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kissing in a play posted: 05/17/13 at 8:30 PM
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I read this on another forum & was kind of startled. I wanted LYC's take.
A newlywed wife was offered a role in a community theater project. Her character will have to kiss another character of the opposite sex. Her husband is furious. He doesn't want her to take the part & he claims that doing so would be cheating.
I think the husband's overreacting but I also think that since this is a marriage, they need to talk about & she has to respect his feelings.
What does LYC think?
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posted: 05/17/13 at 11:26 PM
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| I think the husband is being ridiculous, and the wife should stand up to him. It's a play, she's an actress, and jealously over what boils down to a simulated kiss is over the top and way too controlling. Personally, I wouldn't respect his feelings on something like this, because when someone is being unreasonable they don't have the right to have their feelings respected. But this is ME talking. I'm not monogamous, so I'm thinking somewhat from that point of view.
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Poor is the man whose pleasures depend on the permission of another
~My opinions change with new information.~
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posted: 05/18/13 at 3:43 AM
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Is it just a kiss or some crazy make-out session?
I think the husband is being a bit over-dramatic. It's a PLAY. It means NOTHING. If the husband would like, he can go be in a play and kiss a girl and see that it means nothing!
I would resent my husband if he were to make it so I didn't take the role because of a kiss.
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posted: 05/18/13 at 10:07 AM
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| While I can understand that not many men would enjoy the idea of their wife kissing another man, even for a play, he's gotta be reasonable here. This is his wife's profession (I assume) and he should have been aware that this could happen. Perhaps they haven't communicated about it before. I think he's being unreasonable here but if he's going to make it a deal breaker, then she's got a tough decision on her hands. This is the kind of place people find themselves when they fail to communicate before making life changing commitments.
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Pay attention to your partner. If you don't...somebody else will.
There are three sides to every story. Yours, theirs, and the truth.
MATH MADE EASY
Register your complaint here
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posted: 05/18/13 at 12:54 PM
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He is being silly. There is nothing romantic or sexual to kiss a stranger in front of 100s of people. It's not something she will enjoy . It will all be about standing on the right spot while kissing, facing the spot light, not too long, not too short, what is her line right after...etc.
It's like if she were telling him I don't want you to have your prostate checked, I don't like the idea of our female family doctor putting her finger up your bum.
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posted: 05/19/13 at 12:29 AM
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In my view the husband is incorrect because cheating requires an element of deception and there is none present here. That's even putting aside the fact that there is no sexual intention present in this example.
It might not be pleasant for the husband and they clearly need to communicate to find a solution but no. Not cheating.
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posted: 05/19/13 at 12:49 AM
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quote:
In my view the husband is incorrect because cheating requires an element of deception and there is none present here. That's even putting aside the fact that there is no sexual intention present in this example.
Precisely. Let's not confuse cheating with something which is merely disagreeable to the husband in question about the actions of his wife. There is absolutely nothing in the act of kissing someone in the context of a play which can be associated with the predicates of the concept of cheating (i.e. deceit, equivocation, acts arising out of lust etc...).
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"A life with love will have many thorns, but a life without love will have no roses." - Friedrich Nietzsche
"I am persuaded that every time a man smiles - but much more so when he laughs - it adds something to this fragment of life."
- Laurence Sterne
"Wherever your life ends, it is all there. The advantage of living is not measured by length, but by use; some men have lived long, and lived little; attend to it while you are in it. It lies in your will, not in the number of years, for you to have lived enough."
- Michel de Montaigne
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posted: 05/19/13 at 4:00 PM
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This husband is just very insecure. He jumps from what the reality is to the heightened state of fear and pushes the label "cheating" onto his wife to scare her into not fulfilling her obligations as an actress on stage.
Jealous, insecure husbands don't stay wedded for long. So the question is, what is more important? His insecurity or his wife?
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When I am at work, its like I am Iron Man...I feel invincible when I don the armor of success....
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posted: 05/22/13 at 4:55 AM
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Opinions about what constitutes cheating vary widely. I would not criticize either person for their opinions and beliefs.
I'd say that this couple should have discussed and established their boundaries when they first became serious about each other. That would be particularly important if one person or both are apt to have romantic roles in theater or other acting portrayals.
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Lydia
~~~~~~
"It's the heart afraid of breaking that never learns to dance.
It's the dream afraid of waking that never takes the chance."
–Amanda McBroom: The Rose
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posted: 05/22/13 at 6:11 PM
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| When we enter a relationship we can talk from morning to night what our boundaries are but we will never completely cover all aspects of life. I may get interested in theater 10 years within my marriage. I may also not be the type to get first roles or romantic roles so it's not a worry till one day the opportunity presents itself.
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