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birthday worries  posted: 12/02/07 at 8:45 PM
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My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years and we really do love each other and our very close. We are each others best friends. We are both in college together and we are from the same hometown. The town we go to school in basically consists of a Wal-Mart and Giant shopping center. So there is not many places to shop around in.
My Bf and I are 1 day apart...he's dec. 13 and i'm dec. 14..so they are coming up quick. Last year I made him a banner, got him balloons, a card, and made a collage of 20 things I love about him (20 because he was turning 20). For my bday he didn't do anything...took me out to dinner which I planned and he didn't do anything...no singing, balloons, nothing. so after a big fight he vowed to make my next bday (my 21st bday) unforgetable. I am trying to be patient and trust him that he'll fulfill his vows. However while we were home last he never picked up one thing i've bugged for.
I told him the only thing I want for my bday is a 21st bday tiara. No presents just take me out for a drink and a crown. There are tons of stores and party supply stores back home to get them but when we arrived at our tiny school where we go to college and I helped him unpack his bags from the weekend, there was no tiara...I asked him if he planned on getting me one and he said i didn't kno u wanted one. I must have bugged atleast twice a week since like september or so..so he def. knew. There is no place to get one here at school except for ordering one online. I'm not opposed to this but I just wish he would think about me more or plan ahead.
After some arguing and me being a bit disappointed he said he hadn't ordered one and he'll do it soon. Well our bdays are 2 weeks away and with the holidays shipping is busy and long. It just makes me mad because if I wouldn't have asked about a tiara again he wouldn't have gotten me one.
I thought I was doing him a favor by not asking for presents or anything fancy....just a simple 21st Birthday tiara which is like $4 at Party City...I mean I'm not asking for dinner or nething....just 1 drink and a tiara...Does anyone know anyway I can talk to him and reason with him why he's being so thoughtless? He laughs at me when I get upset and tells me to calm down that it's 2 weeks away and he'll work on it....I mean after last years birthday I can't take another disappointment like that...I mean I love him with all of my heart and I know that he does too. He just is not romantic or very creative. I need some help and want to do it without being rude or anything.
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posted: 12/02/07 at 9:17 PM
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Not to sound mean or ugly, you shouldn't be telling him what you want him to buy you for your birthday. He should be able to choose what he wants to buy you.
Not all men are romantic or creative. Lord knows I live with one. For birthdays, we do ask what the other wants, but we don't get upset if we don't get it. We usually do but we've been together 6 years, so it's no big deal here.
For Christmas, we exchange "wish" lists so we know what the other really wants, but if we don't get something we had on the list, no biggie then either.
Personally, I think you should back off and let him do what he wants to do for your birthday.
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posted: 12/03/07 at 12:26 AM
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| Stop getting upset about it. Do you trust him? If you do then wait and see what he does. If he doesn't do anything for your bday then you can yell at him. But you shouldn't be all over him telling him what you want. Let him plan it & i am sure it would make you feel better knowing he did everything that day and planned it all by himself.
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posted: 12/03/07 at 1:56 AM
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| You wear a birthday tiara that says 21 on the top of it when you go out to the bars and clubs for your 21st birthday. I never tell him to get me anything the only reason I am upset about the tiara thing is that it really means alot to me and is the only thing I really want. I don't want him blowing money on me for presents for my birthday...instead just a $4 tiara...we exchange "wish" lists too....it really upsets me that u think i'd be such a conseted person to do otherwise. And to answer QT25...I don't trust him with the planning of my birthday because if you read my post he didn't do anything last year. maybe you should actually read my post before you criticize...he said he'd make it an unforgetable birthday and if the only thing I want is $4 then I don't think it's a big deal. Once again...I didn't ask for presents or for a fancy dinner. I just asked for a $4 tiara and it honestly really means alot to me and the fact that he'd ignore something like that is upsetting.
