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Lovingyou.com > Pillow Talk > Sexually Speaking > how to make him more dominant???
how to make him more dominant??? Question posted: 07/08/04 at 2:34 PM

kjohnson  [more]
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Me and my husband have a great sex life. He completely satisfies me in everyway. My only problem is that I am always the dominant one in the bedroom. He is always asking me to do things to get my "permission" to do them and stuff. I dont mind this, but once ina while I want him to take control of ME!!! Ya know? I have this fantasy of being "taken advantage of", not like a simulated rape or anything, but to have a guy totally dominant me sexually! I have shared this fantasy with my hubby and he just appologizes for being so submissive. He is not submissive to the point of me having to tell him exactly what to do or anythng, but I am the decision maker i the bedroom. About a year before we got married I was in an abusive relationship, and I was thinking that maybe he doesnt want to be rough with me so he doesnt bring my past back into my thoughts, but I have assured him that it wont happen, that I completely trust him not to hurt me like that. So what I was weondering is, is there anyway or anything I can do to help him be more controlling/rough in bed. He is also very quiet in bed...no noise what so ever...I can be going down on him and he will only say things once in a great while like "that feels good", but there is no excitement in his voice. I know he likes it, but he just doesnt show emotion very well either. I have brought up both of these topics in conversations and we have talked about them alot, but he and I dont know what to do to help us out. So any suggestions would be awesome! Thanks in advance to anyone who posts here!

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" I love my Airman"

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posted: 07/08/04 at 6:55 PM

dimitris  [more]
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Have you ever thought that he's got similar submissive type of fantasies? Talk about it.

I don't know how or if you've tried to handle this. May be, if you tell him clearly what you want instead of just sharing a fantasy would help.

Perhaps, you've just spolied him and made him lazy by making all the decisions. Try for a change not to say or do anything to see what he's going to do. If he asks don't answer; just look at him lustfully and wait.

Good luck!

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I think sex is better than logic, but I can't prove it.

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posted: 07/08/04 at 10:56 PM

Pusser  [more]
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He just needs to know that you won't think badly of him if he takes charge and potentially looks stupid or doesn't please you. As you get started, say, hey, what would really turn me on tonight is if you would just attack me like an animal....nothing you can do will hurt or offend me....I want to know that I excite you....show me.

And then you respond as you'd like HIM to respond....be verbal, physically into it and participatory, etc....he just needs to know that you really WANT that from him and that you're not afraid to join him in the process.

Pusser

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"My mother used to tell me, 'In this world, you must be oh so smart or oh so pleasant.' Well, for years I was smart. I recommend pleasant." Ellwood P. Dowd in HARVEY

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posted: 07/09/04 at 4:36 AM
TallyGirl  [more]
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I agree with Pusser. Encoureage him with your words, your actions, your moans. ANYTHING that he does in the right direction, encourage him to continue. May take some patience, but he'll get there.

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Re: how to make him more dominant??? posted: 07/09/04 at 8:16 AM
RedTempest  [more]
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quote:
Originally posted by kjohnson
I was in an abusive relationship, and I was thinking that maybe he doesnt want to be rough with me so he doesnt bring my past back into my thoughts, but I have assured him that it wont happen, that I completely trust him not to hurt me like that.


BINGO!!!!!!! I was in an abusive one for 9 years. I think my honey worries/has worried about hurting me and I've told him he is nothing like my ex. He is a real gentleman and I trust in him fully and completely when it comes to sex especially when the animal in him comes out.

I don't have much to add, all the other advice was so good but I agree. Talk and share!

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Bad ass toys aren't just for boyz.....

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posted: 07/09/04 at 10:11 AM

kjohnson  [more]
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Thanks so much for your help girls! I know it will take time, but I had to get some kind of advice from somewhere...so what a better place than LYC eh? lol. Again, I thank you for everything. If you guys have anymore suggestions, please feel free to share with me. I HAVE tried talking to him, and telling him I trust him, and that it would REALLY turn me on if he let "his animal out of it's cage" (lol), but still nothing. And about the fantasy of his(him wanting to be dominated), it has come true over and over again...I am always the dominant one!!! I know it will happen eventually, but it is so frustrating at times!!! I will try the idea about not saying or answering him at all, and seeing how he acts tot hat. Maybe that will work once he sees that I am not taking control at all! Who knows. I dont think he is lazy at all...as long as I give him the go ahead he will do anything i like for however long it takes. So I dont think Laizness is the problem here. But thanks again, and keep the ideas coming!!!!

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" I love my Airman"

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posted: 07/12/04 at 1:11 PM

SmallDL  [more]
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i often want my guy to do the same. i beg him to tie me up blindfold me anything. but in the end it just ends up me being more dominant then him. every time i let him know that i just want to be controlled once, he just shrugs and says hes not like that. so if you have any luck with your guy PM me and give me some tips!!!

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