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After everything we went through, I end up with a broken heart  posted: 06/25/12 at 5:21 AM
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In a nutshell, boy likes girl, girl likes boy back and attraction is strong but she is with someone else. Boy moves away but waits for girl to end relationship but she takes a too long so boy finds someone else in the mean time. Girl though heartbroken decides to be supportive and stops flirting. Boy on the other doesn’t stop but kinda slows it down but continues to push girl to end relationship.
I asked about this a while back and I was told tell him how I felt and I did. It got to the point were he didn’t talk about the new girl; it was as if she didn’t exist. He wanted me to send him naked photos, he wanted to visit, he started flirting even more then he would suddenly disappear and when he reappeared he just wanted to jump straight where we left the conversation. I got tired of it and kinda told (wrote) him that I really didn’t want to do that anymore and that he needed to focus on the new girl and to forget about me that we just weren’t meant to be.
In his reply he said, that he never believed I would actually end my last relationship because it seemed like I didn’t want to end. So because of this he only thinks of me as a friend and that he had moved on. How could I have not seen it, how could I have been so blind and was I just reading too much into nothing?
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posted: 06/25/12 at 12:02 PM
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This is really hard to follow.
You had a thing with this man while you had another man in your life? This man moved away and got tired of waiting for you to break up with your guy so he found himself a girlfriend.
Now you're sad because he's moving on?
And now you're are hurt? What about his hurt? What about the empty promises you fed him? What about the man you have been dating all through this and have deceived and lied to?
How you read so much into him?? He's the one who read too much in you! He's the one who got screwed up, not you!
EDIT: so I read a little bit of your background to understand better. So after this man found a girlfriend and moved in with her THEN you decided to get separated.
And all this happened 2 years ago and you are still waiting and hoping for this man.
Wow! What else can I say but 'move on'. Get your life back on track and find a man that wants to be with you. Stop all contact with him, delete him from your life and move on. You want to pine over him forever!
Last edited by Gail65 on 06/25/12 at 12:21 PM
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posted: 06/25/12 at 12:21 PM
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Sounds like you took a chance on someone and it didn't workout. You were content in a relationship, no? And you ended it for someone that was seeing someone. That's a chance. There's always a chance involved when you're trusting someone to make a big move like ending a relationship. It's not easy to end a relationship even when there is a promise of a another good one.
Sounds to me like you dodged a real bullet anyway. He is with someone and flirting with you and asking you to send naked photos of yourself. He would do the same thing to you. He has no respect for the person that he's with, if he did, he would have told you that he only saw you as a friend ages ago. Someone with no respect, has no respect for anyone. You don't need someone like that. He liked you enough to want your naked photos, he liked you enough to cross a line that I'm sure his gf wouldn't appreciate, he liked you enough to flirt with you. But, sadly, he didn't like you at all, he's being a jerk and just in it for a horny thrill.
Go out and find someone trustworthy. Find someone that is free, no chances involved, and start something healthy. No leaving someone for someone else which comes along with all kinds a of drama.
Don't dwell on this. Lesson learned. Time to move on 
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Love is not an emotion, it's a decision.
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posted: 06/25/12 at 1:51 PM
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Let me make sure I read this right, OP. You were in a relationship, and found out another guy was into you. You were into him too, but you weren't sure which guy you wanted, and wasn't ready to end your current relationship, so you continued dating your bf while flirting with the second guy. You kept him hanging on for quite a while, but then he gave up on you and found a gf. When this happened, you got all hurt and upset because he had given up on you, and you felt betrayed, yadda yadda, yadda, your heart is now broken and it's all his fault.
Is this right, OP? Because if that is the case, the Gail is spot on. It sounds like you wanted to have your cake and eat it too. You were selfish and self-centered, really only thinking about yourself and not taking your bf's or this other's guy's feelings into consideration. It was up to YOU to make a decision, but instead you hemmed and hawed and led both guys on.
It also sounds like you were cheating- I don't think your bf would have wanted you flirting and sexting with this other guy while dating him.
I'm having trouble having much sympathy for you. It was your choice, you made bad decisions, and now, darling, you have to live with them.
