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posted: 07/11/12 at 5:03 AM
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My mom has thyroid cancer.. she's been through radiation (very mild compared to some out there) and had her entire thyroid removed because of it, and has been in some pretty scary situations when it spread to her glands (especially when we happened to be in Brazil at the time... yikes!). She's also had back surgery, and she's going in for another procedure in a week and a half, too, actually..
But in any case, I've been there, in a sense. My mom's cancer is fine now, she's doing great, just has to take regulatory medication every day as a thyroid replacement, essentially.
It's.. really hard. It always is, seeing your mom that way, I think. But like others have said.. don't worry about knowing what to do with it, because you'll be able to go along with her in the moment and be whatever she needs. I found myself breaking down a lot when I was alone, not sure how to feel until the reality actually happened, and I dealt with it a lot afterwards instead of before. It didn't really feel real until she had the surgery I suppose. But I was there for her, taking care of her for a few weeks as needed after all of her surgeries, and even though every time it feels like "how am I going to do this?", you just.. do. When someone close to you needs you like that, you just do. You'll be strong when she needs it, sad with her when she needs it, and you'll provide bad puns and corny jokes to make her smile when she needs to be reminded how.
The one thing I can say is that it's okay for you to not be okay. I was always strong for my mom, and I never told her how hard it was for me to see her like that. Honestly, I'm not sure if she even knows now. But I always had someone - it doesn't matter who, as long as there's someone - you can talk to and vent to. Don't feel guilty about taking a little time for yourself and doing something to take a break and get away from things for a while, because it can and will drive you crazy if you try to ignore your needs. Take a break and get dessert for yourself; have a friend go to the movies with you... it doesn't matter what you do, as long as you do something to unwind every once in a while. Don't feel guilty for it, because you'll feel so much better for it and your mom will understand and be able to benefit from you feeling more stable.
Have a friend or SO or family member you can talk to openly about it, because it really helps to vent sometimes. Or just come here and vent, that works too. 
I know it's scary, but just like everything else that's scary in life, we get through it somehow and your relationship with your mom will be stronger for it
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posted: 07/13/12 at 1:13 AM
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Here's a little update:
I'm feeling a lot better now. I think i've come to terms with all of this and am slowly learning to deal with it. My mom went to see her surgeon on Monday and, he decided to do chemotherapy before surgery in order to start killing her cancer since it is spreading and with hopes of shrinking her tumor so surgery will go smoothly. He told her he needed and MRI and a CT scan but before he could get the MRI he needed approval from her insurance which could take up to 6 weeks so, we pretty much started freaking out thinking she wouldn't be treated for that long so, I wrote him a letter with my concerns and he emailed me back then called me and said that we do not have to wait 6 weeks and that he has scheduled her an appointment with an oncologist,
Today she had her first appointment with her oncologist, she told her that she will have treatment for 6 months. The first 6 weeks will be the hardest, each IV will last 2 hours. During those 2 hours and many hours following she will feel horrible and nauseated. Within 2-3 days after her first treatment she will go bald... That was really scary to her so, i've decided im shaving her head and buying her a gorgeous wig! Her first chemo session will be in about 2 weeks because the surgeon still needs to get a needle biopsy of her lymph nodes and, her right breast since they also saw something on the CT scan there so it needs to be biopsied before chemo in order to see if it is also cancer and how bad that side is and they wont get an accurate result if shes undergoing chemo as well. They will also be performing an out patient surgery before chemo to insert a "port" through which her treatments will be given because her vains are pretty much non existent...
I think I will get my plane ticket and go out there next saturday for 2 weeks. I hope that's enough time. I'm really going to miss my fiance tons, I've never been away from a boyfriend for such a long period of time but, this is my mother. He said if i would like he can drive down there on the weekend to make it easier on me.. Its an 8 hour drive! I think I should be a big girl and suck it up but, I can't help but to think how much strain this will put on me and not being able to be with him for the first time will add to it. So maybe i'll be a little selfish and have him drive down and spend some time with me plus, my mom would love to see him. Hes her favorite..lol..
Wish me luck guys! I hope everything goes well, and i'm happy I will be able to be there for her for her first chemo session. I'm positive I can stay strong and be there for her and it will all be ok in the end. Thank you all so much for sharing your stories and offering me such supportive feed back, I really needed it to lift my spirits and to also know, i'm not alone.
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Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are.
Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.
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posted: 07/13/12 at 3:14 AM
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You're definitely not alone! *hugs*
Remember how amazing it is that there is treatment for this, no matter how scary. It's a blessing that we have access to treatments that can make this all better. The amount of success stories are incredible!
Be as positive as you can Your mom will be so proud of you no matter how sick she feels, you just being there will make things that little bit easier.
Best wishes!
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Love is not an emotion, it's a decision.
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posted: 07/13/12 at 8:10 PM
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| So, I went to school for cosmetology and, I have all the hair cutting supplies. My mom asked me to shave her head when I come down before her chemo.... :-( I'm so sad. I don't think I can do it!
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Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are.
Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.
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posted: 07/14/12 at 1:44 AM
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Cutting her hair is going to be emotional, but it's what she wants. Losing shaved hair will be a lot easier then losing long locks that you have to then get rid of. In the grand scheme of things, losing your hair isn't the hardest part. It will grow back. It's just the first hard steps of many. Once you've taken these hard steps, the steps will get easier and head in a positive direction
Keep your chin up, you're stronger then you think you are!
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Love is not an emotion, it's a decision.
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