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posted: 12/03/07 at 2:04 AM
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I did read your post and i know that all he did for your last birthday was dinner and that was your idea isn't that why you were upset? B/c you were the one who had to make your own birthday plans?? Aren't you doing the same thing this year too by telling him what you want?? You did that last year and you weren't happy so i don't get why you're doing it again.
You already told him what you wanted and just because he hasn't said anything about it doesn't mean he didn't get it. Maybe he is just pretending? Maybe there will be a big surprise ... who knows. I think you are over-reacting.
If you don't trust him then why are you with him?? You obviously forgave him did you not?? I am not even really sure why you were so disappointed about last years bday because he did take you out its not like he forgot right??
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posted: 12/03/07 at 6:27 AM
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I think the only thing i can tell you is,
You either accept the fact YOUR man is the notsoromantic one and you are the one who always have to remind him what you want. I mean if he is as 'bad' as what you describe ,looks like every year in your bday,you'd get pissed and hate to break it to you but once you tie the knot,
there will be anniversary,
bday
christmas
valentine..
PLUS if you have kid,
your kid's bday too!! AND GOAT KNOWS HOW MANY U HAVE!
Wow..looks like you'd get pissed a lot..might want to get used to it
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To the question of u'r life, u r the only answer. To the problems of u'r life, u r the only solution.
Nobody is perfect and I am nobody. That's why, i am perfect.
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posted: 12/03/07 at 2:43 PM
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Ok...I'm tired of getting blamed here...I am a nice person, I'm not greedy, I don't ask for much. I am not catty I am not nagging.
Like I mentioned before...last year I took him to dinner for his bday and had them sing and give him a special dessert, I had balloons, a banner, a card, and a nice little gift for him. I made sure to make his day really memorable and special. The very next day for my birthday he took me to dinner and made me choose where to go because he's not creative and gets tired of going to the same restaraunts all the time. We had dinner and then he excused himself to go to the bathroom...I saw him stop and talk to the waitress and assumed he'd made arrangements to sing and surprise me with dessert because the restaraunt featured a special birthday dessert....well we ate and sat for awhile then paid the bill and left...no dessert or nething. when we left I told him I was kind of disappointed and asked why he didnt' get me the dessert...he said he never thought about it. It hurts when I did so much to show him how much I love him and wanted to make his bday special and he didnt' do anything for me....no flowers, singing, balloon, anything...once again i'm not selfish but he could have even made me a card or something to save money and he didn't do anything.
Not only the unromantic for my bday...he never is all year round...we've been together for 3 years and he admits he has become so comfortable with me that he just knows I'll be there for him and no matter what i'm by his side every step of the way so he doesn't feel the need to be spontaneous or romantic and it hurts when I do so much...I've tried backing off and not doing so many romantic things but it doesn't work...I've showed him this website to give him ideas and he never goes on it...he goes on all his other websited like dirtbike websites and stuff for NASCAR but never here.
This is why I'm so worried this year...and although it seems dumb over a stupid plastic 21st bday tiara...it's important to me. It's like $2 at the stores and I'm even trying to save him money because if he orders it online he'll have to pay shipping...so i'm not greedy and I'm trying to save him money.
It's hard to trust someone that really let you down and hurt you that bad...so please...I only asked for advice, not to be attacekd by everyone on here...I go on here to give advice to people to and not criticize them when they are clearly already upset.
I'd appreciate a little bit of credit when I'm the one saying i love him here and I go out of my way and do for him and don't expect much in return and the only thing I did ask for was $2...I don't think that's so bad.
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posted: 12/03/07 at 2:51 PM
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You are trying to make him something that he is not, if you persist you will only end up hurting yourself. If you need a man who is more creative and a little more tuned into you, then you need a new man, not the one you are with.
He is what he is, and you are not going to change him. Granted, you are not asking for the moon, but be realistic. He isn't going to shower you with affection, attention, and creativity. So make your choice.
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There is only one happiness in the world, to love and be loved.George Sand
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posted: 12/03/07 at 4:18 PM
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Here's a life lesson- if there's something you want so much for yourself that it will ruin your day/night/week/whatever if you don't have it, it's up to you to get it for yourself.