Hopefully you learned something and won't do this sort of thing again- if you find yourself interested in someone else, stop one relationship completely before even THINKING about entering another.
Or be like me, and be polyamorus! We get our cake and can eat it, too.
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Poor is the man whose pleasures depend on the permission of another
~My opinions change with new information.~
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posted: 06/25/12 at 7:00 PM
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You weren't reading too much into anything, you were in a bad relationship, didn't get out even though you had someone waiting for you, and he got tired of waiting- how long did you expect him to wait?
On the bright side I assume you are single now, so you are free to pursue someone who isn't taken.
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posted: 06/27/12 at 3:09 AM
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I can see how you guys can come to that conclusion and to be honest you are right in some respect. I have made my share of mistakes; I had no right starting whatever it was with the new guy without ending what I had. I wasn’t just going to end my relationship for some stupid fling or just anyone.
My relationship was in trouble with or without the new guy. The ideal thing would have been to end it then maybe think about starting something new with someone else but that didn’t happen, I met someone before that happened and I can’t tell my heart not to feel something when it wants to.
This has been on going since my OP here. When I found out about the other girl, I told him to focus on her and wished him the best but even then he insisted/said it wasn’t like that and I was reading too much into the whole new girl thing. Then they moved in together at which point I was like ok it’s over for us and he kinda slowed down with the whole flirting. When we talked" it" was always there and when I was single and told him I had ended it is when he started to insist on coming and that is when I told him I had to let whatever it is that was btwn us go and that I didn’t want to do that anymore because at that point he wasn’t even mentioning her at all.
From where I am standing he was acting like he wanted to get with me. Maybe I did read too much into it, I don’t know I am just confused maybe I just didn’t expect that kind of response from him. I backed down when he told me about her and he insisted that I shouldn’t read too much into that and now this was all in my head????….
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posted: 06/27/12 at 6:24 AM
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This is a case of your heart ruling over your mind. You have to find the strength to know something is wrong and you must back down from indulging. Impulses can really mess things up at times when you lead with your emotional foot. I have to fight my emotions all the time and its not easy not to do whatever feels good. But I always keep in mind to do whatever feels RIGHT. What is right for me? Not being in the relationship, letting it go, understanding this person isnt right for me. What makes me feel good? Probably staying as its comfortable, but overall, after the initial hump of sorrow...I say being single overall is pretty damn good.
I understand the whole theory of the relationship is in trouble, some one nicer is paying attention to me, a little flirting cant hurt, right? But its disrespectful, wrong and you knew this was going to lead in a bad direction. You knew you wouldnt leave your relationship, but you werent planning to fix it or end it either. By having a second guy, you essentially have created a new guy that gives you your needs and so mentally you check out and never have to choose. Let me tell you, if you have to combine 2 guys to give you what you need, then neither are good enough to date you. The only thing two guys is OK if both are consenting to that kind of arrangement and know about each other. This was not the case. Mean while, these guys are NOT happy with you. This type of behavior really turns men off because they fear they are taking the risk and are going to get hurt. This guy pulled back seeing you were not strong enough to end it, he was hurt I am sure. Then he stopped respecting you because you played him.
Wrong I know...but if you disrespect yourself and your relationships with the way you act, do you believe he will respect you? The theory is he should respect you no matter what, the reality is people are not like that.
Everything you stated was:
1. I am weak
2. Im a push over
3. I am needy for attention
4. Please do whatever you want because I have no respect for myself.
You didnt need to confide in this guy that much, you should have given him a FIRM no when he said he wanted to come see you when he was kickin it with other girl. Tell him no, stop answering his phone calls, texts, emails, FB messages, etc etc etc. You were wishy washy with your signals...you stated no...but when he advanced and pushed you really meant maybe. If you had been clear as day, he would disappear in a heart beat. Gone. Poof. He probably would have thought "damn, not getting anything out of her. Im going back to other chick."
Lesson learned...end one relationship before you start another. If a guy is "seeing" a girl and states "its not like that" just dont even guess...move on. If you think it sounds off, its probably off. If he calls you crazy, tell him to screw off.
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When I am at work, its like I am Iron Man...I feel invincible when I don the armor of success....
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