I'm not really sure why I'm writing this. I guess I just want to get this off my chest and know if anyone else ever feels this way or has any advice or anything. I honestly don't really know what I'm looking for.
Anyway here it goes: I'm 27 years old and things are going pretty good for me right now. I have a wonderful boyfriend who treats me great. I'm in school to become a nurse and doing really good. I have an awesome family. Overall life is really good. The only problem is my past. I've done a lot of things that I regret doing. When I was still in high school I was in an abusive relationship and from there pretty much every other guy that I was with cheated on me. This pretty much destroyed my self esteem and any confidence that I had so once I turned 21 I started drinking a lot. I wouldn't say that I was an alcoholic, but I didn't have a healthy relationship with alcohol. I went out to clubs a lot and because I'm a little shy I would drink a lot to get over my anxiety. This led to me making a lot of mistakes and doing things that I really regret doing . This behavior went on for a little over a year and then I started to change. I stopped going out as much and drinking as much and went back to school to get my life back on track.
So anyway even though I'm doing a lot better, every once in a while I just start thinking about the past and I just can't forgive myself. I have such a wonderful boyfriend, but yet I feel like I don't even deserve him. I feel like if he knew how I was in the past he wouldn't even want to be with me. It really scares me. We've been together over a year. He's never asked me about the past although I do have a feeling that he has an idea about it since he has friends that knew me from back then, but still sometimes I worry that he will ask me about the past and not like what he hears.
Again I don't really know what I'm looking for, but if anyone has anything that might help. Some words of wisdom, advice or similar situations I would appreciate any input. Thanks for reading.