I'm sorry, I just think you're making a mountain out of a molehill.
You say you do a lot for him- I'm sure he enjoys and appreciates it- but really, do you think he cares much either way? I'm betting that if you did NOT throw him a big party, dinner, love lists, or whatever, he'd probably be just fine with that.
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posted: 12/03/07 at 4:26 PM
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I know that you are the one who makes his birthday feel really special i got all that. I know you love him & you just want him to make this years birthday better than last years....the point i was trying to make was you shouldn't tell him how you want it...Let him do it &&& if he doesn't make it special or whatever then that is when you need to decide what you want to do about this guy.
I agree that he should want to make you feel awesome on your day but you can't make him. You are trying to prevent disappointment &&& failure so thats why you are trying to help him so you aren't let down. BUT you shouldn't NEED to do this. Thats the point i was trying to make. HE should WANT to do it - with no help from you!
If he isn't the kind of guy you would like him to be you can't change him no matter how many gifts or how much you shower him with affection. &&& you have proof of that because you have tried it &&& you got the same results.
What everybody is trying to tell you is just back off &&& see what he does....you need to decide what you are going to do if he doesn't make it special for you. I am not sure if you are willing to break up with him because of this, but if you are then thats your choice.
If you feel that you are the one who is putting in more effort than he is it will never work out between the 2 of you. You will always be upset. You can settle for how he is or you need to find somebody that is maybe a little bit more romantic . . . some guys have a tough time in the romance department. But if he really cares for you he will ask some of his girl friends for help, him mom, your mom . . . ANYONE for ideas. He shouldn't be making you choose or anything like that.
Get it??
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posted: 12/03/07 at 4:50 PM
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| What if he is planning a big surprise for your birthday? Are you going to feel bad that you worried and complained so much leading up to it? I think you should wait and see what he does for it and then decide if your upset- like Harp said...
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Say what you mean and mean what you say!
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posted: 12/04/07 at 1:53 AM
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Aw, I know exactly how you feel. My boyfriend is similar-- he just isn't romantic or creative. It makes it even worse when the relationship becomes so comfortable that you never actually go on "dates" anymore. It sounds like this is a bigger problem than just a birthday tiara.
Recently, my boyfriend and I implemented a new "one date a month" rule. We switch off every other month on who does the actual planning. We both agreed to it, and it's working out really well so far. He actually PLANNED a date for the first time since we started dating! Maybe you could try something similar? It might encourage his creative side to come out.
I know that doesn't really help with the birthday problem, but it sounds like you have done all you can personally do in this situation with all the hints and suggestions. The best thing I can say is don't count on him to make your birthday special-- go out with your girlfriends, too, and do your own thing!
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posted: 12/04/07 at 2:27 AM
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I'd appreciate a little bit of credit when I'm the one saying i love him here and I go out of my way and do for him and don't expect much in return and the only thing I did ask for was $2...I don't think that's so bad.
See we KNOW you are a wonderful gf. you've showered him with love and you've done all the way you could do for your man but you are missing a point that this is not about YOU. it's not about how wonderful or how much you have done for him or how much you love him,no. This is about YOUR man is not what you 'expect' him to be. It's not about what you ask for or about how LITTLE TINY thing you ask for or even about you've never asked for anything, no. this is about your man, either you ask for him to do something or want something from him, he MIGHT NOT do it for you.
So the question you have to ask is , can YOU deal with this with him? or do you expect him to be 'more' creative and romantic? can you accept the fact you might ALWAYS have to be the one who always have to tell him what you want for him to do something for you?
