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Help me, help him  posted: 05/15/13 at 1:18 PM
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| I am reaching out to whoever may have ideas. I have met my soul mate, we are best friends and planning a permanent future together. I am having one issue though in the 6 months we have been together I have only orgasmed twice, we have sat down at talked about it. He has gone online to look up ideas how not to orgasm premature but I do not think that is the only issue. We have little foreplay and primarily because when he tries he is rough and no very experienced. He has asked me to tell and show him how to do better but I just don't know how without seeming like I'm criticizing. I also am not sure if his tongue being clipped from childhood is affecting the oral sex, I just do not feel much when he is down there. He was also raised old school and does not like the idea of toys, I have a couple but he is uncomfortable using them. How can I get him to the 20th century, and get my needs met????
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posted: 05/15/13 at 4:33 PM
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Like most guys, he sounds like he wants to learn, so you should tell and show him what you know works for you. Let him know that for many women, softer handling is better, just as for many men, a stronger approach is welcomed. He'll appreciate the loving instruction and not feel criticized (he feels that way already, not knowing how to please you). Show him how to touch you lovingly, and what makes you cum. Make it fun, and don't be embarrassed for either of you.
Experience will likely help him overcome premature cumming. Or let him cum fast, and then he can concentrate on you and you both can take your time as a second orgasm for him will probably take longer. As you both get more comfortable with your bodies and with what works and what doesn't, and as performance anxiety lessens, he'll be able to last longer.
Good luck!
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Re: Help me, help him posted: 05/21/13 at 12:05 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by 5pointer
I have only orgasmed twice,
When he cannot get you to reach an orgasm why don't you take matters into your own hand and make yourself come. That will also teach him how you like it done, what kind of pressure you use etc.
quote:
Originally posted by 5pointer
we have sat down at talked about it. He has gone online to look up ideas how not to orgasm premature but I do not think that is the only issue.
Are you looking for orgasm through penetration only?
quote:
Originally posted by 5pointer
We have little foreplay and primarily because when he tries he is rough and no very experienced. He has asked me to tell and show him how to do better but I just don't know how without seeming like I'm criticizing.
There is nothing criticizing in telling him in a soft voice to use more pressure, more speed, to move up etc. He asked you to teach him, do it.
quote:
Originally posted by 5pointer
I also am not sure if his tongue being clipped from childhood is affecting the oral sex, I just do not feel much when he is down there.
Clipping the tongue was exactly to help the tongue stick further out of the mouth and avoid speech difficulty. Tell him to put more pressure.
quote:
Originally posted by 5pointer
He was also raised old school and does not like the idea of toys, I have a couple but he is uncomfortable using them. How can I get him to the 20th century, and get my needs met????
I would proceed the same I'd proceed with a child that doesn't like vegetables lol. Present a few nonthreatening toys, leave out the super-jumbo DD battery vibrator. Ask him which one he would feel more comfortable with to use for a few minutes.
Lastly: Maybe your boyfriend will never get around the idea to use toys, you cannot impose on him something he's uncomfortable with if he doesn't want to. You'll have to accept while you are together toys will be out of your life.
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posted: 05/21/13 at 12:52 AM
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If he doesnt like toys, why not use your fingers and try different positions to reach orgasms, if there is some issue with his tongue, you can ask him to touch and stimulate your breasts or ask him to finger you while giving you orals..Personally, i know i can orgasm by penetration alone in some positions but it take some practices too.
Be patient with each other, praise him when he is doing something that makes you feel good, guide his hands and teach him how you like to be touched, you can have more foreplays, dirty talks and watch porns together if you both like.
Be creative in the bedroom but dont keep pressuring yourself to orgasm in every session, keep exploring your body and enjoy the fun! 
Edit to add : If you wish to keep this private, i accept PM.Cheerz! 
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Last edited by wildsnake88 on 05/21/13 at 3:53 AM
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posted: 05/22/13 at 6:51 PM
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If you are planning on spending the rest of your life together, you had better take a more direct approach. Tell him you need to get off. If it takes a vibrator to do that, then use one. Or if you need to stop him and say do this not that, then do it. We are all a little different and need different things...
It probably isn't going to work unless you get a lot of foreplay and attention prior to him entering you. You have to find out the best thing for you to help you along.
I think if he doesn't step up and understand that you are human, you will have a miserable life. If he isn't going to listen then you had better think twice before settling down.
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