"
Of course I agree. Loving someone is not JUST about the other person. Otherwise, we would all just find a person to worship. Loving someone includes loving how they treat you, loving how they love you, and even loving how they aren't perfect. True love is never about one person and obviously includes how that person makes you feel.
Finally, on this note. Love to this day cannot be definitively described. They've tried but I doubt that it will ever be completely figured out. It is too complex and too overwhelming to really say for certain how one should or shouldn't love others. The part that we do know and has been proven is that we must first love ourselves and then look outward for love.
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It's all a learning experience... as long as you're willing to learn.
Last edited by Rosebud83 on 11/21/09 at 8:47 AM
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posted: 11/21/09 at 8:44 AM
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quote:
I disagree. Loving someone more than you desire to be loved makes sense, but it that feeling doesn't have to be stronger. It can be equal. When your desire to love and be loved is equal, I feel that is when you are in your healthiest relationship AND in your healthiest state of mind.
Are you saying that even if my desires to be loved and to love aren't the same, the strength of feeling I feel when I love and receive love can be the same?
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posted: 11/21/09 at 8:46 AM
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| My main concern is this. If I ever fall in love with a girl, I want to be able to take just as much pleasure in her love for me as I do in my love for her. But I also need to know that if I'm given a choice between her well-being and her love for me, I'll always choose in favor of her well-being.
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posted: 11/21/09 at 8:53 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by CommonSense
Are you saying that even if my desires to be loved and to love aren't the same, the strength of feeling I feel when I love and receive love can be the same?
Yes. Your desire for something is not the same as how something makes you feel. The desire can be stronger for you to love someone, but it does not have to be. Your desire to be loved in return can still be less than your love for someone. However, the feeling of being loved in return can certainly be just as strong as the feeling of loving someone. Even if that's not a principle desire, would you not elate in someone returning your love?
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It's all a learning experience... as long as you're willing to learn.
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posted: 11/21/09 at 8:56 AM
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CommonSense, you are doing it again. Going from one extreme to another. This is just like your other topic. What is with all this "more" stuff?
You can love more than you are loved, but you can end up getting hurt. You can desire love more than you love, but you can end up hurting someone else. Try not to do either in a love relationship.
Strive for balance. The healthiest love relationship is where the love is equally shared.
I'm sorry you have never felt love in your life. When you are loved by the person you love, it feels good. It makes you happy.
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posted: 11/21/09 at 8:56 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by CommonSense
My main concern is this. If I ever fall in love with a girl, I want to be able to take just as much pleasure in her love for me as I do in my love for her. But I also need to know that if I'm given a choice between her well-being and her love for me, I'll always choose in favor of her well-being.
I agree whole-heartedly with this. When it comes to health or well-being, you should value that more than getting your own perks if you truly love a person.
When it comes to someone falling out of love with me, well then I don't choose in favor of that. But then again, I have no choice in that matter.
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It's all a learning experience... as long as you're willing to learn.
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posted: 11/21/09 at 9:02 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by CommonSense
Some people just flat out don't feel anything when people love them. They could care less.
Well obviously those people are not into you or are a psychopath.
When you fall in love with a someone who loves you back just as much, I hope you won't be so analytical and will just enjoy it!
And if you want to know if it's that good kind of love, you will know because you are usually happy. If you are upset, sad, angry, arguing, crying, etc all the time, chances are, it's not a good match.
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posted: 11/21/09 at 9:03 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by CommonSense
Some people just flat out don't feel anything when people love them. They could care less.
I'm talking about love IN RETURN. If I love someone, then I would elate in their reciprocation of my love in feeling the same about me.
If I don't love someone, then my only feeling would be guilt in having to tell them I don't feel the same.
I think you tend to go to the extremes when love is not always "do or die" except for in Romeo and Juliet.
I like to consider love as more "grow or go." Love is a powerful emotion, but it will never be the ONLY one.
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It's all a learning experience... as long as you're willing to learn.
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