Now remember, you might see what you want is NOTHING at all compare to what you did to him. It's not at all about the cost of the thing you ask but morely to 'how' you appreciate the little thing your someone does for some people. For example, say if he does something for you but NO tiara, will you still be upset? yes you will. because that's what you want. you made your point,it's only 2 dollars but who knows he wants something different to plan for you WITHOUT you have to PLAN it for him. Could it be that your man KNOW you TOO well that there's NO way he can do for you without upsetting you UNLESS do EXACTLY what you tell him to so he gets lazy to do things for you? or could it be that he is just a not romantic person. Could it be that he appreciate things you did for him but for everything you did to him, he KNOWS you want it THE SAME WAY or BIGGER or at least something SIMILAR in return?.
You keep mentioning the prize of the tiara,we get it. it's cheap,you are not asking for something big. But from outsider perspective (now keep in mind,not trying to attack you or upset you), I think it's REALLY sad that someone not ONLY has to ASK for something from their someone but has to 'make' him do it to 'make it happen'.
I personally think it's alot more sad than not getting anything really. because at the end of the day,
You know he did it not because he 'did' it but mainly you yourself 'made it happen'.
It's like a friend of mine who has NEVER even gotten a card from his wife and he had to ASK her to send him a card, a card is even cheaper than tiara. 90 cents she finally got him one. now don't you think it's sad that he had to go all the way to ask her to give him a card,reminded her and MADE SURE she send him one??
That's the same situation you are in.
except yours is tiara.
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To the question of u'r life, u r the only answer. To the problems of u'r life, u r the only solution.
Nobody is perfect and I am nobody. That's why, i am perfect.
Last edited by Riri Kyusai on 12/04/07 at 4:29 AM
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posted: 12/18/07 at 4:14 PM
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He confided in me that he felt bad about making my birthday last year so awful and that he did want to make this one great...he told me he really hadn't ordered me a tiara but then when he knew how upset I was and asked for advice from some of his female coworkers they all agreed every girl deserves a tiara and to be taken out and treated on her special day...well the day before my birthday we got an awful snow storm...couple inches of snow and ice...
We are in college and it was our finals week and i was supposed to have 2 on thursday and be completely done with no finals on my bday...it would have been a great day to relax and enjoy before celebrating later. However the finals on thursday got cancelled and pushed back til friday and luckily i was able to get my finals finished by 4...however my boyfriends finals got pushed back from 3:30-4:30 to 6:30-8:30 ruining our dinner plans...luckily he finished by 7:45ish so we got to go to dinner by 8 and celebrate that evening.
Because of the snow on Thursday I didn't want to chance driving him back to campus (He lives in the dorms and I live off campus in a house with a roommate) he decided to pack some clothes and stay with me. At night I was watching tv and he said he had some stuff to do and to just stay out on the couch watching tv. After awhile and alot of banging around in my room he called me in and he had streamers and balloons and a little cheesecake with a 21 candle in it and a wonderful card.
It turned out to be stressful because of the finals and the bad weather but in the end it was very nice....
I don't feel bad for worrying about it and not trusting him because I truly believe as well as he admitted that he doesn't naturally think of these things to do for me and he knows he wants to make me feel special he just never knows what to do and gets carried away with school and him riding dirtbikes to take notice sometimes.
I appreciate the advice from everyone even tho it felt like i was being attacked the whole time. I feel that guys make some many excuses saying they can't be romantic..but I've told him about this website dozens of times and he never goes on it or asks friends or even his family or my family for ideas...i feel like it's not hard to be romantic..it just takes a little effort which some guys just don't want to do.
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posted: 12/18/07 at 5:59 PM
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| I had the same thing,i tried to make my bfs bday special and he didnt do anything and he even forgot to wish me best wishes for bday,and i remeber how i was dissapointed-the fact he made no effort whatsoever to make me feel special even though he is that romantic type.So i understand you.I wish he d give you that tiara on his own.He should have made some effort in advance to see what you want.But he didnt.i m sorry for that.I m never telling my bf what i want or even remind him of my bday so that way if he does something it will be extra special,if he forgets..well i ll be dissapointed.I think its normal to feel like that.Some guys just doesnt know what to do,thats normal,you cant really change that.But seems like your bday was nice
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